Name: Street Fighter Red Tape: M. Bison
Uploaded: 2014-06-04T07:41:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Street Fighter Red Tape: M. Bison' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Street Fighter Red Tape: M. Bison' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2014-06-04. Transcript available.

Mr. Bison, sir, thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me.
Yes, Dale. How's the tournament looking this year?
I've been crunching the numbers, and I'm, you know, it's okay,
but I'm a little bit concerned with our travel budget.
You see, your idea was to have all the fighters fight in their country of
origin.
Yes, the primary fighter will host the Challenger in his native land.
Uh-huh, yeah, it's a fun idea.
Just frankly, sir, it's not making much sense just from my end of the table
to, say, fly Ryu from Japan all the way to California to fight Ken,
just the very next day to fly all the way back to China to fight Chun-Li.
We're buying like eight plane tickets for each fighter.
Business class.
I am aware that you said business class.
Hear me out.
What if, and it's a big what if,
we had the entire tournament in one central location
that the fighters all take one flight to,
like, say, Atlanta.
Atlanta?
Atlanta.
We need a diverse range of fighting locations.
I thought about that.
Don't knock Atlanta.
You could have a peach tree grove.
You could have a back alley.
They have a beautiful Hooters.
Never!
Sir, please, listen to reason.
We must fight in Soviet factories, aircraft carriers, temples full of elephants.
See, see right there?
That, I'm glad you brought that up.
Temples full of elephants that casually spectate the match and then celebrate
at the end.
I mean, that's three months of food, lodging, a very pricey trainer.
We need the elephants.
Okay.
No Atlanta.
Keep the elephants.
I understand.
Next time PETA calls, I'll just tell them you have a scary flame hand,
and I'm sure they'll back off.
Even though it makes absolutely no f***ing sense.
What?
One other thing, sir, that I'd like to respectfully challenge is it says every
third match,
you'd like the contestants to destroy a car.
It's a test of strength.
Yeah, it is cool.
Does it have to be, for budgetary reasons, a fully loaded Mercedes S-Class?
Yes.
We must have all the additional options.
GPS navigation, walnut-trimmed steering wheel, DVD players for the kids.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
If you want to destroy a car, why not destroy a used Volvo?
The car event stays.
Thank you for hearing me.
Sir, respectfully, why are you even throwing this tournament?
To take over the world!
Yeah, because that makes sense.
For one-third the cost of this enormous tournament,
you could buy a James Bond-style death ray pointed at Washington, D.C.,
and in an afternoon, the world would be yours.
The fighters, they do all the flips, and they shoot the fireballs.
It's so cool.
Excuse me?
It's so cool.
Have you ever seen it when two fireballs hit each other?
I have, yes.
I have.
I do again!
I do again!
Sir, I have an Excel spreadsheet.
And sometimes there's a red fireball.
It's the coolest.
I didn't think you'd get the spreadsheet.
And sometimes there's a double KO, which is awesome, and then everyone claps,
and then I take over the world.
Em, if you don't have this tournament in a central location, I propose Atlanta,
in six weeks you will be broke.
Come on.
Our profits do not justify our losses.
I see.
Fine.
We'll have it in Atlanta.
Come on.
Atlanta's not that bad.
Chin up.
I mean, they have a lot of street fighting there.
People probably won't even notice it's going on.
Am I really that broke?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Your divorce, f*** you.