Name: Ex-Men: Storm
Uploaded: 2013-12-06T08:50:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ex-Men: Storm' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ex-Men: Storm' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-12-06. Transcript available.

Storm. I don't know if you've heard, but I am scaling back the X-Men a little
bit. I mean,
don't tell the others, but your powers? Fantastic. Controlling the weather. It's
really something.
Thank you, Xavier. I will only use my gifts to aid those in need.
Well, yes. Always help those in need when you can. That is what I said.
Speaking of that, do you remember last Saturday? I decided to play golf, you
know, with my mind.
And I did tell you that I was going golfing, and once we got there, 45-minute
drive, it did start to rain,
and it ruined our day a bit. Okay. This Saturday, I'm also going golfing, and
the forecast says rain,
and I don't know if anybody, perhaps in the room, could help maneuver around
such a predicament.
Are you asking me to change the weather so you can recreate?
No, no. I'm just saying if I'm not golfing on Saturday, I will have a lot more
free time to see if you deserve to remain in the group.
I cannot believe that you are blackmailing me.
Yes. Maybe I'm blackmailing you a little bit. If you're not going to help me
golf, then what are you good for?
Fighting evil?
You know what's evil is a wasted Saturday at a country club with a six-month
waiting list.
Do you understand how many strings I have to pull to get a game?
If I lose to Scott again, I'm probably going to kill everyone, just everyone,
with my mind. And do you want that?
Fine. I'll make it clear on Saturday.
And Sunday.
And Sunday.
Sunday, I'm going to the park. And there's a very loyal family of small, small
ducklings that has become quite engaged with me.
Ducklings?
I think they're beginning to accept me as one of their own.
Also, it hasn't yet been cold enough at night to use my new hot tub.
Wow.
It also hasn't been quite hot enough during the day to use my slip and slide.
Also, I'm going to New England if we're not busy this week. I'd love to see the
leaves change.
I know it's summer, but could you drastically change the ecosystem that I might
watch them die?
I quit.
You can't quit. You're fired.
Fine. Enjoy your weekend. It looks like rain.
Hornado!
Bunch of bullsh...
Scott, yes, we can't golf this Saturday.
That is not a forfeit, really.
What about now?
Oh, perfect.
Perfect.
Telekinesis for the win.