Name: Near Death Experience w/ Andrew Santino | You Made It Weird
Uploaded: 2022-10-04T19:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Near Death Experience w/ Andrew Santino | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Near Death Experience w/ Andrew Santino | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-04. Transcript available.

have you ever did i see this last time you did it have you ever almost died
many many many many many many times pick one uh i was riding the back of a
truck at the bed of a
pickup truck when i was in college oh yeah i am the truck you're riding in the
back of a pickup
truck in the bed of a pickup truck just flying down why do they call it a bed
anyone's sleeping
back there and a cab a cab is a cab why is the cab of a truck a cab there's a
cab in the front
a bed in the back what come on seinfeld find it he has a stroke
what is this a yellow cab taking you to your new apartment where you're moving
in the mattress
there it is he just melts like he drank from the wrong uh last crusade why does
it start at 150
ford f 150 250 you made 149 of these before you came up with this one
i mean can you imagine i felt getting mad at us for doing these bits on him it's
so mad
why are you doing it oh yeah i paved the way for you you pave away you take
away and what are you
using to pave anyway asphalt concrete what's more stable don't be an asphalt he's
becoming a civil
engineer as we continue on seinfeld and other jobs we need to move units are
you diversifying any of
your portfolio it all there's a lot of organic synergy happening what does that
even mean
i was in the bed of a pickup truck coming back from mexico into south padre
island texas on spring
break with some friends i was intoxicated i'm not proud of this moment the
gentleman driving the truck
was intoxicated i'm not proud of that moment and we caught hitched a free ride
from a man we don't know
but i know he had been drinking i probably definitely knew and the truck was
bouncing around
over this bridge rickety bridge going from mexico to south padre island and i
sobered up
because i mean for a hot second because we swerved a little bit because a truck
had been pulled over
on the side of the road and we almost clipped it and i realized this hits i fly
out of this thing
and either ping pong my head against some of the bridge iron before falling in
before falling into the
ocean or i fly out of the back of this thing onto this narrow two-lane bridge
and get immediately run
over by a cascade of cars yeah and it me up i held so tightly onto the sides
just like wishing to the
universe that we would make it okay and it was one of those things where yeah
but the whole time
i kept thinking this is it i am going to die like this like it was us just clip
missing clipping that
car and swerving yeah was the i i it was a wake-up call for i could i was like
i should never get in
these a car with someone who's been drinking again i didn't know but we did
know do you know what i mean
oh yeah it was so obvious my observation you know dad jokes right there the
neck
whenever the neck goes back they're drunk somebody josh rubin told me it's when
their eyes go before
their head so say something to me have you been drinking tonight sir oh my god
they follow
josh because because the eyes are still working at full speed yeah the eyes
aren't drunk but the body
is the body's drunk the eyes are like oh god he's drunk no we have to take care
of all this over look
that way good boy good boy all right now close your eyes for a second oh my god
how much of life is you
just want to be babied and getting drunk you need to be baby you need help you
need someone to be like
do you need a burrito buddy like we love it yeah and then in the morning you're
hung over and someone's
like do you need another burrito yeah i want to
oh yeah