Name: Joe Rogan Experience #2118 - The Black Keys
Uploaded: 2024-03-13T18:00:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2118 - The Black Keys' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2118 - The Black Keys' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-13. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #2118 - The Black Keys

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
There was a cop guard in our car behind the theater yesterday and we asked him
if it was
okay if I smoked one and he said, you should probably wait.
You should probably wait is a funny thing for a cop to say.
It's tricky.
It's so stupid.
The dumbest of laws.
Yeah.
Without a doubt.
The number one dumbest of laws.
There's nothing that's even close to that one.
That one's so stupid.
Well, all the shit that is legal.
It's just a matter of time, I think.
We can only hope.
It's legal in like 20 states or something now.
Wasn't it like 19 or something, Jamie?
23.
23 states.
Ridiculous.
But there's a lot of shit you can do here that you can't do anywhere else.
You can have a zebra.
You can have a cult.
You can have a cult.
You can have a zebra.
You can concealed carry with no license.
You don't have to have a concealed carry license here.
It's constitutional carry.
Yeah.
So leave them little old ladies alone.
How many states have that?
How many states have that?
Quite a few now.
Quite a few.
Florida has it.
There's, I want to say there's 19 states that have that now.
Ohio just passed it.
Damn.
Well, you know, there's a lot of fucking crime going on out there.
And there's some places where it's difficult to get a license to carry.
Surprise, in Ohio, they allow that.
Well, yeah, I'm not familiar with any gun law.
Ever.
At all.
I just, I just don't have a gun.
I have a pellet gun.
Wow.
Have you ever shot a gun?
Yeah.
I did.
It scared the shit out of me.
I mean, I was a Boy Scout and stuff, but my friend bought a, like, a Mauser.
Is that what it's called?
A world, a German rifle.
I mean, this guy's kind of a total character.
He was, he got into, like, World War II reenacting.
Oh, no.
Was a Nazi.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Did he at least try to lose?
I don't, I don't know, man.
It was a whole different thing he would do that we, he never really discussed.
We bought this Mauser, and we took it to the range, indoor range, and, like, it
had,
the pin, I guess, was replaced to fire only blanks, so we were trying to shoot
it, and
it was hitting the bullet, but not firing.
So the guy at the shooting range was, like, here, just shoot this.
He handed us a, you know, like a 9mm or a .45 semi-automatic, you know, with a
magazine,
and he didn't really show us how to use it.
And I, you know, I emptied the thing into the range, and I pulled it, the
trigger, and
just, you know, I thought it was done, and I handed it to my friend like this,
and he's
like, what the fuck?
And I was like, what?
And he just pulled the thing and put us in the chamber, and I was, I left the
room, and
I was, I'm done.
Well, that's a scary thing.
That makes sense.
But someone should 100% show you.
Yeah, that wasn't.
Let's be honest, though.
Most of the time, it's like that.
Yeah.
I mean, the first time I ever fired a gun was, like, in a basement.
Some guy had a gun, and he was shooting into, like, some homemade shooting
range in the basement.
I fired a gun once when I was real young, but then when I moved to California,
I bought
a gun, and I went to the range.
And I remember the first time I went to the range, the sound is so terrifying.
Like, when you walk into the, and you hear the boom, boom, and you realize each
one of
those could end your life easy.
Oh, yeah.
And it's just happening all around you, and you're just, like, hoping these
people next
to you keep their shit together.
Yeah.
Because, like, one of the ranges that I went to out in L.A., it was, like, a
rifle range,
and a long, it had a bunch of different ranges on it.
It's a big outdoor place.
One guy just went there and shot himself, like, right after I'd been there.
I was there, like, a week before.
Some guy just came there and decided this was going to be a good place to
commit suicide.
I wonder why.
I don't know.
I don't know why you would do that.
Or maybe he didn't plan on it, and then once he got there, he started shooting
guns,
and he's like, you know what?
I'm done.
Yeah, it seems like a weird place to do it.
What a fucking doofus.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe he wanted everybody to know.
It was just low IQ.
You know the gun, some guns are, like, three, four.
The guns are, like, 357 or something.
It's, like, scary.
It's, like, all jagged and fucking kicks back, and it's fucking scary.
Yeah.
The ones that really scare me, though, are the ones that are, like, smooth, no
kickback, really.
That's kind of freaky.
If you shoot one of those speed guns, like a staccato, they're, like, there's a
plant out here in Texas.
We went to visit it.
They're so precisely machined.
Their tolerances are so small.
When that thing slides, it's like, you're shooting a 9mm, and it feels like you're
shooting a .22.
I know.
It's amazing.
Like, there's zero kick to it.
I shot a musket in Boy Scouts.
No!
Yeah.
It just was, like, just, like, sparks just flying all the time.
I left a hole, like, this big in the target.
But my brother sent me some Ring camera footage from his, he lives in West
Cleveland, and he's, like, check this out.
And I watched it, and it was, and he's, like, I turned the volume up, and it
was just fully automatic gunfire in the background.
I was, like, what the fuck, dude?
And he's, like, yeah, dude, it's an automatic assault rifle going off in my
neighborhood last night.
Jesus Christ.
It sounded insane, dude.
Yeah.
Cleveland.
Well, it's not just Cleveland.
That's out here, too.
I was at a friend of mine's house, you could hear in the background.
This is just, like, Rambo style.
Jesus.
God, that, like, my friend's and I went to go see a, whatever the first Rambo
was that they made after, like, the 30-year hiatus.
The funny one?
Yeah.
The new one?
