Name: Huge Pacino (with John Hodgman)
Uploaded: 2010-08-10T00:25:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Huge Pacino (with John Hodgman)' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-08-10. Transcript available. Scenes from the canceled film "Masterminds".

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Huge Pacino (with John Hodgman)' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2010-08-10. Transcript available. Scenes from the canceled film "Masterminds".

Hey, I just want to say it's really great to be working with you.
Oh, I'm thrilled too.
Especially to be working with Al Pacino, right?
I mean, it's crazy.
Oh, did no one tell you?
What?
Yeah, Al couldn't make it.
Oh, what?
Gentlemen!
Oh.
What's going on?
Thank you.
Al can't make it.
Don't worry.
Huge!
I'll be there.
He's good.
Mastermind, scene 12, take one, and action!
You erased people's memories with tap water.
We just want to know why.
Well, have you considered that I've already told you, but erased your memory
with tap water, detective?
Ha!
That's nice.
It's a good one.
It's a good line.
Thank you.
Mark that take.
Okay, cut.
Thank you, detective.
I suppose you were supposed to be the good cop.
Something like that.
And would that make you the bad cop?
No.
Not right.
Wrong.
I'm not good or bad.
I'm like a mix.
You understand?
Mystery cop.
Like a third new kind of cop.
Mystery cop?
Yeah, you don't know with me.
Mystery cop?
You don't know.
Cut.
You want a back rub?
No.
Like a good cop.
Friendly.
That's okay, thank you.
Relaxing.
You don't want to hurt innocent people, do you?
This is the only move I do.
Bad cop.
Okay, cut.
Crime may pay for the interest, but that'll kill you.
Tired cop.
We got ways to make you talk, pal.
There's nothing you could do to me that hasn't been done a thousand times
before.
Really?
There's nothing you could do to me that hasn't been done a thousand times
before.
Really?
Hasn't been done a thousand times before.
That's refreshing.
You have everything you need to solve the crime.
You just haven't looked close enough.
I'm single.
Still looking for my huge Beverly D'Angelo.
Just tell us what we need to know.
There's nothing to tell you.
This is not a wig.
Go ahead, detective.
Hit me.
It won't cost you your badge.
You can have it, buddy.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Uh, real quick.
What?
Lunch is here.
Oh, okay, great.
Oh, where are you going, bud?
Did you say dressing on the side for your chick Caesar?
Yeah.
Yeah, you did.
Yet, it is just swimming and dressing.
It's like they were making a point.
Bad cop.
If we really get our tap water from reservoirs, shouldn't the level be dropping?
Okay.
As we go.
That's not the line.
Cut.
Just saying, if a moth wants to eat my sweater so bad, let it happen.
What?
Okay, cut.
Oh.
I'm in character.
That's not the line.
I have a backstory.
He has a thing for moths.
Huge.
Let's do this right, all right?
Just do the line.
Action.
How big of a bite would a moth take?
Let him have it.
Still not the line.
Do you know what?
Still makes sense.
I don't know what's going on here, okay?
But I'm a professional.
I can't work with this six-foot, obviously insane, John Ritter-looking person
pretending
to be Al Pacino.
It's ridiculous.
Okay, I'm not pretending to be Al Pacino.
Al Pacino is pretending to be me.
That's insane.
Ask him.
I'm all done.
I'm all done.
You'll hear from my agent.
I don't have an agent.
I don't look like John Ritter.
You look like a little boy that just blew a horn to mark the beginning of a
civil war reenactment.
How's your skin, son?
I like my AIDS to be presentable.
Senable woman.
You have a glass of wine with lunch?
You sound dusty.
Wait, what is that?
It's also senable woman.
Oh.
Lesser known.
Would you say Attica?
Attica!
Nailed it.
I love you.
Oh, good working with you, Tim.
Always.
Seriously, thanks for getting me to work.