Name: Cat Person: Cubicle
Uploaded: 2009-06-10T04:21:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cat Person: Cubicle' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2009-06-10. Transcript available. Cat person has his first day at work. By comedian Pete Holmes. www.peteholmes.com.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cat Person: Cubicle' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2009-06-10. Transcript available. Cat person has his first day at work. By comedian Pete Holmes. www.peteholmes.com.

Oh my god. Emily, oh my god. Oh, shut up. No, you have to shut your mouth. It
needs to shut.
Oh my god. No. No. Oh, I want to dance. Oh, hold on. Hold on. I have a call.
Hold on.
Home tech at all. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Did you, yeah. Did you try restarting it?
You did, you restarted. You did. You just did or you're about to? You did
already. Okay, did it. What's it say? No. Okay. Okay, sir. Sir.
Okay, sir. It sounds to me like you're having a software problem. Okay, and
this is hardware, so I'm going, sir, I'm going to have to transfer you. Please
hold.
I am back. Shut up. Oh my god. You need to shut it. Find it. Open it and then
shut it. Emily, oh my god.
It is shutting. Oh my god. You need to shut up. Oh my god. You shut. And he
danced. I will dance. I can't dance, but I'll dance.
You make me want to dance. I can't. I'm at work. I'm at work. I am at work and
I cannot dance right now, okay?
But if I was at home, I'd be dancing. Because of what? Because of this thing.
You need to shut. Oh, shut your mouth.
Shut your mouth, Emily. Emily. Emily. Emily. Emily. Shut. Shut your... You're
not listening.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh god, Emily. You need to shut up and you refuse. You
consistently refuse to shut up.
And I love... Oh my god. Emily. Oh god. Oh my god.
Thank you for calling Home Tech. This is Hank. How may I help you?
Hank. Henry. Regarding Henry. Harrison Ford.
I'm sorry. Who is this?
It's your roommate, bro. I'm just calling to see how your first day is going.
Just checking in. Just being a friend.
It's going... It's going well. Are you eating?
There's a little Centoast Crunch. You know, I was looking at the box and didn't
there...
It seems to me there were like three guys on the box at a time.
There's like a skinny one, a dark-haired one, and the old one.
And now it's just the old one who, you know, if I'm not mistaken, I'm pretty
sure...
I'm like 100% sure his name is Wendell. And, you know, that's part of why I'm
calling because I'm freaking...
I don't know why I know that.
Wendell.
I forget family members' names, and Wendell came right to me.
All right.
Wendell.
Okay.
Anyway, don't forget, I'm checking you out clubbing tonight to celebration, all
right?
Yeah, all right. I won't forget.
Oh!
Yeah, you kind of sound upset as...
Was this Centoast Crunch? Was this yours?
Was it yours?
Cinnamon.
Cinnamon.
Because I do now remember you unpacking a box of Centoast Crunch.
Cinnamon.
What?
It's Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
You know, I bet Wendell killed those other guys.
I have to go.
Oh.
All right. Okay, I'll let you go.
Where are you headed?
I have to eat, and then I have to get a physical.
It's company policy.
So you're going to go to, like, a regular doctor, or is that, like, a...
I have to go.
Okay.
Sir?
Sir?
May I speak, please?
I don't know why you were transferred back to me.
This is a software problem, and I am only hardware.
Sir, please hold.
Hello, Emily.
Hello.
Thank you.