Name: Joe Rogan Experience #2265 - Kurt Metzger
Uploaded: 2025-01-30T18:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2265 - Kurt Metzger' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2265 - Kurt Metzger' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-30. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #2265 - Kurt Metzger

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
Okay.
Meet the Cosby kids.
Oh my God, look at this.
The thing says meet the Cosby kids.
Who wrote this sketch?
I don't know.
But what's funny is that back then that was ridiculous.
Yes.
Hey, I mean, Phil Hartman's gone, but all the rest of you, thanks for speaking
up.
Hey, this reminds me of a sketch that we did.
Right.
How come I just heard of this now?
How come I just heard of this now?
Boy, SNL was funny.
Oh, SNL was great when Phil Hartman was on it.
The early days of SNL were amazing.
Was Al Franken working there when they did that?
I don't know.
Because I would think Senator Franken would have said something.
Oh, he's not signing it anymore.
He got caught hugging a girl.
Yeah, I would think after you got screwed over like that, you wouldn't still do
Blue Maga,
but I guess you would.
Ah, he's just locked in.
Hey, man.
That guy's great, too.
Al Franken's a great guy.
Yo, he had a funny, one time he was on Conan, this made me laugh so hard.
He was saying how the internet, how great it is for kids.
You know, my son, my kid just did a third grade report on bestiality.
And the other kids just loved it.
How crazy is it that that was a preposterous sketch?
Well, you know, John Money, I'm sure whoever wrote that knew about John Money,
right?
The guy that came up with that.
I bet they didn't.
I bet they just did it.
You know, Lampoon, Harvard people, right?
Right.
So, you know, they go, oh, the Simpsons, how do they predict the future?
No, you're near the people that pull the levers of power in college.
Like, you're just going to osmosis up their fucking plans.
It ain't psychic.
Yeah, but they don't, like, broadcast their plans to students, undergrad
students.
Yeah, they do.
What do you think a Rhodes Scholar is?
That's them broadcasting their plans.
That's what the great Bill Clinton, I believe you had a meanie fly contact with.
What do you mean by broadcaster plans?
The plans have never been seen.
You know, like, the plans were never in the 90s or the 80s.
The plans were never turned boys into girls.
Well, not in your department, but I mean, you know how far back this should go?
You know, you know, in Rome, the galleys of Kybly, you know what that is?
When they were losing to Hannibal and the priestess of Kybly, it's like C-E-Y-B-E-L-E.
It looks like Sibley, but it's Kybly.
Okay.
And the myth behind it is insane.
Like, the myth story is this one God that was too horny that had both sets of
organs.
So they trick him.
I love, like, they trick him with wine and they tie his dick to the ground.
Come on, somebody went to church on Sunday.
Somebody went to a church and learned this.
Tie his dick to the ground like how they do a bull, like, through the nose?
Yes, yes, yes, exactly.
And then he jumped up and it ripped his dick off.
Oh, Jesus.
And then so he starts hanging out with his handsome nephew and his nephew is faking
like he's a great hunter because this dickless uncle.
He still has a pussy, the uncle.
But these gods sure sound like just L.A. people.
Why don't the gods just sound like L.A. people?
This is it.
So my favorite.
Kybly?
Yeah.
The eunuch priest.
So my favorite writing about it is, like, when they celebrate Kybly.
And then the legend or the myth has more of, like, this wedding gets sabotaged
by the jealous, ripped-off dick guy.
And the women cut off their own breasts and the men cut off their genitals.
And there's an early Christian, I can't remember who's writing about it, but he
goes, he goes, they cut off their genitals and go about shrieking in the street.
They cast themselves as a sign of devotion to the goddess.
Yeah, so I don't think nothing's new, you know?
I think it's all the same shit repackaged in different ways.
So then, you know.
They wore saffron rose and clash symbols together as they walked down the
streets.
So they were basically having, like, one of those women's protests.
Kybly was also known as Magda Mater or the Great Mother.
So the doctor, if you heard Phil Hartman, he goes, mommy says, you know, like,
this is, like, a theme that goes through history.
Well, you know what Nero did, right?
What Nero did to one of them?
Yeah.
He took that boy, when his wife died, he found a slave that looked like his
wife and chopped his dick off and turned him into his wife.
Remember when you had that guy, Thaddeus, whatever, the postmodern guy?
I was just watching a clip.
Oh, yeah.
And I happened to just re-watch it.
And he basically told you, like, nothing's anything.
Yeah.
That's why I think the simulation talk is all, like, I look at everything as,
what's the marketing here to me?
And a lot of it's like, nothing means anything.
So, you know, like, what's the big deal with kids you could do stuff with,
right?
It always gets to that eventually.
Well, most of those guys who say that don't have kids.
Yeah.
You absorb your, dude, it's like middle-aged men.
You know, by the way, I'm heavily invested in Hawktoe coin.
Let me talk about these idiots.
We should talk about that because I want to know what is going on with the MAGA
coin.
Here's the thing that we were talking about last night.
Yeah.
The MAGA coin was worth $36 billion.
Yeah.
Trump coin.
It's not the MAGA coin?
No, it's Trump coin.
It's just Trump.
