Name: Pete Holmes - Bombing!
Uploaded: 2006-09-26T17:26:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pete Holmes - Bombing!' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2006-09-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pete Holmes - Bombing!' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2006-09-26. Transcript available.

*Dramatic music*
Let's hear it for Pete Holmes, everybody!
Come on!
*Dramatic music*
I'd like to start off by putting you guys at ease.
You know, I'm not gonna do any jokes that ruin the plots of movies that are
currently in the theater.
You know, I hate when comics do that.
Sweet Home Alabama, I'm not gonna spill those beans.
*Dramatic music*
But do you think the phrase "spill the beans" originated in a situation
actually involving beans?
Like some guy with a sack of beans walking down the street.
Hey, what's in that sack?
Nothing.
*Dramatic music*
Beans!
*Dramatic music*
Kids love different games.
I have different toys.
*Dramatic music*
I was thinking about the pinata.
I don't know how many of you people who have kids maybe get them a pinata for
their birthday.
I remember, I don't know who invented it, but whoever invented the pinata and
thought it would be a good thing to give children had to be a pretty big fan of
the tequila.
*Dramatic music*
Get really drunk, make up a children's activity.
*Dramatic music*
That's not something we should be teaching our children.
That's why I think it would be a good idea to get a pinata for some kids, but
really fill it with, uh, giblets.
*Dramatic music*
Yeah.
*Dramatic music*
But really fill it with, uh, giblets?
*Dramatic music*
Yeah.
But really fill it with, uh, giblets?
*Dramatic music*
Yeah.
But...
Yeah.
But...
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But just for that moment where, like, Susie Q Sunshine comes up in her birthday
dress and delivers the final blow, and you're like... *Dramatic music*
*Dramatic music*
She wants a Three Musketeers bar. It's like a gizzard. These lungs are flapping
down in slow motion. There'll be some crying and some confusion. But in the end,
a valuable lesson will have been learned.
*Dramatic music*
And isn't that more important? *Dramatic music*
*Dramatic music*
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You guys think I'm sick now. *Dramatic music*
*Dramatic music*
*Dramatic music*
We're not doing that with the giblets. We're making gravy. I don't know what
you do in Boston. In Peoria we don't do that. *Dramatic music*
*Dramatic music*
I don't know what you do in Boston. In Peoria we don't do that. *Dramatic music*
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I don't know what you do in Boston. In Peoria we don't do that. *Dramatic music*
I don't know what you do in Boston. In Peoria we don't do that. *Dramatic music*
I don't know what you do in Boston. In Peoria we don't do that. *Dramatic music*
I don't know what you do in Boston. In Peoria we don't do that. *Dramatic music*
I don't know what you do in Boston. In Peoria we don't do that. *Dramatic music*
I'm lost in impurea.
I have my favorite road sign of all time has to be that one I don't know if you've
seen it next to a mountain or a cliff says caution falling rocks yeah that's my
favorite because what do they want us to do they don't want you to slow down
they don't want you to speed up they want you to get ready a gigantic boulder
might crush your car don't say we didn't want it
I don't know if you've seen it next to a mountain or a cliff says caution
falling rocks yeah that's my favorite because what do they want us to do what
do they want us to do
a gigantic boulder might crush your car might crush your car might crush your
car don't say we didn't want you
when your day is long
in the night the night is yours alone