Name: Cashier: Full Service
Uploaded: 2013-11-28T00:38:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cashier: Full Service' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cashier: Full Service' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-11-28. Transcript available.

Here's your receipt. Let me just bag these up and you'll be good to go.
Excellent.
Miller Lite punch top cans, good choice.
You ever use one of these before?
And the flow?
Watch how smooth it is.
Smooth, not smooth, smooth, not smooth, not smooth, not smooth, smooth.
Cool, right?
What are you doing?
I'm bagging your groceries.
You're pouring them out.
I'm not pouring them out, I'm pouring them in your bag.
So when you get home, it's quicker and easier.
What?
Yeah, it's a full service grocery store and I'm your full service grocer.
I just want to make your experience as pleasant as possible, sir.
Oh.
Yeah, like this fruit on the bottom yogurt, we pre-mix it for you.
Please don't.
Let's get that fruit on top.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Please don't.
There you go.
Mmm.
Fruit can't hide no more.
Awesome.
Okay, you know what?
I don't want the full service, so stop.
Don't worry about it.
It's my pleasure.
Look at these bananas.
Have you ever gotten home and had some bananas and you're like, "How?
How?
How?
How do I get in there?"
No.
Well, not today.
One.
Two.
Three.
You got a bag of loose bananas.
Peel?
Let Charles Chaplin slip on those.
I said I don't want the full service.
I'm saving you time and energy.
Like how many times have you been home and you're like, "I want some cereal."
But I don't have the will to open both a box and a bag.
Never.
I'm here to make sure that never happens again.
Come on.
No prize.
You picked a grown-up cereal.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Will you stop?
No more full service.
Don't worry.
It's free of charge.
Look, grapes.
Don't touch my grapes.
Delicious but hard to digest.
Let me pre-smoosh them for you.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Stop it.
Clean up on the aisle behind the aisles.
Clean up on the aisle behind...
We don't have a code for that.
I want to talk to a manager.
You know what's weird?
I am the manager.
Ugh.
Oh, God.
Will you stop?
And you know what?
I'm not the manager.
Well, the wind's the manager.
I want to...
Woo, pickles!
You know I want to become the manager.
And this is one of the ways I'm trying to become the manager.
By going the extra mile.
Ugh.
Can you help a lady?
You're a strong one.
Now let's get these chunks out of your delicious pickle juice.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I wanted those.
You want these?
I did.
That's weird.
You want the juice?
No.
But it's...
It's included.
All right.
Just give me a refund right now.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I can't take a refund on open merchandise.
Sorry.