Name: Gabbin' Like "Awkward." Girls
Uploaded: 2014-04-15T06:41:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Gabbin' Like "Awkward." Girls' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-04-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Gabbin' Like "Awkward." Girls' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-04-15. Transcript available.

I am super dupes excited to hang out with three stars of the hit MTV show
Awkward. Is that how you're supposed to say it? Awkward. There's a period at
the end.
What if we made this interview really awkward as a cross promotion for your
show?
Yeah, that's a very original thing. Oh, you guys are dead. You were in my dream
the
other night, now that we're talking about you. And it's such an old idea to
make it
awkward, and then we have to make it awkward. We're wearing jams. You have this
dog that I'm gonna call Eagle food.
Prince is eagle food.
Done. Crap.
Oh, no. No.
I'm flattered to be in your dreams. Yeah. It's because you're--
I'm flattered to be on your show. Is it everything you wanted it to be?
Um, she didn't picture us with her on the show. I'm so happy to have
them here, though. That's my guess. That sounds like a lie.
This cup is super dirty.
Look, we've got eagle food shitting all over everything.
Eagle. If your dog does get eaten by an eagle, I'll feel real bad.
Well, she doesn't really go outside unless she's in her stroller, so...
It's probably best, because even a pigeon could pick that thing up.
I'm in mensa. It's your time?
You're telling me you have your--
Yes.
You have your mensa?
You guys all sync up your mensa cycles? You work a lot.
I'm not any part of this.
But mensa means you have a really high IQ.
Yes. And how's that feel?
High-Q, we call it.
How old are you guys?
52.
Don't ask questions. You don't want the answer to.
Oh, are you at the age where you don't like talking about what age you are,
because you look about--
I've had tons of Botox.
Really?
No, but the Internet thinks I have.
Is that true?
Yeah, it's super insulting. They're like, "Your lips are fake." I'm like, "No,
you just put on lip gloss."
I'm wearing lip gloss, and they don't look as great as they come.
You've got your lips.
Jillian, do you have any compliments for me?
Yeah, your hair is really on point today.
I saw you do it yourself in the room, and it was just like, "Whoa, he does his
own hair."
You know, people throw the term "fast friends" around a lot, but I really feel
a connection with you now.
Me too.
Your hair looks gorgeous.
Thank you.
Is acting hard?
No, it's super insulting.
It's super insulting.
They're like, "Your lips are fake." I'm like, "No, you just put on lip gloss."
I'm wearing lip gloss, and they don't look as great as great.
I don't know.
No.
Easy peas?
Mm-hmm.
Learn the lines, just say 'em?
You don't even have to know 'em.
Let me see your voiceover faces.
Yes.
Here, I'll give you the voiceover.
I'm doing you?
Yeah, so we're gonna do the voiceover.
Okay.
I didn't know who to choose, Maddie or Jake.
It was so difficult.
And what the hell was up with Sadie?
She's such a bitch.
Oh, my God, you're so good.
You're so good.
You're awesome.
That's exactly what I do.
Really?
Yeah.
The show is pretty sexual.
Mm-hmm.
There's some sex.
But we're not allowed to hump.
Like, on camera, we can't show the humping.
What?
What?
Like, thrusting.
No hip movement.
Feel it in your face during that night.
You went...
She said humping on TV.
I don't know what to do.
I don't see what I'm gonna say.
How old are you guys?
I'm sure I don't have a vagina.
Stop.
I can't figure it out.
So, our show doesn't have a theme song.
Do you wanna sing a theme song?
Yeah.
Are you gonna harmonize?
We can all sing it.
How could I not?
Okay, ready?
One, two, three, four.
Hey, everybody, it's the Pete Holmes Show.
Come hang out at the Pete Holmes Show.
Once you're here, we'll do.
It's the Pete Holmes Show.
Some of the notes only the dog could hear.
Thank you.