Name: Joe Rogan Experience #2413 - Theo Von
Uploaded: 2025-11-18T18:00:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2413 - Theo Von' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2413 - Theo Von' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-18. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #2413 - Theo Von

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
Who, me?
Sorry, I didn't know you were talking.
There's only three of us in here.
I don't know, dude.
The glasses, man, what's the new sophisticated look?
Yeah, I got them.
What the fuck's going on?
I see, I see you got them.
Yeah, they're great, man.
My buddy, Joseph, gave them to me.
I got them from him.
Yeah?
Yeah, and they're popping.
And they help, too.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Are you losing your vision?
I don't think so, but I think these just make it even better.
Okay.
Let me see.
Let me try them.
Let me see how bad your eyes are.
Try them on, big dog.
Oh, barely.
I could get them weighted, too, so you could do a neck workout where you have
them on.
Why would you do that?
This is, God, I can't tell the difference.
Are you sure these are real?
I think they are.
I don't think these are real glasses, dog.
Let me see.
I don't think they, Jamie, put these on.
I don't, first of all, they're smeared as fuck.
Yeah, somehow they keep getting grease on them, dude.
All I've done.
You got greasy fucking fingers.
What?
You're not supposed to, look at you, you're rubbing your head.
You're rubbing your greasy face.
I don't even go in the kitchen.
You don't need grease.
You don't need to go in the kitchen for grease.
Barely tell the difference, right?
It's doing something, but.
Barely.
Barely.
This is psychological.
It's like, it's, if you're 20, if you're not 2020, you're 20, 25.
These are psychological, dog.
You don't think they're good?
No, no, I'm not saying.
I mean, they're fine, but they're psych.
Yes, sir.
Do you look smarter?
I look smarter, right?
Like, I've been reading too much.
Yeah, yeah.
They're, I think it's a psychological thing.
Yeah, it could be.
I think you've got to believe that they make you see better.
My vision's okay.
It's not as good as it was when I was young.
I've got to read the packaging again.
But it's a lot better than it used to be.
I started using a red light, a red light bed.
Makes a giant difference, man.
Really?
Huge difference.
Yeah, I don't need reading glasses anymore.
I needed reading glasses for a while.
Like, look at my phone.
Like, it was fine text.
I don't need it at all anymore.
And that's because of the red light?
Oh, yeah, 100%.
Huh.
Yeah, red light therapy and certain vitamins, like lutein.
There's a few different.
There's a company called Pure Encapsulations.
They make a formulation called Macular Support.
And I take that stuff.
But those two things, for sure, have had a big impact.
I think it's the red light, though, more than anything.
That was the big factor.
I've been doing sauna, and I've been getting in there.
It feels good.
I feel like a little dumpling when I get out of there.
Oh, yeah.
It's good.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah, it feels good.
Yeah.
Get that body all heated up, and everything just kind of flows out of you.
I saw a protocol of what you're supposed to do before you get in there, and I've
never
done any of these things.
But it's like, how much water are you supposed to drink before you go in?
Fuck all that, dude.
Like 45 minutes, you're supposed to go.
You're supposed to drink, like, a liter of water with electrolytes and some
magnesium.
I don't know.
Some guy made this.
That's the problem.
Like, everybody's an online guru.
Yeah, well, everything they watch, it's like they think you're trying to get in
the Olympics.
It's like, bitch, I'm just trying to fucking get to work.
You know what I'm saying, bitch?
I'm just trying to fucking...
I just want to feel a little bit better.
Yeah, I'm just trying to make it out of my garage.
Just give me an edge.
Yeah.
Give me an edge on this cold, hard world.
Yeah, that's the only thing, man.
That's all I'm looking for.
But good to see you, dude.
Good to see you always, my friend.
I'm glad you're still alive.
You too.
I'm glad you're still alive, too.
Amen.
We've both been interviewing dangerous people.
Have we, you think?
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
You really have.
