Name: Cat Person: Bouncer
Uploaded: 2009-05-02T22:11:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cat Person: Bouncer' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2009-05-02. Transcript available. Cat Person tries to get into a dance club. By comedian Pete Holmes. www.peteholmes.com.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cat Person: Bouncer' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2009-05-02. Transcript available. Cat Person tries to get into a dance club. By comedian Pete Holmes. www.peteholmes.com.

That's your door, you don't know the name of me, say it since you've been there,
and now you've disappeared somewhere, I've got a space.
Listen, man, I don't know if it's going to happen for you tonight to get in
there, and I just got to be straight with you, I want you to know I appreciate
what you clearly cleaned up tonight, I appreciate that you put on that nice
shirt, it's a smooth shirt, your fur, you clearly brushed it, I want you to
know that I see that, I appreciate that, I appreciate the fact that you're a
huge ass cat, and you're just like, not letting that stop you, you're like,
okay.
I'm still going to go out Friday night, try and meet some people, socialize,
maybe do some dance, I've never seen a cat dance before, I don't know what that
looks like, maybe you prance, prance around all nimbly, sneak up on people
without them hearing you, shit, you know, maybe you stop prancing around the
beat, people are like, oh, form a circle, form a circle, this cat is dancing.
I would, one time I picked up my cat by the shoulders, and I picked him up off
the floor so his feet were dangling, and I moved him to and fro to the beat, so
it appeared as though he was dancing, but he wasn't really, wasn't really
dancing on his own free will, so, I don't, I don't think you want something,
you're too big, you're too big to have anyone do that anyway, so.
You know, I gotta let in ladies, I gotta let in dudes that are looking fierce,
I gotta let in VIPs, I don't, I don't have anything on the clipboard about what
I'm supposed to do when there's like a huge ass cat man in a college shirt.
Tonight's, you know, my cat pebbles, my cat walks around butt ass naked, and
before tonight, I never really had a problem with that, but I gotta, I gotta be
honest with you now, I'm considering buying him a tiny pair of pants, because
now the nudity factor is, is on the table.
It's right out there, so, I don't know, I don't know what you were thinking you
were gonna do anyway, you get in there, see some ladies buying some drinks, go
home, what, taking back to your place for some heavy petting?
Is that it? Some light to heavy petting? Yeah. Scratch behind your ear, you kinky,
you're a kinky son of a fucking, I'm with you dog, cat. You a, you a cat.
Alright. Fucking cat.
Seriously though, do you sleep with women?