Name: Ken Marino takes a seat... | You Made It Weird
Uploaded: 2023-01-25T00:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ken Marino takes a seat... | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ken Marino takes a seat... | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-25. Transcript available.

say it on the mic
you're a sponsor well yeah they gave us all this water look at those cases of
water
everybody has it now i want to feel special and i see it on so many podcasts
these days
oh yeah thank you yeah they're different kinds you want a different kind no
there's no different
kinds of water sparkling flowered flowered yeah arguably coca-cola is a
different kind
of water so there's lots you are i'm looking at your butt i don't mind i look
at butts and
i was it's also bright yellow it looks like someone highlighted your butt it's
after labor
day but i figured it's gonna be so hot today it's still i'm still able to lose
it i'm booming
you i'm booming you my wallet and everything over here testicles spectacles
testicles spectacles
do you not know testicles testicles no spec i'm aware of testicles yeah am i is
there something
specific i need to know about it spectacles testicles wallet watch it's how you
cross yourself do you
know this you start with testicles when you cross yourself
it's all about the testicles you know my you are taking so long to sit down and
if i was
i'm so glad we have started because
this is one that was one of my favorite opening moments of all time
this is the kind of thing that when you're s if you're stoned this it's almost
like asmr
can i tell you something about this about this
is the kind of thing that when you're s if you're stoned this it's almost like
asmr can i tell you
something about this about this type of thing i could tell you the story uh on
your show
i have one i have one when you show starts let me know and then we'll but i'll
tell you the uh i based uh another joke off this which is good although this
was not originally a joke i think it's just my hesitation
It's almost like ASMR.
Can I tell you something about this type of thing?
I can tell you the story on your show.
What do I get?
I have them.
When your show starts, let me know.
But I'll tell you, I based another joke off this, which is good.
Although this was not originally a joke.
I think it was just my hesitation to do this because I'm frightened.
And because of your reaction to my outfit or non-reaction.
I just accepted it.
Yes, I know.
But I've watched your show.
I've watched this podcast.
And I've realized that you're, you know, I mean, you lay into people.
Oh, this is your.
I lay into people?
Look at that.
You know, you give people.
That's the real sponsor of the show.
You give people, you know, some caca.
I don't give caca.
Yeah, you give caca.
But that's good.
You're like loving caca.
You watch, what episode did you watch that I gave caca?
I watched every single one of them.
That would have taken you four years.
Yeah, yeah.
This last week felt like four years because I watched every single episode.
Where would you like me to put this?
Because I don't, I'll put it over here.
Put it on my phone.
Just don't eclipse the liquid death with it.
Okay.
What do we start out with?
So we're just going to start talking now.
Let me ask you a question.
Who goes two inches above a couch and then re-erects?
People who go take a shit in public bathrooms.
And women when they tinkle.
And men when they tinkle.
Do you not sit when you tinkle?
I often do sit when I tinkle.
But by the way.
Get this on the record!
It's great.
Why aren't we all sit?
My daughter.
Then we have to stand to pee!
My daughter.
I was peeing this morning.
Oh, I have to do this.
Why do we have to stand to pee?
Why do we have to stand to podcast?
What?
I don't know.
Why not?
Here, you may.
I'm letting you, as the host.
Like Johnny Carson, I'd go.
It's not abandoning the bit.
If I say, you may sit.
And you had a nice coffee already.
Is it cold brew?
Let me tell you what my daughter said.
Tell me.
She's for-
Do you want this here?
She's-
This is like-
Aesthetically-
I'm going to grab you with this on the camera.
You said to me, right?
I collect TV guides.
Say it into the microphone.
It's a podcast.
When I was younger, I collected TV guides.
Normally, I'm loved.
When I was younger, I collected TV guides and Mad Max.
And here is one of them.
And so my wife is like, how long are you going to keep your TV guide collection
in our house?
Did she do quotes?
Because it is a TV guide collection.
Yeah, she did.
Can I say something, too?
Why not?
It's a podcast.
If not, it's going to be-
I'm going to say something.
You know how we all know that it's Frankenstein's monster?
Yes.
Yes.
The modern, the 2022 version of that style of joke is pointing out, why did you
do air quotes?
That's literally what it is.
That's the 2020-
Wait, what's the-
That's the 2022!
You still haven't sat!
What is the 2022?
Wait, explain that joke to me.
Yeah!