Name: Joe Rogan Experience #2229 - Jeff Dye
Uploaded: 2024-11-14T18:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2229 - Jeff Dye' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2229 - Jeff Dye' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-14. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #2229 - Jeff Dye

I used to have a dog that had terrible, I mean, I don't know. I'm always
traveling and also like,
I'm not real good with discipline of like someone else, you know, like I don't
know to train a dog.
So I just let him do anything. So I think it was hilarious. He'd be like
chewing on something,
like check that out. They're like, he shouldn't do that. I was like, eh, fuck
it, let him. Like,
I just liked the idea that he was wild. It made me happy. It's very bad though.
You know,
your dog bites somebody. Oh, he's always just humping stuff and like, he was a
Ridgeback. Oh,
Rhodesian Ridgeback. Yeah. Oh, but in my mind, I'm like, well, why do I want to
rain tyranny on this
dog and be like, he needs to sit. He needs, I kind of liked that he was like
this little psycho that
would hump things and that's fun, but you got to be able to control them. Yeah,
I know I couldn't.
Yeah. How old were you back then? I was young, like 31 or something at the time.
It was like,
young. It's not that young. Young to me, dude, I didn't become an adult for a
while. For like six
months ago. Yeah. Yeah. About four years, I think. No, but that dog, I would
open the door. He would
just dart and I was like, yeah, this dog is unhinged. I let him wolf. You liked
it. Yeah,
I liked it. That's crazy. It was crazy. Yeah. I've had some crazy dogs, but it's
like,
you got to train them. I know. They have to listen to you. Well, I had a lot of
pit bulls when I was
hungry. Oh, nice. You have to have to listen. You look like a pit bull. They
have to have like,
they have to have a sense that you're the boss. You have to be kind and sweet.
Oh, for sure. You love
them, but you're the boss. Like you have to train them. I trained my dog
diligently. It's like,
see a treat, sit, stay, line up, make them stay for five minutes and then give
them a big treat and hug them
and kiss them. You got to like make sure they fucking listen. Well, that was
the problem is that I would
literally like, he would be doing something and I'd be like, he doesn't respect
me. And I would think
like, it was just, it was, that's as simple as it was. My dog, he saw me as
like a cool guy. He
didn't respect me. He was your friend. Yeah, exactly. So like, I would leave
him with his dog trainer in
Sherman Oaks and the dog trainer would send me videos and he'd be like, look,
and I would, I would think,
look at me, my money's going to good. He, look at what my dog's doing. He's
doing a little turn,
but it's because he respected that guy. And so then he would come back to my
house. He'd just
piss on the couch while he's laying there. And I'm going, wait, what was all
that stuff he learned?
He goes, my dog's looking at me going, not for you. Yeah. You're my friend.
Yeah. You're the cool
guy. You're my fucking roommate, bro. We were buds. We're both dogs. Which is a
metaphor for my life
too. Like I was the fun piss on the couch guy, but at some point you got to
grow up and be
disciplined. You really do. Yeah. And you don't have as much fun, but you've
the fun that you have,
you appreciate. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Cause it's like, it's not out of control.
Yeah. My dog that I have
now is the first dog that I've ever had. That was so easy to train. It was like,
I didn't even train
him. And it's a golden. Aren't they kind of dumb? No. My dog's very smart. What's
the dumb breed?
They're just sweet. They're sweet. So people think they're dumb, but he
understands words.
Like I'll say, not that door, dude, let's go in the side door. And he turns
around and goes
towards the side door. Like he's, he gets it. Like he's a fucking smart dog,
but training
him was like that. Really? Oh my God. First of all, goldens have no resistance.
They don't
want to fight. They don't want to, they never growl at people. They never, if
they bark, if
they see something weird, they never bark at people. Like they're just the
sweetest dog.
So they just want you to be their friend. So I teach them to sit. It was like
real easy.
It was like sit. I push his butt down and then I give him a little treat and
then, and then
I'd say sit. He just sit down. Love it. I give him a treat. Yeah. And then next
day it was
like sit. He sat, pat him on the head, give him a kiss. He, now he just listens.
Which
is also the metaphor for, for humans. We like to have a little, uh, approval.
Like it's
less than, it's less of the treat and the pat on the head. I made dad happy.
Yeah.
They're the most like people, those dogs. They're the most like people. What's
the
dumb breed? Cause I don't want to keep doing this. There's a lot of dumb breeds.
Sometimes
I'll see like a Dalmatian and then I'll ask the, that one. Poor little Carl.
Carl was, Carl's
not the brightest. But his brain's the size of my thumb. It doesn't have a big
head. They're
cute though. That's the thing. I fucking love the shit out of that dog. Yeah.
