Name: Patton Oswalt And Pete Share Weird Old Jokes
Uploaded: 2017-05-02T19:17:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patton Oswalt And Pete Share Weird Old Jokes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patton Oswalt And Pete Share Weird Old Jokes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2017-05-02. Transcript available.

Can you, one of my first jokes, it's actually just one of my first joke
notebooks I had written down, I was looking through it recently, unicorn on the
cob.
Patton, you're one of the greats, I don't want to put you on the spot, but just
text me if you can think of the setup.
I don't think there is one.
Or, what if that's the setup?
What if you just walk out cold and go, unicorn on the cob.
Sometimes you write things down to get them out of your head forever.
I wanted to look at it on paper so that it wouldn't scare me anymore and go,
okay, I have that thought, it's all right for me to have that thought, now I
get to go on with my life.
That's a perfect, do you remember any of your terrible openers?
I mean, I have found, okay, well, let me tell you a quick story about one of
those and then I'll tell you one of mine.
Because my roommate when I lived in Baltimore was a comedian named Mark Voice
and this is the perfect how you, what it's like when you find a comedian's
scrap of paper.
I came into the apartment one night really late and we lived over this old
couple in this house and I saw a piece of, it was like a receipt that he'd left
next to his ashtray and he wrote on it in big letters.
It was like a bit but he just wrote, sorry, this is exactly how a comedian's
mind, he just wrote, what are old people cooking that stink so much?
And that was his, that was the beginning and literally the writing looked angry,
like clearly they had cooked something and it stank the place all day and he
said they're like, what the hell?
Like a manifesto font.
Yeah, but he was trying to turn it into a bit and, but that was the bit is just
asking that question.
Of course.
There's no way to go.
Yeah, I wrote down a premise of, it was, okay, it was porn titles.
You know how like they'll take standard movies but they'll make it into a porn
title, you know, like, you know, Batman and Throbin or whatever.
I mean, I don't, I don't know, I just, but, but take like a basic porn title.
Rumpel Foreskin is all I was talking about.
Yeah, Rumpel Foreskin is a great, yeah.
But take, take another, in other words, it was a porn title that was not based
on the movie so it was just like, you know, you know, big, just big throbbing
cocks or something.
And how would you make that sound like a normal movie title?
In other words, how do you do the opposite?
Is that, that's as, that's as funny as it is.
But, and, and all I remember, but the way to, that I wrote that down to, to
work on the bit, I just wrote porn without dicks.
Like, that was how, and then years later I found it, I was like, what does that,
and, and it, and just recently I realized what I was trying to work on and it
just.
That is so funny.
Really?
Like how to make them sound G-rated?
Yeah, yeah, big, hard cocks and you're like, hanging with Mr. Knox or something.
That is a brilliant idea.
It's so good that there's no way to appreciate it.
Yeah, it's, it, and the explaining it was as funny as it's going to get.
That's right.
Is the, uh.
But that's your genius with unicorn on the cob.
Sometimes the bit is just saying, this happened, this spilled out of my brain.
You've been on stage where you've almost apologized to the audience and went, I
have this thing that I want to do and I have a feeling that just explaining it
is the bit.
And that's as far as this is going to go.
It's not going to go anywhere else.
It's not going to work.
Yeah.
But that's something I love about your work and I think that's really what
makes.
Is that it doesn't work?
Wait a minute, that, that was phrased really weird.
I love that you just don't care about how it's received.
I was yes anding the bit.