Name: You Made It Weird | French Stewart
Uploaded: 2022-06-22T07:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'You Made It Weird | French Stewart' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'You Made It Weird | French Stewart' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-22. Transcript available.

You Made It Weird | French Stewart

You made it weird, you made it weird, you made it weird, oh yeah. You made it
weird, you made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, oh yeah. You made it
weird, with Pete Holmes. Yes you did, you made it weird, oh yeah.
What's happening weirdos, this is the incredible French Stuart from 30 Rock
from the Sun, that's what I called it the entire episode, from 3rd Rock from
the Sun, but also countless other things. He's always incredible. We actually
met doing an episode of How We Roll, he was such a delight to work with. Of
course I was already a fan and I was aware of his incredible work. So unprepared
for how great he would be on this podcast though, he came in and he absolutely
destroyed.
You're about to see. It's silly, it's light, it's fun, it's interesting, it's
thoughtful, and he has a great God answer at the end, which I really, really
enjoyed. So it was just a delight. It was one of those, did we just become best
friends sort of episodes, so I can't wait to get to it. Only a couple things to
plug up top. July 12th is my next stand-up show. That's the only date I have
right now. If you're going to be in the Los Angeles area, go to largo-la.com
for tickets. Always, always, always an incredible time.
I'm a little tired, so I can't remember who did the last one, but it was, I don't
know, we've had Dimitri Martin, Judd Apatow, Sarah Silverman, Zach Galifianakis.
It's always incredible. Any show at Largo is great, but if you want to see me
do usually about 45 minutes of stand-up, and then have some guests as well, go
to largo-la.com.
And whenever you see this episode or watch or listen to this episode, I do it
monthly, and it's always great to have weirdos in the audience. So please,
please, please come check it out.
And if you like the show, why not support it and try a Pete's Pick. Like, I'm
wearing it right now. Look, it's a video so I can show you how stretchy, how
stretchy, how stretchy my friggin' jeans are.
These aren't just regular jeans. These are the, look at that. Look at that. Can
you see that? These are the perfect jeans for the perfectly imperfect man.
As you know, if you listen to my stand-up, I hate hard pants. I don't
understand how it's 2022, and we haven't figured out how to look good, but also
wear comfortable pants that don't scrunch up where they're not supposed to scrunch
up.
Turns out, we have figured it out. We have the perfect jean. They have a great
look. They're my best-looking jeans, but they are the best-fitting and best-feeling
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every single day. They're so comfortable. They're almost like pajama pants.
You could sleep in them because they are 2% spandex. It's like a stretchy
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These are 2% spandex and 2.5% rayon for extra comfort and movement that your
man parts require.
These are the most comfortable pants I've ever owned in my life.
These jeans stretch so your nuts ain't crushed, thereby providing the only true
home for your bone.
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They're super soft. You may even forget your wearing pants.
They're maximum, maximum durability.
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And best of all, they're not khakis. Fuck your khakis. Spare your nuts.
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This episode is also brought to us by, literally, the thing that I recommend
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I just got a text today from my friend Jimmy. He's a photographer and a
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I seriously, Val loves it.
I love it.
It's a huge game changer in my life.
And it would be a great way to support the show.
And we always, always, always appreciate that.
And, of course, support yourself at the same time.
All right, everybody.
Let's enjoy French Stewart together.
What a great episode.
So glad you're here.
Hope to see you July 12th at Largo.
In the meantime, I'll get into it.
Sorry, there's a step there.
And welcome to the sauna.
That's the sauna, Frenchie.
First of all, let's get these great greetings on the air because I said, get in
here, you living legend.
And you said, you lanky Yeti.
Which I feel like is the right way to start.
I think it's the best way to start because I'm just going to offer it to you.
Get your shoes on the couch, curl up on however you're comfortable.
Oh.
Yeah.
Also, it's just a warning that the couch is filthy, but it's like a sleepover.
I've seen worse.
I mean, I've seen way worse.
Come on.
I've been to Leno's house.
You immediately throw Jay Leno under the bus?
Yeah, I don't know.
How would you do that?
He had you to his home.
No.
Have you been to Jay Leno's house?
What a weird first question.
Dang it.
No.
And now my feelings are hurt because Jay Leno hasn't invited me to his house.
