Name: I'm a skeptic w/ Gianmarco Soresi | You Made It Weird
Uploaded: 2023-02-17T15:00:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I'm a skeptic w/ Gianmarco Soresi | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'I'm a skeptic w/ Gianmarco Soresi | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-17. Transcript available.

I think some of us are like a little afraid of merging with God because your
specialness goes.
Like if you become one with everything, that means there's no two.
That means there's no specialness and it's its own type of annihilation.
And I think a big part of our job here on earth is to recognize that that's
actually not to be feared.
It's this weird play we're putting on for each other of separation,
but like the oneness isn't to be, you shouldn't be afraid of it.
Yes, in theory.
I just remember reading all the things.
All the things as a kid where, not a kid, but in college where they'd be like,
you know, do you remember before you were alive?
It's just that.
And I was like, that's horrifying.
I take no comfort in this at all.
I don't want to go to before I was alive.
I just had a very like gripping like anxiety in college that I was like trying
to solve.
And that's why I became skeptical because I think I like went down all the
avenues
and looked into all the things and for a second believe the psychic thing
and then read the Amazing Randy thing.
And I was like, fuck, it's bullshit.
It's bullshit.
What?
The guy that can turn the pages with his breath?
I mean, amazing.
But then it gets more nuanced.
The random number generator, the Stanford experiment at the ESP.
It's just like, I know the random number generator.
Sure.
It's, I think it was at Stanford.
I forget what it was called, but they had like a department of psychic studies.
And this is how the CIA would, you know, the men who stare at goats, that movie.
It's that shit.
CIA.
CIA.
You're with CIA, but yeah.
I am not.
But just these big groups of organizations who actually took this seriously in
the ways
that it was people being bamboozled, people, people.
Wait, so the random number generator, I thought it was like whenever there were
like, like 9-11
or a huge earthquake or a tsunami, the numbers tended to be like these similar
numbers.
What is the one you're talking about?
This was the idea that a random number generator should be random.
But if you get some psychic in another room going two, two, two, you're going
to have more
twos than statistically average over there.
And there's a billion ways to misinterpret the data.
I understand.
And there's a confirmation bias.
Of course.
Yeah.
And I think it's overwhelming to see how many adults like who were like anti-religion,
but they bought some of the shit.
You know, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross?
She's the seven stages of grief.
Okay.
She, you know, brilliant psychologist.
That thing is a known.
She got really into a psychic who would bring back dead husbands and-
Sleep with them.
And then that's what happened.
What?
It was him.
It was him wrapping himself in cheesecloth, which is, the reason it's cheesecloth
is
because it's easy to stuff in crevices, like a shitload of cheesecloth in your
mouth or
your asshole, I guess.
Wait, hold on.
Is this a bit?
No.
Then back it up just a little bit, cheesecloth.
Psychic camp.
Psychic camp where this primarily widows would come.
Yes.
And they would do a ceremony where he'd bring back their husbands.
Okay.
So they could have a final, fuck them.
With cheesecloth?
So what he would do, what these psychics would do is basically, they're doing
magic, right?
So the way that they would do this magic trick of this spirit reappearing is
they would have
translucent cheesecloth.
And the reason it's cheesecloth is because you can get a lot, really small, put
it somewhere
in your body.
You can hide it.
It's a magic trick.
And so he turned off the lights.
And then he comes out, he comes out and they think it's their husband.
Okay, hold on.
So the illusion, the attempted illusion is a physical, translucent looking
person comes
into the room.
And because of confirmation bias, you wanted it to be so true, you covered in
cheesecloth
looks enough like my dead husband in the dark room and you're cheesed.
Yeah.
And I go, there he is.
Has a dick.
That's it.
But she would put the cheesecloth on herself.
No, no, no.
No, he, he would, he's pretending to be, he's either the psychic.
He's saying this woman was in this camp and defended this guy.
I see.
And, and basically he, he got away with it for a long time.
But then I think crabs spread around the camp and they said, what are these
ghost crabs?
Where are they coming from?
Like, like, like, like pubic hair.
And he was fucking them.
He was fucking them.
In the cheesecloth.
In the cheesecloth.
So he put it on.
I'm your husband.
Let's, let's fuck.
Val would know.
No, I wasn't, it wasn't me.
Cause every time we have sex, I go, what a babarino.
We haven't had sex in the past 10 years without me going, what a babarino.
That's if, if this motherfucker didn't know to say what a babarino.
I shouldn't be sharing this.
At the end?
Is this, is this when you come?
Is that when it's coming?
No.
What a babarino.
No, it's not like that.
It's the corniest because I feel so safe and she and her clothes come off and
it just comes
out involuntarily.
I just go, what a babarino.
But mid.
Your dad would love it.
It's Italian sounding.
Mid.
In the middle.
At the end.
No, it's at the beginning.
At the beginning.
Oh.
It's like you're smooching.
That's what I mean.
The clothes come off and it bears a comment.
So I say, what a babarino.
Sure.
And then now it's kind of become a thing.
I didn't mean to take away from this cheesecloth story.
No, I think maybe that's how the camp, that would be a better way for the camp
to go down.
One wife's like, baby, what are you doing?
You haven't, you haven't said it.
Say it.
Say it.
There's a million.
Okay.
I know my babarino thing is just kind of a bit, but there's a million.
There's no one that could have sex with Valerie in the way that we have sex.
She knows.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
People's sex styles are like thumbprints.
Sure.
So there's just a psychic covered in cheesecloth.
Like, this is a non-jokey version, but if he licked her ear, I'm not an ear
licker.
Like, if he, there's a million things.
Maybe he quizzed, maybe before in the readings, he goes like, your husband says,
oh, he loved
it when you did the thing.
What was the thing again?
Like maybe he's finding out, he's finding out.
And you used to love it when he would always say, what did he say?
And he's like, I'm not going to say that.
He goes, I'm not going to say that.
You can bust me.
I'm not going to say babarino.
I refuse.
I refuse.
You know what?
I'm done with this psychic.
I'm done.
What a babarino.
That's when he turns himself in.
He goes, this is not right what I'm doing.
You know what?
This is not right.
Would you agree?
Do you have a partner?
I do.
And if you were dead and she saw cheesecloth, there's got to be a Gianmarco.
You're like, hey, I have an early morning.
Hilarious.
Also, just like the way you kiss or don't kiss.
Of course.
Yes.
But you're sad.
You're sad.
You'll believe it.
And this woman, this psychologist.
And you taste like cheesecloth.
It's exactly.
Yeah.
But he has crabs.
That's how bad.
And I, well, the crabs Val would be like, this is him.
I'm just kidding.
You made it weird.
You made it weird.
You made it weird.
Oh, yeah.
You made it weird.
You made it weird.
You made it weird.
Oh, yeah.