Who have I interviewed that you haven't?
It's more dangerous.
Oh, I don't know.
That's a good question.
I mean, I did...
I don't...
Yeah, I don't think I've had people that's that dangerous.
Maybe Thomas Massey.
Oh, did you have him on?
Yeah.
Yeah, they all hate him right now.
It's...
This is a sad thing about both political parties,
not just the right, but the left, too,
is they decide that they're going to gang up on someone
for not toeing the line.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, whatever happened to having different opinions,
whatever happened to having different perspectives
and being able to argue your perspective.
Yeah.
But then they have these goofy-ass bills,
which, by the way, they just fucking...
They slipped something into this last bill
that Mitch McConnell guy did, I believe.
Check...
Making sure that he did it.
The hemp thing.
They slipped this thing in where you can no longer buy CBD
with, like...
It has to be, like, the lowest trace amount of THC in it,
which is for, like...
Like, my wife's mom, you know,
she's an older lady,
and she takes CBD for pain,
for joints and stuff like that.
Does she smoke it,
or she does the oink it?
No, she takes, like, oil, like CBD oil.
Yeah, he's not getting in there.
Oh, he's taking a hit of something.
That old fucking dead turtle.
He's a leading proponent of closing
a 2018 Farm Bill loophole,
allowing intoxicating THC to be sold in low doses.
See...
But he's got a couple of fucking milligrams in his neck.
Look at that motherfucker.
He's got something going on.
They definitely got him medicated.
There ain't no way that guy's sleeping without help.
Everybody hates him.
It looks like he hit a joint.
It won't leave him alone.
Go back up and show him.
Like, took an edible.
He, like, Joey Diaz dosed him.
Yeah, yeah.
He looks like he's on the church.
He's on the church of what's happening now,
and Joey Diaz...
Stay black, cocksucker.
Joey Diaz and Lee are just staring at him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They got to change that.
That's really bad.
Why is it bad?
Because of what they...
Because for people that are getting benefits from CBD,
the THC along with the CBD...
And by the way,
we're talking super, super low amounts,
but there's something about how CBD and THC work
in a synergistic way
for people that are in a lot of pain.
I know a lot of people,
and like I said, my wife's mom,
she says the stuff with the THC in it works better,
and it's not getting her high.
Like, this is the misunderstanding.
This stuff's not going to get you high,
but what it will do
is it helps with anxiety for a lot of people.
It definitely reduces inflammation,
and for people that have, like, joint pain...
Like my friend Dave Foley.
Dave Foley from News Radio.
Kids in the Hall, Dave Foley.
Awesome guy.
Dave had, like, pretty severe arthritis in his hands,
like, where, you know,
he was really having a hard time opening his hands.
Started taking CBD oil.
Did he open a jar or anything like that,
you think?
Was it hard?
It was in pain, man.
It was bad.
But now it's gone,
and it's gone because of CBD.
It's really effective, man.
It's really effective.
And so what they're saying
that they don't want you to...
Why are they doing that?
Because they want to control it?
It's the alcohol lobby.
It's the same people
that are trying to keep marijuana illegal in Texas.
It's the alcohol lobby.
This is the fact.
The fact is,
when people start smoking weed,
they drink less.
And, you know,
I mean,
it could be because
they just decided to get high
and not get drunk,
or it could be
that they smoke pot
and they get a little paranoid
and they go,
oh, my God,
why am I poisoning myself
five days a week?
Well, a lot of people now
feel like they're just doing,
like, cocaine and saunas,
it seems like.
I don't think
they're doing those together.
Maybe in your neighborhood.
Not in our area.
Maybe it's your town.
I want my neighbors
to know that.
Maybe your neighbors
are coming over
in their underwear
with a fucking baggie.
Let's go, Theo.
Let's go.
Let's get that bitch
up to 185.
Let's go.
There's a place up ahead.
Throw that water
on them rocks.
I'm ready.
I want my nasal cavity
to be open wide.