He's so jacked
too. Look how jacked he is. His little muscles. He's in constant shape. Well
him and Marshall
like go to war. Like he just, when, when Marshall's here, like Carl gets so
tired from playing
with my dog. Cause my dog doesn't fight back. So he just totally takes
advantage of it.
I love it. Just throws himself at him like a torpedo. But when it's over, he
like can't
breathe. He's like. Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause he's, he was bred to not wrestle. He's
got no nose.
Yeah. He's got no fucking nasal cavity. It's like. It is a weird dog. That used
to be a wolf.
They look like aliens. But it's so fucking weird that humans turned a wolf into
that fucking
thing. I think it's our best invention. It's a pretty cool job. Like not saying
it's an ethical
thing or a smart. I mean, it's kind of like, you know, if you knew what you
were doing to
a wolf, it's kind of fucked up. But, but it doesn't need to survive. That thing's,
yeah,
he's got Jamie's got us. He's in the safest place in America right now. Like
when you see
those ladies that carry him around in their little purses, they got a dog
carrying around
with their purse. Yeah. That's like, that used to be a wolf. That's wild. They're
trying
to do that to us. What? I know. That's the problem. Just keep your dogs. They're
trying to
do that to us. Don't change me. They want to do it to everybody. I know. If Kamala
won, we would've been one step closer to poodles. That's right. Yeah. Every day
I was getting
closer. That's why I'm single too. Just trying to hold on to any freedom I got.
It's what,
you got to find someone that you jive with that gets you. And that's what's
hard. It's
like people want to change people. Girls look at guys, they look at some guys
like a project.
Like, I know he doesn't want to settle down. I know he doesn't want this, but
if I could
just get him to start changing the way he dresses. I know. And then I get him
to do things.
Open the car door for me. Like my hands don't work. I know. I'm still, I'm the
Ridgeback
we were just talking about. Where I'm going, just let me be wild. Let me, like,
you know,
like I, I'll spend like 24 hours with a woman and I just enjoy every second of
it. I enjoy
every, like all the affection, the door opening. I enjoy these kind of things,
you know, taking
care of someone, showing them how cool. Do you open up the car door? Yeah, I'll
do that.
Yeah, I like that. But I'll show them my life, you know, hey, these are my
comedy buddies and
watch me go kill on stage. Oh, I got this. I'll pay for everything. And about
like at a 24 hours
of my brain, I'm like, I got to get out of this. Like how, like how do I reset?
Maybe you're overdosing.
Maybe it's like binge drinking. Yeah, maybe. You know, if you have a glass of
wine with dinner,
you don't feel like, like, oh, get that fucking wine away from me. That is true.
But if you drink,
like Burt Kreischer, you drink fucking boxes of wine. Burt would get on the
treadmill and drink
a box of wine on the treadmill. Burt suffers from the same disease Patrice had.
He doesn't
know how, like he's so this one of a kind person that he, everything he says
and all the advice
he tries to give don't work for anyone else because he's one of a kind. So he'll
say, here's
what you got to do. And you go, that doesn't apply to me. Do you know what I'm
saying? We
can't be on a treadmill drinking a box of wine and then go do a show for 200
grand. We're
different people. He, he can keep going. I've never seen anyone like him. He's
a freak athlete,
believe it or not. I believe that. Tom Segura played him in a game of tennis
and Tom got a
tennis coach. They had this like this big tennis match. They even did it on
like one of those,
uh, your mom's house live screens. You know, like they made a big deal out of
it. Big tennis
match. Bert destroyed him. Oh yeah. Drunk, hungover, giant belly, serves like a
pro. He said
he literally serves like a fucking division one college player. I didn't know
that about
him. Yeah. That's pretty impressive. He goes, what the fuck? Yeah. He goes, his
serve is
insane. That makes total sense. I mean, I'm not, yeah, I'm like somewhat
surprised by it.
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Offer applicable for new customers only. Yeah, he just knows how to do. He's
also got this bizarre
confidence that allows him to not have anxiety about trying new things. Great
for this business.
Oh yeah, just dives in, takes his shirt off. Look at me. Well, I'm just
thinking like,
because early he went on something where he was gone. If someone tells you to
quit drinking,
don't stop drinking. Tell them to shut up. Drinking's the best thing. I go,
Jesus Christ,
you know how many alcoholics are hearing this right now, Burt? Like, some
people should quit,
some people shouldn't. I get what he's trying to do. I get the point that he
was trying to do,
but in my mind, boom. Oh, that was beautiful. What is he doing there? He hit it
over the fence.
Yeah, but the form of that was beautiful. What did he do there? I think he aced
him. Oh, he did ace him.
Tom's flustered. Yeah, he's really good. Tom's just happy he didn't snap his
leg here. Boom. Yeah,
look at that fucking serve. Bro, it's got a curve to it too. Oh, that's great.
Also, Burt looks fit here. It's the outfit. That'