Name: Anthony Jeselnik Roasts Pete
Uploaded: 2013-11-06T18:45:48.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthony Jeselnik Roasts Pete' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anthony Jeselnik Roasts Pete' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-06. Transcript available.

yeah congratulations thanks man although I got to say right when you walked out
just then I was
like this guy should be hosting the show I mean it would be a better show but I
don't think TBS
could afford me this is what he does see one of the problems I'm running into
with the show is
the audiences are so sweet and I appreciate that but sometimes they don't
understand that I like
to get I like to get my balls my balls broken I think it's cool that you think
that you only
have one problem on the show you're a nice man that's what I that's what I
think people it
might obviously I think if I've proven anything tonight but it's true Anthony
yeah I have a nice
in me I think you you have the persona which is fun right but on the inside you're
you're like a you
know jello you're like a sweet jello pudding but it's on the ground for a
kitten because
the kitten is like what does that taste like and most people are like shut up
kitten but
it your heart is like give it a try I mean clearly you've given us a lot of
thought but
you have an example of one time I've been nice to you when I did your show
there was a thank you card
with a one dollar bill in it that's true that's true that was nice can you
teach me how to do I try
and do an impression of you sometimes okay okay better first thing you got to
dress better you're dressed
like like you're you're the CEO of a pumpkin patch
yeah thanks for having me this is fun I'm glad you're here do you have let's
keep it to your fans let's
keep it off my general appearance okay do you have weird fans yes yes psycho
fans yes because I'm kind
of a sociopath myself so I think weird people are attracted towards me so I don't
like I don't meet
fans after shows because it's gotten pretty weird but what I will do at the end
of my set I'll have a
set list you know like I'm like some kind of rock star yeah I'm like if you can
trade me something
I want I'll give this to you and people think I just mean I want drugs but I'm
not some drug addict
who needs drugs I have drugs I just want to see what weird things people will
try to give me yeah and
I've gotten like what do you mean you're you're like the devil yes you're like
beat me at a fiddle
competition in the lobby yeah but you just have a set list and you're like I
don't know what you
have to offer look inside yeah yeah who can who wants is who's gonna step up
yes I've gotten someone
gave me a shark's tooth oh someone gave me an alligator claw where are you
performing the bayou
a lot most of these happen in Florida and then I was in South Carolina and I
got the best one the
best gift ever a girl came to the stage with a self-addressed stamped envelope
for me like a dress
to her all the postage laid out and inside was like a cylinder full of putty
that you use to make
a homemade dildo so she wanted me to open this up put it on follow the steps
take it off put it in an
envelope send it to her so she could have sex with me forever I need you to be
honest with me did you
do it I thought about at first I was like of course I'm going to do this
because it was just so
flattering what concerns me is the kind of crazy that wants a mold but also the
kind of foresight and
type a that brings the envelope yeah so what do you do next after this is over