Name: Chelsea Handler | You Made It Weird
Uploaded: 2023-02-01T15:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chelsea Handler | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Chelsea Handler | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-01. Transcript available.

Chelsea Handler | You Made It Weird

You made it weird. You made it weird. You made it weird. Oh yeah. You made it
weird. You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird. Oh yeah. You made it
weird. With Pete Holmes. Yes, you did. You made it weird. Oh yeah.
What's happening, weirdos? This week on You Made It Weird is the incredible
Chelsea Handler. Here's a little taste.
I wasn't ever a people pleaser and I never have been because I also just can't
be inauthentic. I can't be fake. Even if I don't like someone and I'm talking
to them, everyone will know that I don't like that person. Even if I'm smiling
and trying to pretend, I cannot be fake.
You seem like that kind of person. You actually remind me a lot of my best
friend in college. Her name's Jamie and she was that way and I just couldn't be
more tickled hanging out with her because if she didn't like somebody, it was
like right on her face.
Yes, but it's very, it's because I have no, I have no bluff. Like, yeah. So it's
also inconvenient. You know what I mean? For people and their feelings.
Holy cow. This is Chelsea Handler. I've been wanting to have Chelsea on the
podcast for a very, very long time and I'm very, very excited that she's here
and I'm excited for you guys to hear it.
If you guys listen to the We Made It Weirds, which are me and Val every Friday,
you know that I was quite taken with Chelsea.
We were laughing about just how impressed I was with her. She's funny. She's
sharp. She's interesting. And you're going to hear all of that right now.
Check out her Netflix special. It's called Revolution. Revolution.
It's on Netflix, which is a website and an app. WetNetflix.com. Check it out.
Also, if you'd like to see me do stand up, I just added a whole new bunch of
tour dates and they are all at PeteHolmes.com.
Atlanta, Charlotte, Washington, D.C., Vancouver, Grand Rapids, San Diego, New
Orleans, Dallas, Houston, Milwaukee, Madison, Royal Oak, Michigan.
Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. That's a Gilda's LaughFest in Grand Rapids or near Grand Rapids,
I guess.
Minneapolis, New York, New York and Ridgefield, Connecticut. So those are all
at PeteHolmes.com.
Hope you can come out. This episode is brought to us by what I'm currently
wearing right now.
This is absolutely a life changing piece of technology. This is my Apollo Neuro.
For those of you listening, you can't see it, but it basically looks like a
wristwatch that I basically, basically, heavy on the basically's in the intro,
have it on the inside of my wrist.
But it's not a watch. It's, what is it? It's a piece of wearable tech.
You guys hear about this wearable tech going around?
Apollo Neuro is basically like a wearable hug for your nervous system.
What does that mean? It means currently, right now, I have it on a setting
called Rebuild and Recover, and it's delivering directly into my nervous system
in a language that my nervous system can understand.
Gentle, almost sub-perceptual vibration, meaning it's not something I notice.
It's just kind of running throughout my day, but it's delivering vibrations
that are received to my system as a message.
In this case, to rebuild, to recover after a long day and a lot of physical
activity, it's been shown to help with recovery.
But that's not it. It also helps with energy and waking up.
It helps with being social and open, which is a great setting for creative work.
In fact, when I'm wearing it, which is every episode on this podcast, I'm
rocking it on social and open.
Clear and Focused has been shown clinically to help people with procrastination,
focused, all the symptoms of ADHD that we're all familiar with, meditation and
mindfulness.
It helps you get deeper in your meditation practice just by lulling you into a
more calm state, basically giving your body the sensation that it's being held,
which is incredible.
At night, I put it on Relax and Unwind.
That's what I have it on when I'm watching a TV or reading a book at the end of
the night.
It helps me fall asleep faster.
And also, the Sleep and Renew.
If all this thing did was help me fall asleep and stay asleep with no, you know,
not a pharmaceutical, no drug, nothing like that, it would be worth it.
I'd already be singing its praises.
But it does all of those things.
My favorite thing about it is if I get up in the middle of the night, use the
bathroom or something, come back in bed, my brain starts going like, okay, what
do we got tomorrow?
What are we going to do?
It starts worrying.
I hit the two buttons on this.
No need to go on your phone or anything.
It reruns the last program.
Sleep and Renew runs again.
And it gently lulls me back to sleep.
Sometimes I describe it like if someone's patting you like this, like at a
rhythm, and then they slow down the rhythm.
That physical touch can tell your nervous system it's safe, it is not in danger,
it's okay to go to sleep, or it's okay to meditate.
Or in the opposite, it can get your heartbeat going.
The energy in wake-up setting is like drinking an espresso, but you don't have
to get any chemical, nothing like caffeine in your system, and you'll still get
that jolt of energy.
So, it is a wearable that helps you recover from stress, helps you use touch
therapy to feel safe and in control.
I wear it on my wrist.
You can also wear it on your ankle.
Soothing vibrations that train your nervous system to recover and rebalance
after stress.
I always say this, but it is not woo-woo.
It's not sold in crystal shops.
It was designed by a neuroscientist and a board-certified psychiatrist who have
been setting the impacts of chronic stress in humans for nearly 15 years.
And Apollo's effect on stress, sleep, cognitive performance, and recovery have
been proven in multiple clinical trials and real-world studies.
And there's always more coming in.
I'm in touch with these guys, and they're always sending me new studies, more
data that shows that this works.
In fact, on the road, it's really nice.
I meet more and more weirdos that are wearing them, and they say thank you for
introducing me to the Apollo.
