Name: Joe Rogan Experience #2445 - Bert Kreischer
Uploaded: 2026-01-29T18:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2445 - Bert Kreischer' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan Experience #2445 - Bert Kreischer' from PowerfulJRE on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-29. Transcript available.

Joe Rogan Experience #2445 - Bert Kreischer

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
The Joe Rogan experience.
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.
Hey, does the red light therapy really help your fucking eyes?
A hundred percent.
I'm doing it.
Are we rolling?
Yeah.
My eyes are so fucked.
Yeah.
I can't see Joe.
Get one of the Gary Brecca beds for your house.
Well, there's a bunch of companies that sell them, but you want like a really
powerful
red light bed.
I did it this morning.
Dude, it changed my vision.
I can't, when I'm in the shower, I can't read shampoo, bath gel.
Whoa.
Like I'm like, dude, why do they need to be small?
Can't you just make it big as fuck so everyone can see it?
They're not that small.
I can't see them.
And then I'm getting out naked, putting on readers to see what I'm fucking, I've
washed
my hair with conditioner so many times.
Yeah, mine was getting bad.
Mine was getting where I needed these fucking things, which I haven't picked up
in months.
I heard you say that and I was like, dude.
I did, I went to ASTWELL the other day and I did the red light bed every day,
every day
until I Googled how much it costs.
That thing's fucking expensive.
It's expensive, the real one.
But Whitney got one that's not that expensive and it's fixed her eyes.
She got one that she just sits in front of every day for like 20 minutes or
something
like that.
I love that.
Oh, dude, it's amazing.
But the big ones, the beds, they help your whole body recover.
Let's put that into perplexity and say, what is the benefits of powerful red
light therapy?
I fucking, I use AI so much now.
I was, in the beginning, I was resisting it so much.
Then perplexity came on as a sponsor.
And now instead of searching things online, I just ask the phone.
I just pull up the app and ask it a question.
I don't have to type anything.
And then it gives me an answer.
And then I could say, well, what's the benefits of it?
And then it'll list out the benefits.
And then I'll say, what are the cons?
And it'll list out the cons.
Like, is there, you know, there, there are any people that disagree with this?
Perplexity?
Yeah.
So I got, I got one.
My questions are always like, they're always more like about me.
So I, like, they're very.
Why do you look yourself up?
No, no, not about nobody.
No, I don't look myself up.
It's about like, no, my, my health or my experience in life.
So like, so like, I was like, I was the other day I was in bed.
I was like, all right, I think my generation had the greatest run.
Like out of, out of all the generations around my generation, Gen X had the
greatest run.
We got great childhoods, right?
Right.
We got to experience cell phones.
We got to be impressed by the cell phone.
Right.
We, uh, we had nine 11, which wasn't great, but was the time of the country
healed.
Right.
Everyone wants a big tragedy, like the JFK shooting.
You want that moment where you walk by a bar and they're like, what are you
doing?
Like, you haven't heard?
We got one of those.
Right.
With the pandemic, which is insane.
Right.
We had our music play better.
We had rock.
We had, I mean, just the, all the internet took off.
So we got to experience that.
I think my generation, Gen X has yours too, right?
Right.
Yeah.
I'm Gen X.
So I asked that to chat GBT and I was wrong.
What do you mean?
The greatest generation is actually labeled the greatest generation.
It's my grandmother, your grandmother.
They experienced horse and buggy.
They then went, they saw cars.
They saw television all within the time they had horse and buggy.
They saw people land on the moon.
I mean, all that shit.
Telephones.
Who got fucked with the baby boomers.
They were just old enough to not understand cell phones.
Like, they got fucked.
Millennials got fucked.
Millennials got real fucked.
Yeah.
I don't know about the greatest generation.
I think, I think you're correct.
I think the passage of the internet, like the internet going through our lives
and, and cell
phones, like I experienced VHS tapes first, then I experienced answering
machines.
That was a big one.
Caller ID.
You know, who's calling you.
You could just duck people.
That was crazy.
I remember when caller ID showed up.
I don't remember when Star 69 showed up.
Where you could block your caller ID.
Star 69 was good because you could call people back that were pranking you.
Yeah.
Like, hey motherfucker.
Like, what?
What's going on?
Dude, we got prank calls.
My kids, my kids, they never got prank calls.
Like, they never understood what a prank call was.
The Jerky Boys.
The Jerky Boys were fucking amazing.
Dude.
Those guys were so funny.
Those recordings were so funny.
You know who did a great fucking prank call video recording?
Who?
Greg Fitzsimmons.
Really?
Oh my God.
It's hilarious.
He did this one we called a rental car place and he said that the car was on
fire because
they went to the gas station and they filled up pots and pans with gas and they
put it in
the back seat and fucking Bobby's smoking and now the car's on fire.
Like, you got to hear this guy freaking out.
What do you mean the car's on fire?
It's, you can't do that anymore.
Dude, Greg, you know when people go like, what kind of music do you listen to?
When you talk to a real musician, like, you talk to the Black Keys, right?
Right.
And then you go like, what are you guys listening to?
They're like, have you heard of the Velvet Thud or something?
Right, right.
They've got some obscure rap.
Yeah.
And they're like, that's what you need to listen to.
When people say, I listen to Sunday Papers, that's Fitzsimmons and Gibbons
podcast, I
go, you're real comedy fans.
Those are the two funniest human beings alive ever.
Greg Fitzsimmons, when I got ready for Lucky, I brought him on the road with me.
I was like, dude, I trust you.
Just tell me where I'm sloppy.
Tell me where I'm lazy.
Tell me where I'm leaving jokes.
And that first night he was like, you got a minute.
And he went through my whole hour.