Okay, Trump coin.
So the Trump coin, I'm calling it the MAGA coin, sorry.
The Trump coin's worth $36 billion.
What that means is 36,000 people put a million dollars in.
That doesn't even make sense.
So that's 36,000 million.
That's what 36 billion is.
I believe you.
I'm not good at math.
Isn't that right?
That's right.
I know Hawktoe was going to the moon.
That sounds insane.
Yeah.
That you could get 36,000 people.
Let's say it's way more people, way less money they contribute.
It still seems insane if you're using real money.
You've never been to a casino or something?
But that's the point.
We talked about this.
You and I talked about this.
It is essentially gambling.
It's degenerate gamblers is how the people that make the coins talk about the
people.
Right.
But the argument is that Trump is ripping off his fans with this Trump coin.
My question is, how is he ripping off his fans?
It's basically like DraftKings.
What are you doing?
So it's a casino.
And the thing is, the reason people, like, you know, Hawktoe coin, people know
it's stupid,
right?
Right.
But the kind of what people say the scam was, as I understand it, is they
thought they were
getting in on the dump phase, too.
Of course.
So the trick is, almost everybody getting in on it knows they're going to have
to dump
it, and they think they're going to dump it first.
So they're not, the pump is for other idiots.
I mean, it's built in that another idiot's going to shoulder the whatever
happens from
this, but what happens is every so often, this is my buddy who's telling me who
works in
it, one of them does turn out to be real.
So something like a Trump coin, like, now I'm more of a Warren Buffett where I
wish I had
golden Trump shoes, because I'll bet those will retain value.
I think I have a pair of those.
Tony has a pair.
I know.
He wore them to the club.
I'm like, I wouldn't even wear them out.
Why not?
Those are going to put my kids through Trump University.
What about that Hawktoe hat?
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Seriously, get on this.
That has to be worth bank someday.
I feel like to promote Hoctua coin, it's worth it.
You've got to spend money to make money, Joe.
Hoctua.
Are you familiar with Hoctua?
I think it's a surfboard company.
So here's the question.
What's the problem with having a coin?
Because there's a bunch of those coins, and the thing is, it's unbefitting of a
president.
I get that argument.
That makes sense.
You know, you shouldn't do that.
You should be really concentrated on running the company.
You shouldn't have some obvious money grab.
What about being completely senile?
Is that unbecoming?
Yeah, it should have been unbecoming.
Yo, shut up about unbecoming from now on.
The chart for Trump coin right now, but a lot of that comes from, it shows the
top 10
holders of the coin, the number one would be the wallet who started it.
Okay, so that's his.
So he owns 80%.
So here's the thing.
If they don't sell, if the person who owns the coin, say if you made a Metzger
coin, and
the Metzger coin was worth $36 billion.
Congratulations.
Yeah, it is.
You are so rich.
I value it at that.
By the way, here's the thing.
I only have $5 billion.
Oh.
Whoa.
I mean, when it goes down.
It dropped from $36 to $5?
That's not good.
When they were saying it was at $30, whatever, the highest it was, the coin was
worth $72
or $73 a coin.
It's now down to $25, $26.
Should you sell?
How much do you have in it?
Depends on.
How much do you have in it?
I know you got in on it.
I don't disclose stuff like that.
He gets in on that stuff.
Well, if you can get in.
I have to catch the tweet early.
Friday night.
I knew you did.
Do we catch it early?
You remember that game Pharaoh?
Jamie's going to just show up with like fucking velour pants on.
That wasn't that a Ferrari.
It wasn't that early.
Dude, please get velour pants.
A velour jumpsuit.
I don't think I'd have one.
When a man comes in wearing velour, you're like, you just hit it big on shit
coin, didn't
you?
Feeling good about myself.
Dude, I told you I think that's what Kamala was because they all knew she
wouldn't win.
And they ran a great campaign.
They keep saying that hypnotic phrase.
Well, great in that they knew she wouldn't win.
They all didn't like her.
And they all cashed in.
They go, okay.
They did cash in.
They didn't just cash in, but a lot of those special interest groups cashed in.
She's a human hawk to a pump and dump.
Right.
Yeah.
Because what was the final tally for the amount of money they spent?
At first they were saying it was $1 billion.
But it's more.
I think now they've got it at $1.5 billion.
Yeah.
It's like the Tim and Eric billion dollar movie.
And I'll bet Tim and Eric voted for her.
They definitely voted for her.
Smart.
It's important when you're in Hollywood to vote right.
If you want to get ahead in your career, you have to vote right.
You have to vote correctly.
If you really want to get ahead, you should do something dirty on tape with
another scummy motherfucker that you can hold over each other.
You know, that's how our government works.
That's what I heard.
America's national bird should be gay blackmail.
Okay.
Do you know what the eye in the pyramid is?
It's somebody peeping through a hole and watching you.
How Kamala Harris burned through $1.5 billion in 15 weeks.
So she's the hawk to of this.
They're dumping it all on her, even though it was probably Howie Mandel's son-in-law
that did it.
She's pressed for more cash since the election, which is crazy.
She's asking for cash.
Yo, my girl gets, because my girl gets Democrat fundr