Name: Guilty Pleasures Monologue, June 2, 2014
Uploaded: 2014-06-03T18:20:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Guilty Pleasures Monologue, June 2, 2014' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Guilty Pleasures Monologue, June 2, 2014' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-03. Transcript available.

you know what i think is something we could all do without uh guilty pleasures
that's what i'm
saying i'm not saying you should stop malden not that you should nothing you
should stop watching
like reality tv if you like reality tv i'm saying you should stop feeling
guilty for enjoying reality
tv why is it a guilty pleasure if something gives you pleasure it's pleasure
why are we all apologizing
like i like smash mouth sorry i say if you love smash mouth love smash mouth
blast it from your
convertible with the roof down then drive to rehearsal because if you love
smash mouth you're
probably the lead singer of smash so let's stop having guilty pleasures but
listen i understand
sometimes i'm embarrassed by mine by my guilty pleasures like recently i was
watching one of
those uh vh1 kind of fluffy countdown shows you know like uh i love all the
decades or top 190s of the
80s hosted by carmen electra you know what i mean it's fun it's just a bunch of
comedians with colorful
backdrops telling me why 1984 was incredible just like he man was dumb man you
know what i mean it's a
fun time it almost hypnotizes you what's not to love but then my friend who was
hanging out with me he
walked into the room and i reacted like he caught me jerking it i was like
someone's in here
i jerk off like gollum not on the card i when i say that i should have been
proud i like vh1 countdown
shows and jerkinets sometimes at the same time it's hosted by carmen electra
that's what they want
guilty pleasures are just pleasures don't bring guilt into this guilt save
guilt for other times
like explaining to an ikea salesperson you didn't know that was a non-functioning
toilet
they should they should they should lock the door you can't sell meatballs on
one floor
and not see this coming we do it with food too though people apologize about
food that they like
like oh girls i am so evil ah ah someone slapped me in the nose i am getting
the deep fried avocado egg rolls
oh i hope they come with a side of handcuffs because i am guilty
shut it stuff it i'm not gonna judge you for liking avocado egg rolls i'm gonna
judge you for not liking
avocado egg rolls in fact if you took a bite of one and we're like yeah no i
would lunge at you
and that's what i'm saying stand behind things you like crank that chumba wumba
watch four seasons of the real housewives of beverly hills on a lonely sunday
eat the baconator maybe on the same lonely sunday and i say do it all guilt-free
if somebody scoffs you
like oh peter that is trash for your eyes ears and your mouth take a pause
swallow the bacon
pause the bickering housewives like their husbands wish they could
turn up the chumba wumba and tell them i get knocked down but i get up again
you're never gonna keep me down