It's, like, I don't know if they made more than just that, but the last three
minutes of it, he kills, like, 800 people or something.
It's just so insane.
I heard the newest Rambo is preposterous.
Joey Diaz said it's hilarious.
Yeah.
He goes, it's fucking hilarious.
You gotta watch it.
It's a masterpiece.
Because it's just fucking, you know, it's this crazy cartoonish good guy, bad
guy thing from, like, the 80s, which looks so out of place.
But he still makes those movies the same way.
Like, if you go and watch, try to go watch.
Any adjustments?
No adjustments for the times.
No evolution.
If you go back and watch, like, those old movies, they're so ridiculous.
Go watch Red Dawn.
That would be, like, if we made the exact same record right now that we did
with the first record.
Yeah, but the problem is, like, movies are different than music, because some
old music is dope as fuck, right?
Like, and then I guess some old movies are dope, too.
Hell yeah.
I got pretty into, like, some later, more recent era, Steven Seagal stuff, like,
five, six years ago.
My friends and I would watch it, because it was just so insanely bad.
And then Dan sent me a link to the Comptown guys talking about these same films.
And it was, like, they summed it all up so perfectly, but it was basically,
like, you know.
One of the funny things is, like, he's so old, and his special forces team that
he assembles all has to be kind of his age.
Which means their commander has to be, like, 80.
Oh, my gosh.
So they show the commander, he has a white mustache, and old as fuck.
That's hilarious.
Tom Segura had a whole bit about Seagal.
Dude, I heard a story about him from someone who would know, and they said that,
like, this super agent, like, he was the personal trainer of this, like, super
agent.
Michael Ovitz.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that, like, he had a bet with another agent that he could make anybody
famous.
And they're like, well, how about your trainer?
Like, and I guess they asked him, like, he, you know, to learn a martial art or
something?
No, no, no, that's not it.
That's not it.
That's not it.
No, Steven Seagal is a legit Aikido specialist.
Right.
And that's, like, the art of, like, de-arming someone?
It was invented for samurai to fight against someone with a sword.
Right.
So it's all about, like, a redistribution of energy.
It's all about, I commit to you, and then you throw me to the ground.
The problem with that is if someone doesn't commit, someone just fucking grabs
you, wrestles
you.
You're a division one wrestler against an Aikido guy.
You're done.
The Aikido guy has zero chance.
There's not a chance in hell you're going to stop Daniel Cormier from taking
you down.
It is, there's zero chance.
Hamzat Tsumayev grabs you, you're going for a ride 100% of the time.
That's the other fucking awesome thing, too, that Seagal, in the, like, later
films,
where he doesn't even get up out of the chair.
He just does the shit and throws people down.
Yeah.
They come at him, and he just fucking...
Is he not, dog?
So this is Seagal when he was younger.
This is, Seagal was the first American to run a dojo in Japan.
Now, this is later.
This is actually later, because he's already got wacky hair.
Just his posture, he's so disrespectful.
Well, it's the whole idea behind him is that he was an American who spoke
Japanese.
He's married to a Japanese woman, and he ran a dojo in Tokyo, or somewhere in
Japan.
But it was very unusual for an American to be running a dojo.
But I think it was because he married the woman.
It's ridiculous.
The stuff where he's like, have you seen the clips of him in Belarus eating the
carrots and stuff?
He's eating carrots?
There's a good...
Yeah, he's hanging out with the president or dictator of Belarus, but it's
amazing.
Jamie, find the older footage.
Older footage.
Just eating carrots?
I'll watch this.
Look at the way he dresses.
Watch this.
Thank you.
It's so insane.
His hair is insane.
Of course, someone edited that, so he's like deep-throating the carrot.
And he's checking...
Watch, he makes a good, like, joke about the melons here in a second.
No, no problem.
Nice.
That's nice.
That's nice.
That's a weird thing about, like, old actors that, like, are kind of at the end
of the journey,
and they start appearing in foreign countries, meeting people.
I want to meet Steven Seagal.
Bring him to me.
And then, all of a sudden, he's a Russian citizen.
He's got a passport in Russia, like, no bullshit.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's a Russian citizen.
Right.
I knew that.
Mr. Putin's always been amazing to me.
He had...
There's a weird thing with this.
This is him when he was young.
So this is before the movie days.
This is him teaching Aikido.
This is cool.
This is much better, right?
But it's also not real.
Yeah.
Like, that shit doesn't work.
It's like, if you learn Aikido, you can do some of those things.
That was such bullshit.
He just threw the guy behind his back.
The clips from, like, the last couple years when he's doing it, they just...
It looks, you know, preposterous, really.
It's a lot of preposterousness to Aikido because the people are playing along
with it.
They're going along with it.
So that's real.
It's also, you know, it's just fucking...
That kind of martial art is like...
It's not...
You don't really know how to fight.
It's like learning a language, but you only learn, like, conjunctions.
You only learn, like, ands and buts and the, and you learn a couple of vowels.
So it's how we speak Spanish.
It's worse.
It's worse.
It's like, it's...
You just can't only do that.
If you want to learn how to do that for funsies, yeah, it's fun to do.
But don't think that this is going to really work.
There's shit that they didn't know.
It fucking worked for him.
Well, it would work if someone had a sword.
The thing is, like, the Japanese samurai, they knew how to fight.
And then that would be an art that they would train in just to learn how to disarm
sword-carrying weapon.
You know, like, someone who's got something, a spear, something that's going to
get you.
You lost your sword in battle.
There has to be a strategy for that.
So the Japanese came up with Aikido.
There's this dude that makes these dioramas that are out, like, insane detail.
And the whole time 