Name: Childhood Beauty Pageant w/ Melissa Rauch | You Made It Weird
Uploaded: 2022-11-15T17:00:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Childhood Beauty Pageant w/ Melissa Rauch | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Childhood Beauty Pageant w/ Melissa Rauch | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-11-15. Transcript available.

there was a um beauty pageant that came to town was not a child who should be
entered in a beauty
pageant it was a cinderella scholarship pageant i believe and they i got the
brochure and i was like
the i saw in their talent competition it's very similar you entered because you
wanted to do the
town where i think forgive me if i'm wrong but i feel like a lot of the times
it's like
i'm beautiful oh god damn it we gotta do the talent yes yes that's very much
like yeah i was
surrounded by child beauties well beauties come on and i was wearing the dress
that i wore for my
uncle's wedding i'm dead and like no teeth my mom said if i saved up my money
like she would meet me
halfway and if i paid for half she would pay for half so we did it how much was
it do you um i don't
remember but enough that you were enough that i was because i i think she knew
i would embarrass myself
so she was like i'm gonna she was trying to stop you trying to stop me if you
can get 250 you're like
let's do it let's do it all set let's go let's go let's go oh it was terrible
but she was my parents
are wildly supportive like if i had told them i wasn't going into this business
i think they would
have been like my dad as reserved as he is was like there's no job security
anything he's a cpa like
very by the book um but had a lot of job losses over the year from company
downsizing so he was very much
like follow your dreams there's no job security anything which is amazing that's
beautiful by the
way really great one of my favorite lines of office space where they go they're
you know they're working
at in the tech and they don't like it and they go he's trying to say we need to
get out of here and
he goes can you imagine if we're doing this in 20 years and then one of the
guys goes like it would
be awesome to have that kind of job security and you realize that there it's a
it's a myth it's like
doing something that sucks doesn't guarantee you're gonna get to do it that is
so true i forgot about that
moment so your dad knew that my dad knew that so he was very very as much as
was my mom um so i did
this i did the talent competition which was me doing impressions and that was
like i'm hooked i'm
a comedian i am and you did all of it i did yeah i did i mean was there like
walk catwalking oh yeah
and i didn't know like you see me on the video like just walking around a
circle and like someone
be like on this side of the stage on this side of the stage oh my god like how
old six or seven
six or seven rouch pouch yeah i'll see i'll see if i can find it yeah oh my god
yes please
um but they're trying to shepherd you over here you're like this is done not it's
not yet not yet
and they and it was like a weekend like a full weekend like each day was
another so like i like
waded through the like dress wear and then there was a sportswear and my mom
was like i remember
sitting here in the office just like so god bless her mortified that i was
going to and but she was
also for when it came time to talent day she was like and they didn't really
know what i was going
to do your parents yeah my parents really i kept on saying i was going to do
impressions and stand up but
i hadn't really showed it to them at six yeah and then you're like getting a 10-year
jump on dave
chappelle like i'm six let me do it um and they and that was it like i remember
like i still remember
the judges and their faces when they were laughing because i was so because i
had only done it for my
family it worked and i won the talent competition of course you did what was
what was number two a woman
shooting an arrow into a bag of flour oh really they were all like pageant kids
like really great
okay so you smoked some some real competition it was because i was i was and i'm
saying this in
not a way to brag it was so weird what i was doing was so weird i thought you're
gonna say unbearably
cute it was cute stood out though it was weird like i remember the judges
looking at each other look
that you get as a kid when you're old enough to know that people are they're
not they're like
confused by you yep and i remember seeing that look like the judges looking at
each other and laughing
but being like what is this what is this and so it really was like a winning
out of this is the
weirdest thing we've ever seen in suburban new jersey and it had to have been
good too i mean what
impressions did you do started with mr furley and everything was like your
classic you opened with
the big head with furley yeah my original that was like my my original joke so
it was very much like
um my next impersonation is going to be mr furley from three's company and then
i take a minute
um next impersonation is going to be um and they it was a lot of just i
remember the other moms like
the faces on the other moms just like kind of giggling and i remember that also
like they're not
laughing with me oh like i remember clocking that but then looking at the
judges who were actually
laughing with me and my parents beaming like that my dad just you got doubled
over with pure pride
you got all three you got the laughing in the wrong way which still hurts my
feelings it's not okay
i'm like does it really occasionally i wouldn't i'm not sure about that okay i'm
gonna check myself
i think i already wrecked myself but i'm gonna check myself post wrecking okay
which a lot of people
don't know you can do you can do it you can check yourself at any point you can
it's nice to do it
before you wreck yourself but even if you wreck yourself just go ahead and
check yourself hey why
did i just wreck myself you know what i actually think it's better to do a post
check after a wreck
yes right it's the best time to check after a wreck pre-wreck that's how you're
gonna grow it's
like i tell my kids you don't learn without wrecking no so until you're 40 go
ahead and check yourself
after you wreck yourself i agree i agree otherwise you're not gonna you're not
gonna learn nothing
oh yeah