Name: Pete Answers Your Holiday Questions
Uploaded: 2013-12-23T19:37:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pete Answers Your Holiday Questions' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-12-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pete Answers Your Holiday Questions' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-12-23. Transcript available.

happy holidays to everyone one and all it's it's me Pete Holmes as you can tell
it's the holidays
and that means it's time for me to answer some of your holiday questions in a
segment we call
ask Pete holiday questions Roger Ashe wants to know what is eggnog Roger great
question eggnog
is a holiday excuse to drink brandy a liquor known to get you drunk enough to
make love to somebody
that before you had the brandy you thought looked pretty gross in their holiday
sweater then before
you know it you're hanging the mistletoe on your belt buckle and going ho ho ho
if you know what
I mean then you're on the bed and you're sloshing and there's this weird egg
yolk sugar drink mushing
around in your bellies you can't see it but it's and that's how babies are born
Travis Baker says
if Santa be fake then how them cookies get eat well I put my answer into Google
Translate just so I
could speak to Travis in the way that he spoke to me well Travis that be great
question fake ass Santa
not really be visit every house on Christmas Eve but reindeers do be skimming
them clouds storming them
chimneys eating them cookies Paul craft has a fun question he says how do you
give proper credit to
gifts that are less than great I've never had a good poker face am I just dicked
no Paul you're not just
dicked it's the holidays here's a way to get around that if you think a gift
might be something you don't
like pick it up and before you open it pretend it is something you like just
scream oh my god a vintage
Sega Genesis oh my god a vintage Sega Genesis and run around and run around and
run around then when
you open it either one of two things will happen it is a vintage Sega Genesis
awesome or it's not and
everybody's too freaked out to talk to you Thomas Morrison wants to know who
would win in an arm wrestling
competition Santa Claus or Jesus who could win Jesus who would win Santa why
cuz Jesus cool like that and
finally Justin Wong says what's the point of that channel that only plays the
clip of the burning you log on loop and do you get as
excited as I do whenever that hand comes out to poke it well Justin I'll tell
you a
little something about show business and Hollywood because I'm in show business
and
live in Hollywood ratings baby and it's a tale as old as time that you can't
beat a
burning you log that's occasionally poked by a hand you can't it's like dancing
with
the stars America's sexiest person and pornography looped into one majestic
burning
log in fact if we had a Yule log on our show I'm sure our ratings would oh my
god