Man, I've never even met Jay Leno.
I've been in showbiz for a long time.
Somehow I've been on a parallel path to Jay Leno.
I don't know what he is.
Yeah, you're vertical with Jay Leno.
We're vertical, yeah.
Yeah.
We're in the same ocean.
He's just swimming over here.
Yeah, you're just propelling yourselves, you know, down the line.
That's right.
Yeah.
Tell me.
I did a show once.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno?
Yeah.
Yes.
Not fun?
I don't like it.
You didn't like it?
I didn't.
Tell me why.
Well, it was just like...
It's okay, by the way.
We're going to let you off the hook, Mr. Leno, because if you do three million
of something,
every once in a while it's not going to be great.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Like, this is life.
This is life.
That's the feeling of life.
You can't always be great, so it is okay.
Tell me why you hated it.
It's the truth of life.
It's the truth of life.
French, we want to win, win, win, win, win, win, win.
But unfortunately, it's this.
Sometimes it goes squirrely.
And if it's not going squirrely, it's probably about to go squirrely.
It's inches from squirrely.
Inches from squirrely is now the name of this episode.
Or if you live in Europe, it's centimeters from squirrely.
You see what I'm saying?
I have never needed something more.
I didn't realize until you said that.
I did, actually, when you walked in.
Yeah.
You got it.
I didn't need this.
I need a hang.
Yeah, you get it.
I get it, but I need a hang, and I'm glad we're hanging.
A buddy hang.
A buddy hang.
Right.
Not to bring gender into it, but a bro hang feels kind of nice.
But we're hanging with her, too.
Katie's always here.
I feel like Katie and I bro hang.
I don't think bro indicates ding-dongs and dusties.
Yes, bro.
Katie can bro out.
I like a lot of bro things.
Let's not get to that.
Tell me.
I don't think I'm a bro, but I like a lot of bro things.
We're going to put a pin in that.
We'll put a pin in the bro thing.
Ouch.
Oh, that would hurt.
Oh, that would hurt.
I should pay you thousands of dollars.
Like, that was such a great read on, oh, that got hurt.
Like, that was like, that should be someone's ringtone.
Yeah, because I thought about my penis.
And you thought about your ding-dong?
Yeah.
Added value.
I'm going to sell it as an NFT.
No one can funge that token.
Oh.
You're going to say.
They're going to funge my shit.
Oh.
They can't funge it.
They can't?
They can't funge it.
Tell me why.
Unfungible?
You're unfungible.
Okay.
I've always said that about you.
And Ron is unfungible.
Tell me, Ron Funches, I didn't know if he'd get it.
Send this clip to Ron Funches.
Ron Funches is a wonderful comedian that you would love.
Tell me why you didn't like Jay Leno, just because it's so fun.
Well, because he was, like, he would, like, what he would do is he would do, he
would just
pre-read.
He's not like you.
We just go in and we start talking.
You know, I knew you were going to say this, not just about Leno, but a bad
late-night
appearance with any of them is when you feel like, oh, they didn't find the
magic today.
They didn't find the gratitude or the novelty, and they're just stuck in a talk
show nightmare.
Maybe nightmare.
They're stuck in a talk show nightmare.
They're stuck in a talk show nightmare.
It's a talk show nightmare.
And it was, like, it was one of those things where he, like, ah.
Yeah, he pre-interviews me within an inch of my damn life.
And then.
Before the camera was on.
Yeah, before the camera's on.
And then what I do is I go in and he knows what story I'm going to tell.
And then he beats me to the punchline.
I have to write myself a check for $1,000.
And so then he's, like, and what else do you want to say?
Yeah.
Yeah, for this moment is.
And what else he got?
Is that what he said?
Yeah.
Okay, so what story did he tell?
Do you remember?
I can't even remember.
But he knew the punchline.
He knew the punchline.
He told it before me.
And he got in a 1981 Porsche Carrera.
Right.
And zoomed to front.
Yes, he got in a 1956 Ferrari.
There we go.
Better.
I went to, I'm like, what's a good car?
81 Carrera.
He got into a 1966 Pontiac Tempest.
Right?
I don't know what he did.
And he zoomed around.
And he zoomed around.
And took, did he take your 