Name: Wash My Damn Towels #2
Uploaded: 2013-11-21T13:56:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Wash My Damn Towels #2' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Wash My Damn Towels #2' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-21. Transcript available.

so as some of you may know I am a stand-up comedian which means I tour
around the country from time to time which means I stay in my fair share of
hotels I don't know if you guys have stayed in a hotel recently and seen in
the bathroom they put up this sign that says we care about the environment a
towel on the floor means please replace a towel on the rack means I'll use it
again please be green reuse your towel I don't know about you but whenever I
see
something like this I always feel like they're trying to get away with
something like they're not being straight with me and I had the sassiest
reaction in my brain I read it I'm just like alone in my bathroom like oh hell
no excuse me you keep that big-ass water fountain with a giant waterfall
running
in the lobby every night of the year including Christmas Eve when no one's
even at the hotel and you want me to save water
how about this wash my damn towels
this is the bit
every time someone in your hotel just wants a side of fries from room service
you send it up with two cellophane
wrapped glasses of water an entire bowl of sliced lemons disposable salt and
pepper
and it's not just hotels this is the best phrase kind of for anything whenever
you're tired of getting shit from something
watch my damn tails is always there for you
and it's not just hotels this is the best phrase kind of for anything whenever
you're tired of getting shit from something wash my damn tails is always there
for you
and it's not just hotels this is the best phrase for you
and it's not just hotels this is the best phrase kind of for anything whenever
you're tired of getting shit from something wash my damn tails is always there
for you
hey airlines you want me to pay an extra fee to sit in the exit row but then
you want my assistance if the plane goes down so i'm paying to help you out how
many frequent flyer miles does it take to get you to wash my damn tails
uh hey amusement parks oh hey amusement parks
people with heart conditions can't ride the roller coaster so you act like you
care
but if they want to grab a snack all you have for them is heart healthy deep
fried snickers and funnel cake
you must be this tall to wash my damn tail
you must be this tall to wash my damn tail
flying in the face of people that think it's over
uh hey batman
uh hey batman
you won't kill the joker because you don't want to sink down to his level so
you just keep letting him murder innocent people while you drive the batmobile
down your bullshit high road
how about this
kill the damn joker and have alfred wash my damn tail
just like my dream last night
to wash my damn cowboys
just like my dream last night
to wash my damn cowboys
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson
we'll be right back with jen benson