Name: Street Fighter Red Tape: Dhalsim
Uploaded: 2014-03-26T07:39:53.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Street Fighter Red Tape: Dhalsim' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Street Fighter Red Tape: Dhalsim' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-03-26. Transcript available.

Dalsim? Dalsim?
Look, we're having a little bit of a problem from a marketing standpoint.
It says here in your bio you are a yoga practitioner?
I'm a master practitioner of the spiritual art of yoga.
Okay, see that's what we're having a problem with, just selling you to the
people, is you're
a master practitioner of the spiritual art of yoga, and yet you want to enter a
street-fighting tournament.
Yes, I will meditate and then destroy my enemies.
Okay, you can see how that's a little bit confusing on our end of things.
We don't know how to sell you.
They will love me for my yoga flame.
Okay, see right there, that doesn't make any sense.
You're doing an incredibly violent thing, but saying yoga before it doesn't
make it part of your spiritual practice.
I do not see the disconnect.
Would it be okay if I bash you in the face with a two-by-four just as long as
before I do it?
I say, "Pilates!"
Listen, I use my yoga to fight for peace.
Peace?
Mm-hmm.
You're a big peace guy?
Big peace guy.
Are those peace skulls you're wearing?
Sorry, come again?
Around your neck.
Are those peace skulls?
The jewelry?
The human skull jewelry you have?
Oh, these guys!
Yeah!
Yeah, these are peace skulls.
Those are human skulls, and they're very, very small.
If those are baby skulls, I don't even want to know.
I couldn't begin to describe that to legal.
Okay, well, in yoga there's a lot of, like, different kinds of things that are
considered, like, okay to do.
Some people would say that you can't do yoga on a full stomach, and then some
people say that it's okay to wear baby skulls around your neck.
You see, this is completely unsellable.
We can't do anything with this.
What are you talking about?
I'm totally marketable.
People love yoga right now.
It's so hot.
There's yoga studios all over the place.
I'm a fighter.
People are fighting.
Yoga fighter.
I'm the guy right now.
You know what's confusing to me is you're wearing skulls and a bindi.
A what?
Do you know what a bindi is?
Yeah, I totally know what a bindi is.
You're a yogi from India.
I'd imagine you'd know what a bindi is.
I do know what it is.
Point here, bindi.
Oh, right now.
Yeah, give it a quick point.
No, that's your nipple.
That's your penis.
It's this.
Ah!
The physical representation of your third eye.
Yep, that's what it is.
Physical representation of the third eye.
Do you even know what yoga is?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Tell me.
Tell me what yoga is.
Well, it's the one where you stretch a lot.
Mm-hmm.
There's a mat.
Yep, there's a mat.
You'll get fro-yo afterwards.
Ah.
You sound like a middle-aged mom who took one class at the Y.
No.
I've been training for years.
Years?
Years.
Uh-huh.
How long?
Two years.
Two years.
Two years.
Yoga master.
It's hard to get up early in the morning, plus you know how it is with work.
And then my yoga teacher got a job in Connecticut, so then I couldn't, um...
Okay.
But I didn't like the new guy.
We're gonna have to rethink your entire image.
Uh, maybe the play is We Just Own It.
Your Dhalsim.
The weird, kind of spiritual, stretchy guy who punches and can probably suck
his own dick.
Take that to marketing.
See what they say.
If we pass, there's always killer instinct.
Okay.
Alright.
Yoga.
See, that makes no sense.
Yoga is one thing teleporting is a...
Yoga lame!
Yoga lame!
Yoga lame!