Name: Street Fighter Vega: Claw Application
Uploaded: 2009-04-07T15:37:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Street Fighter Vega: Claw Application' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2009-04-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Street Fighter Vega: Claw Application' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2009-04-07. Transcript available.

Okay, I see you filled in form B10201A. Request for additional apparatus or
equipment within
the Street Fighter II tournament. Herein also known as SF2 and SF2 Special
Champion. Okay.
Fighting card filled in. Your name is Mr. Vega? Vega. Mr. Vega. What is it
exactly you would
like to bring into the ring with you other than your other than your body? I
would like to find
with this enormous sharp metal claw. I'm sorry? This enormous claw. This one
that I'm that I'm
wearing right now. I want to fight with it. Okay, Mr. Vega. Vega. Vega. This is
a street fighting
tournament, martial arts, kung fu, brawling. Do you understand? Contestants are
allowed to bring in,
say, shin guards or hand wrap or sweatband. Are you honestly saying you want to
go out there
against contestants wearing a 18-inch three-bladed claw?
Yes. Well, pardon my language, but are you f***ing kidding me? Are you just
straight
up f***ing out of your f***ing mind, retard? I cannot have my claw? No. You can't
enter a street
fighting tournament against unarmed fighters and just start mauling them with a
f***ing razor sharp claw.
Is that what you thought you were going to do? But some of the fighters, they
throw fire from their hands.
Yes. Yeah, that's called a fireball. Do you know how hard it is to summon your
chi and produce one?
Just out of nothing? Do you have any idea how hard it is to learn that? A lot
harder than going to a store
and buying a f***ing claw. I'll tell you that right now.
What is it? Was that your thing? Hi. Hi, everybody. I'm Vega. I'm not good at
fighting,
so I'll just tape some knives to my hand. That'll sharpen my chances. Huh? That's
your thing.
Why not just buy a f***ing gun? Let's enter round one. Bang. Oh, perfect. You
win. Bang. Ultra combo. Go f*** yourself.
F***ing mongoloid. Bison. Bison said I could. I'm sorry, what? Bison? M. Bison
said that? Bison, yes.
Don't bulls*** me. No, it's true. He said. All right. Well, let's just check
out this little
colorful story you're telling me right now. Let's see. Let's see if that...
Hello, Mr. Bison. Hi.
Sorry, it's Steve down in administration. I'm with a Mr. Vega. He's telling me
that you said it was, uh,
okay for him to wear a claw. It is. Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I know. I can't
compare with your powers.
Yes, sir. Anyone who opposes you will be destroyed. Yep. Very, very handsome.
Okay.
Okay. Checked out. You can use the claw. Okay. We're done. You can go. No, that
is... That's not all.
What? That's not all. What else could there possibly be? I want to fight with
this mask on.
You f***ing suck. You know that?