Name: Why Do We Love Food Trucks? Monologue November 18, 2013
Uploaded: 2013-11-19T08:40:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why Do We Love Food Trucks? Monologue November 18, 2013' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why Do We Love Food Trucks? Monologue November 18, 2013' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-19. Transcript available.

Oh, yeah, that's... that's good... that's good audience.
Good job. You're really... oh, you turn it off right away, though, don't you?
Drain the pan. Show 'em zero! You went right to zero.
Every day we do this show, and the card says, "Thank you. Welcome to the Pete
Holmes."
I'm tired of this card. Give me this card. James, you read this card.
You can come up.
Hello, James. Do it to the camera.
Thank you. Go.
Thank you. Hello, everybody.
Very natural. Welcome to the Pete Holmes Show.
Yeah!
Thank you, James. You can keep it. You keep that.
My favorite thing about that whole thing was how ready he was.
Most people would be like, "Me?" He was like, "Yeah, I got this. Yeah."
I came up. You were gonna host the whole show if I was just like, "Take it,
James!"
So tonight I wanted to talk about food trucks.
Can we talk about food trucks for a little bit? Food trucks!
Yeah, see? People get all... people get all excited.
You love food trucks. I love food trucks. We all love food trucks.
But we shouldn't.
Listen. It's food on a truck.
That's the end of the description.
Why do we all lose our shit over food on a truck?
It's not that great. The whole concept just seems like something I would have
come up with as a toddler.
You know what I mean?
Like, "Hey, hey, little Petey, what do you want to eat?"
And I'm like, "Puschetti."
"Oh, how do you want that?"
"On a truck."
"Oh, so the truck can come to us?"
"No. So we have to go looking for it in Cahuillatown."
I get it. I get it.
They seem fun.
They seem like a good time.
They're like ice cream trucks, but for adults.
The problem is they don't serve ice cream.
It's like someone saw them and was like, "Oh, an ice cream truck.
You know what the fun part of that is?
The truck!
Let's bring that into other mediums.
Let's get rid of that pesky dessert everyone loves.
And instead we'll sell Persian tacos and a pita for $13.50."
I was like, "That sounds good."
I'm not done.
Then they're gonna have to wait outside on the sidewalk for 45 minutes in a
dangerous neighborhood
'cause I can't find the cilantro.
I'm just, James, I'm saying that's what it is, really.
You wait on line, you're breathing carbon monoxide, and for what?
A restaurant with no choices and nowhere to sit.
It's just, here's your meatball.
You're on your own.
At least with ice cream trucks, selling it out of a truck kind of makes sense
'cause in an ice cream truck all you need is a freezer.
But I don't really trust lobster rolls to a repurposed ambulance.
You know what I mean?
You couldn't keep my grandma alive, let alone mayonnaise.
Okay.
Okay.
That is...
That is terrible.
That is...
Do it twice.
If it works, do it twice.
But I've given it a lot of thought, and I think I've figured out why people
love food trucks.
It's because they're elusive.
They're like leprechauns that sell falafel.
You know what I mean?
There's a magical feeling when you finally spot one.
I get it.
It's like if you went to the mall and you went to the food court one day and
Panda Express just wasn't there.
If it just vanished and it's your favorite and you're like, "Whoa.
It's usually next to Sparrow.
It's always...
It's always been next to Sparrow.
Where's Panda Express?
Where's...
I really thought Panda Express would do better.
Where's Panda Express?"
Both times.
C minus.
My point is, even if you're not that crazy about Panda Express, if it wasn't
there and then one day you just saw Panda Express idling on 25th Street, you'd
be like, "There it is!"
Oh, my God!
It's so exciting.
Seeing a food truck, even if you only kind of like it, it's like seeing an ex-girlfriend
you haven't seen in years and she whispers that she's only in town for one
night.
It's a great idea.
But then after you hang out for a couple hours, you're like, "Oh, right.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
You give me diarrhea."
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.
I remember why we stopped doing this.