He's like, I think you're leaving this on the table.
Dude, those motherfuckers are the funniest dudes alive.
Yeah, Greg's awesome.
We started out together.
We started like one week apart from each other.
For real?
Yeah, literally.
We went on the road.
God, in the early days, Greg and I traveled everywhere.
We did open mic.
We would drive to Rhode Island, do open mics together.
He was a great example of the first dude I ever saw talking about his family on
stage.
And it wasn't nerdy.
Right, right, right, right.
Him and his son ran a train on his wife.
What?
It was a great joke.
He was like, I had my first threesome.
It was with my son, so it's a little awkward.
I'm fucking Greg's joke up.
He goes, my son was breastfeeding.
I was getting her from behind.
We had to high five in the middle.
But I remember hearing that as a...
Remember when...
Remember being a dad as a comic was like off limits?
Right, right.
And I saw that.
I just had Georgia.
The second person I saw...
The first person was Greg.
The second person I saw...
And I mean, I'm talking just had Georgia was Louis fucking CK.
I went and worked the road with him.
And he was doing all the material for that first special that popped for him.
And he was talking about his kids.
And he was just like, my daughter's a cunt.
And he goes, I know you're not supposed to say that.
But what else do you say to someone who won't put their shoes on?
They're a cunt.
We're trying to leave the house.
And they won't put their shoes on.
Imagine if you wouldn't leave...
And it was just like...
And it was like, I'm sitting there, you know, lost in like what I thought was
stand-up
was like some imitation of Dane, you know?
And I'm watching Louis going like, this is something totally different.
Yeah.
Those guys.
Best prank call I've ever heard.
Sidebar.
Brendan Walsh.
Brendan Walsh's a funny motherfucker.
Brendan Walsh.
What's he up to?
I don't know.
I think he does like...
He's always been like more art comedy, you know?
Like more like performance.
He does these podcasts where he puts a neck brace on, a wig and giant glasses,
and he plays
a character.
He's a funny dude, man.
Do you remember when...
He was an Austin guy.
He was an Austin guy.
Yeah.
He was...
He was...
I remember he was...
Do you remember he was on your podcast?
I remember him telling you this story, and I think about this all the time.
A circuit city had closed by his house.
And so...
And he lives in Silver Lake.
Do you remember this?
Oh, that's right.
He made a prank.
We told everybody he was turning into a Whole Foods.
And he got everybody so excited.
Oh, Whole Foods is giving you Silver Lake.
He just did it for himself.
Yeah.
So that he could be at the coffee shop and hear people talking about Whole
Foods.
He did a prank call.
I think Stan Hope sent it to me.
He was like, this is the best prank call ever.
And it's Brendan calling a phone sex.
And you know they always try to keep you on the line.
Right.
So he's like, hey, what are you wearing?
She was like, nothing.
What are you wearing?
He's like, nothing.
And then you hear like a dog barking in the back.
And she goes, is that your dog?
He's like, yeah, yeah, ignore him.
Ignore him.
And then the dog barks a little longer.
And he's like, tell me what are you touching yourself?
And then you hear a baby crying in the back.
And she's like, is that your baby?
And he's like, no, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's a different room.
It's totally fine.
And then you hear a woman come in and go, are you on the fucking phone sex
again?
And he's like, hey, leave me alone.
And she's like, do you know when to do this later?
He's like, yeah, don't worry about it.
And then you hear a marching band come in playing Alua, Alua, and he's just
trying to hold her on the line.
Dude, I was crying.
That is like, like, you know, not to like get too meta about it, but comedy has
become so, and I'm a part of this, I'm so self-promotional and put it on.
I got to take it.
It's a new show.
When you see someone like Brendan or like Greg and Mike who just do it for the
pure, just to make themselves giggle.
Yeah.
It's so beautiful.
Gillis is like that.
Yeah.
Gillis is, Gillis, I always think he's just a, like a, like a, my favorite
Shane Gillis story that I will, for the, until I die.
We're doing, we're doing Fully Loaded the first year.
And Shane's on everyone.
Mark's on everyone.
Nikki's on everyone.
It's like, it's, stop it.
It's the best year we probably did it.
No offense.
And Shane sees my daughter, George, who's being a PA with her friend, Daisy.
And he's, the very last night, Shane walks up and he's like, you guys sneaking
beers?
And they're like, no.
He goes, oh, come on.
I'm not going to rat you out.
And they're like, no, we're not.
And he's like, come on.
You're 18 years old.
You're on tour.
It's our last night.
You guys are sneaking beers.
And they're like, we're not sneaking beers.
He goes, I can smell the beer on you.
And they're like, we've been sneaking beers.
And he goes, okay.
And he just sits down right next to me.
He goes, George is sneaking beers.
Did you know she was sneaking beers?
No, I had no idea.
Shane just fucking ratted her out.
She's your daughter.
Yeah.
You're getting hammered every night.
You're not going to notice.
Like, dad's drunk.
You won't even know if we're drunk.
She would, yeah.
It's funny because I go to, like, her college and other dads, you know, party.
And, like, she's, like, she doesn't.
She's always, like, kind of low-key about it.
And, like, the dads will, like, bite beer cans and kill them and shotgun beers.
What?
I know.
That's what dads do.
Really?
Yeah.
Which dads?
I don't mean any of these dads.
Well, you're in a different school zone.
That's what dads do.
And I'm always, like, you know, this is what I do.
For a living.
Like, I could fucking murder these guys.
She's like, ugh, dad.
I'm like, oh, you like him crushing a beer and shotgunning it.
Fucking, like a microdose.
What are we talking about?
Mmm.
What are you telling about, um, Jamie?
You were, I'm sorry, but right before we get started, you were te