Get that eucalyptus
in the air.
Bro, dude.
The best is, yeah,
if you have a good brother
or somebody
and they say eucalyptus.
Yeah, eucalyptus.
Get the eucalyptus in the air.
But, yeah,
I don't know if a lot of people
are even drinking
that much anymore.
Do you think?
A lot less people are drinking,
including me.
But I did have a drink
the other night
before I went on stage
and I felt great.
Woo, I haven't done that in a while.
I had a little whiskey
before I went on stage.
But I gave up on drinking
entirely for many months.
I forget how many months,
but it was quite a while
where I didn't have
a sip of alcohol
and I felt way better.
You did?
Yeah, but I don't think
there's anything wrong
with moderation.
You know, like,
when I was in New York,
I went to this place,
Teresi.
Oh, my God.
For MSG, you mean?
For the pipes just now?
Oh, my God.
There's this Italian restaurant
in New York City
called Teresi.
Oh, it's so good.
Remember that place
you took me to, Joseph?
Oh, yeah, Gaetano's
in Vegas.
Oh, so good.
That guy, the little...
Oh, bro.
All handmade pasta
at Gaetano's, man.
What was that little thing?
It's like a little square.
There's raviolis in there.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, right?
Like a shingle
fell off the roof of heaven
and landed in my mouth.
Yeah, with that sauce,
just perfect sauce.
And Gaetano's
is like a lot of...
It's like the best ones
get their flour
from Italy
because it doesn't
fuck with your stomach.
Our flour's all messed up, man.
Our wheat's messed up.
Oh, yeah,
a lot of our wheat's
from Memphis, dude.
A lot of our wheat
has like, yeah...
all kinds of pesticides on it.
It's trap wheat.
A lot of it has fucking...
Trap wheat.
Yeah, a lot of it has guns.
It has like fucking
bullet holes in our wheat.
You could test positive for Coke
just from that...
Just from eating wheat.
Just from having bread.
Do you know how many
dollar bills
test positive for Coke?
It's some crazy number.
Yeah, I could imagine
that that's probably true.
This guy tests positive, huh?
That's Art Bell.
Was that your stepdad?
No, that's Art Bell.
You don't know who Art Bell is?
Coast to coast with Art Bell
from the kingdom of Nye.
Yeah, Pahrump, Nevada.
That's him?
Yeah, that's Art.
He's the godfather
of fun conspiracies.
Yes, he's...
Like UFOs.
The radio station
could listen at night.
Dude, he was my nighttime jam
coming home from the comedy store.
I could see that.
Always,
because you're coming home
from the comedy store,
it's like, you know,
one o'clock in the morning
and the art...
Coast to coast with Art Bell
is on.
The guy calls up,
Art, I'm a time traveler.
He had a time traveler hotline.
Of course he did, dude.
He was you.
He was you, you freak.
How many time travelers
you've had in here?
Probably a couple.
Oh, yeah.
At least one.
A couple that probably
can't find their way home, too.
At least one.
I've had at least one time traveler.
No, dude, that's you.
I could totally picture it now.
You, like,
you get a car
with some speakers in it
and you're the only one
driving around
listening to Art Bell.
Oh, there's a lot of people
listening.
He was really popular.
Oh, no, I know how popular he was,
but I mean at a level
where you would bump it with space.
Oh, yeah.
Like, you loved it that much.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, I loved it.
I loved it.
You know, it's like
the perfect stuff
to occupy your mind
coming home from the comedy store.
Oh, yeah.
Because occasionally
it was, like, real shit.
Like, occasionally
he'd have some people
talking about
some really fascinating things.
You know, like,
asteroid impacts
and he had Terrence McKenna
on a few times.
He had a lot of
interesting people,
but then every now and then
he would mix it up
with a dude
who says he's a werewolf.
And Art would never go,
man, you ain't a werewolf.
He would go,
interesting, tell me more.
He let dudes talk.
He let