That is why I'm so glad to be working with them and why I'm grateful to have
them to bring us this episode.
You can give it a try or give it as a gift.
We've given away, I think, at least 10 of them as a gift.
So, go to apolloneuro.com slash weird.
You'll get 10% off, and it means so much.
It shows support of this podcast.
A-P-O-L-L-O-N-E-U-R-O dot com slash weird.
10% off and feel a little bit more in control, a little bit safer, a little bit
more relaxed or energized, whatever you need it to do.
It's like finding the fuse box to your body.
So, give it a try.
And in the meantime, hope to see you on the road.
Go to pdomes.com.
Check out Chelsea's latest special, Revolution, on Netflix, and enjoy this
wonderful chat.
Get into it.
Excuse me.
Oh, viral video.
Oh, no.
I don't know how that happened, guys.
But is that fun?
Is it fun to just, I mean, I always say to Val, my wife, I was like, I would
have loved to have been like a big, sexy broad.
A big-breasted broad?
A big-breasted broad?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I dated a big, buxom lady who was very sexy.
Like, wherever we went, she got kind of, like, comments.
And I was like, that looks so, it looked like, it looked like stand-up comedy
became a person.
It was like the look-at-me body.
Yeah, like a Betty Boop body.
A Betty Boop body.
Like a curvaceous body.
A curvaceous sort of, I don't, all bodies are beautiful, obviously, but some
are more rare.
So this was like, just kind of like seeing like a puma.
Yeah.
Would you turn this off, Katie?
Just like seeing something.
So, and I used to be like-
Is there some like hot air blowing on you while you're talking to somebody with-
I have enough blowing at me from this direction.
Two camera.
Oh my God.
Hi, you guys.
I didn't even see you guys standing there.
Two?
Yeah, there are three thin men.
How exciting.
Cyclopses.
I love a cyclops.
I was going to say black cyclopses because they are colored black, but I didn't
want to
get in trouble.
Yeah, yeah.
You can't say black.
You can say it.
You could, I could say black cyclops because I would actually be talking about
a black cyclops.
That's the difference.
Because you're, are you going-
Smarter.
Smarter?
Wait, what were you going to say?
Senile.
Like I thought maybe you were losing your mind.
Um, no, I am, I am losing my mind.
Thank you.
I am senile.
And I mean, I've already forgotten more than most people will ever experience.
That's right.
And I don't, I mean, I meet people and I'm just like, hello, nice to meet you.
And then I, oh, and then they're like, we've met like four or five times.
And I'm like, exactly.
That's why I said, nice to see you.
That's what I say now to anyone, even if it's a first meeting, you just say,
nice to
see you, even though that sounds stupid.
I think I met you IRL, correct me if I'm wrong, I'm ready to be embarrassed in
Montreal.
Because I think I would have remembered this past Montreal.
This past Montreal.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
And we were comics, so we went right into it.
And that felt totally organic, organic.
Yeah.
I was like, back it up, back it up.
Back it up.
Are you at air one right now?
Yep.
Okay.
Well, get out.
The only place you can get really, truly raw cashews, truly raw.
Most raw cashews are steamed, Chelsea.
Don't act like you don't care.
Can I just tell you that?
Don't act like you didn't like that tip.
When you asked me to do your podcast and I looked in my calendar today.
This is a podcast?
Yeah.
I don't know what this is.
But I looked in my calendar today to see what was up, right?
Yes.
So I was coming over here.
I go, I bet Pete Holmes lives exactly where you live.
Is that right?
Can I ask, do you live near here?
Because I went on a hike once and I thought I saw you.
No, I hate hiking.
I don't like snakes.
It wasn't that kind of hike.
I don't like hikes.
What else you got?
It was a hill.
It was just a hill.
It was like a hilly area.
I like to ski downhills, but I wouldn't be walking up one.
That's where we're different because I'm very tall.
You're tall for a lady.
For a lady?
That's what I'm saying.
I'll get canceled for that.
Why are you?
I have a certain understanding of how tall ladies are.
I don't want to mention ladies.
Why are you even talking about height, Pete?
Keep our height out your mouth.
Yes.
I said, yo, this is going terribly.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
All people, all different people say yo.
I have a question for you.
Are you religious?
Yeah, it's about to get annoying.
Are they just adjacent?
I'm not religious at all.
Sleeping in that Sunday, if that's what you mean.
Okay.
Because when Taylor Tomlinson, when she brought you up,
or when you presented her with her award this summer in Montreal,
I was presenting Amy with her award and you were presenting Taylor.
Yeah.
And I felt like there was some sort of religious connection between the two of
you.
And I think that's why they picked me.
And when Taylor was in the newspaper,
the New York Times, the Post, I don't know, the Journal.
Who knows?
Right, okay.
Linings for birdcages.
The Wall Street Journal, is that what paper you're referring to?
I'm shitting on big media.
I just don't remember which one it is, is what I'm joking.
I think it was the Times.
Okay, I think it was, I think I know exactly the article.
And I think it was the New York Times.
They wrote a really nice review about her stand-up, right?
Maybe.
But there's also been just like profiles about her religiousness.
And I've often, because of this podcast and because of the first time she came
on,
we talked at length about her growing up, sort of fundamentalist.
That, I was called into comment for that.
And because that association has been made, that I'm, I don't know what I am.
An acolyte?
I'm an acolyte.
I'm like a, like a festering sort of virus that sees.
Who isn't?
I mean, there are a lot of viruses going around and people's viral loads are
way up.
It's true.
And I just, yeah, there's something to be done with loads, but we're going to
leave it alone.
So you're not rel