Name: Rick Glassman | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2023-02-22T15:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rick Glassman | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Rick Glassman | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-22. Transcript available.

Rick Glassman | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

You made it weird, you made it weird, you made it weird, oh yeah.
You made it weird, you made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, oh yeah.
You made it weird, you made it weird, you made it weird, yes you did, you made
it weird, oh yeah.
What's happening weirdos? This is Rick Glassman who is hilarious, a riff
machine,
and a very, very interesting and fun to talk to person.
I know this because I've been a guest on his podcast, which is called Take Your
Shoes Off,
twice, and both were incredibly, incredibly fun and wonderful riff-filled chats,
so we were due for a silly one. This is a silly one, and I'm so glad Rick was
able to join us
for the first time here on You Made It Weird. Here is a little taste of our
conversation.
I wrongly felt everybody feels about me positively, which was great for my self-worth.
I love myself, I'm fun, I'm funny, I'm phenomenal, and then I found out I'm not,
and by that I mean I became aware that, oh, there's a possibility that people
think differently than me.
Not that they think differently than me, I disagreed. There's a possibility.
All right, weirdos. Lots, lots to enjoy here. If you'd like to come and see me
live, which I would love,
so many weirdos have been coming out on the road, and it means so much to see
you guys in person
and to do stand-up for you, which is obviously my first love. If you guys want
to see me,
here's where I'm going to be. This, well, I was just in Vancouver.
Coming up next is Grand Rapids, San Diego, New Orleans, Dallas, Houston,
Milwaukee, Madison,
Royal Oak, Michigan, Minneapolis, New York, New York, and Ridgefield,
Connecticut.
For tickets to all of those, go to PeteHolmes.com. I also do a monthly show in
Los Angeles.
If you're going to be in the Los Angeles area, go to Largo-LA.com, and you'll
see a show called
Pete Holmes Living at Largo. It's once a month. Last month was on Valentine's
Day. It was so fun.
It's always the highlight of my month, so if you're going to be in the
California area,
or I guess it's a big state, the Los Angeles area, go to Largo-LA.com,
and we would love to see you at that show. I say we because Val
is almost always there, which is so, so fun. And if you like this show,
the way it works is I try always to pick sponsors that I actually use and
actually love.
Like, here, I'm going to stand up. Perfect jean!
If you're not watching on video, that made no sense. I'm wearing my perfect
jeans. You know why?
I'm always wearing perfect jeans. The perfect jean. I have this pair of jeans
after I discovered
the perfect jean basically in four different colors and a couple different
pairs of each because once I
found these pants, there was no going back. They have done it. The boys at the
perfect jean have
discovered the perfect fit, the perfect cut, the perfect wash, and just a
little bit of stretch. I
hate hard pants, and these are the best pants I've ever owned. I literally
haven't looked back. I wear
them to fancy Hollywood things because they look like designer jeans. I've
taken naps in them because
they're soft, like pajamas. They're incredible. They're not like super soft in
the sense that
they're, they're not like flannel PJs. They're still identifiable as jeans, but
2% spandex, 2.5% rayon
for extra comfort and movement that your man parts require. That means these
jeans stretch so your nuts
ain't crushed. It doesn't crush your nuts. Thereby providing the only true home
for your bone. They're
super soft, specialized washing, so your jeans literally feel as soft as a baby's
butt, and they're
incredibly durable. I've been wearing them for years, and you do not have to
replace these pants.
Regular jeans, they always wear out in the middle, tear up in the crotch area.
Not perfect jean. Not
only does the rayon and the spandex that they sew into this stuff make it
stretchier and more
comfortable, but it makes it more durable. But it's also high quality materials
and sewing techniques
that give you a product that is built to last. So once you buy one of these,
you're set. Best of all,
they're not khakis. Fuck your khakis and spare your nuts. The perfect jean for
the perfectly
imperfect men, just 60 bucks when you use code weirdo at checkout. Liberate
your lower limbs with
the one and only perfect jean. Whether you're working with lemons or lentils, a
three-leaf clover,
or a big old honking eggplant, the perfect jean has you covered. Take a peek at
www.theperfectjean.nyc.
That's the perfect jean.nyc code weirdo for 25% off at checkout. Incredible.
Get into it. Do your body a
favor. Look good, feel good, and show your support of the show. Another Pete's
pick that I always have
here on my desk, for those of you watching the video, this is Magic Mind. The
biggest game changer
of this year for me for sure has been Magic Mind. What is it? It is not an
energy drink. It's a
productivity drink. It doesn't get you jittery. It doesn't get you wired. It
gets you in the flow.
It's like a flow state beverage. You know how athletes have Gatorade. Now
creative types have
Creatorade. It's a magical elixir that makes you focus better on your work, be
more creative,
and you drink less coffee. In fact, I take this with my espresso in the morning.
It has adaptogens that
help round off the edge of the caffeine that I get from my espresso, giving me
a dialed in clean
energy. There's also about 35 milligrams of caffeine in here because of the
matcha that helps you focus
and the adaptogens help you fight off stress. You can take it daily for a
sharper mind, steady energy,
immune support, and like I said, less stress. You get 30% more done on average.
That's five to seven
hours of 30% more productivity after drinking. It is the creator's best friend.
I take it about 15
minutes before I go on stage, before I'm writing a script, before I'm doing a
podcast. I often give
it to the guests as you see it on the show. Helps fight off procrastination,
brain fog, fatigue,
fatigue, and some symptoms of ADD getting you into that flow state. And the
more you use it,
the better it works. With a money back guarantee, any first purchase will be
refunded. No questions
asked if it doesn't meet your expectations. And we have a special offer for
weirdos from our friends
at Magic Mind. All you have to do is go to www.magicmind.co slash weird and use
discount code at checkout
for 20% off your first order. It's a mood elevating. It dials in, gives your
brain all the nutrition it
needs to focus and work. Or sometimes I take it just like when I'm going out,
want to have access to my
brain, want to have access to energy without feeling jittery. I'm drinking way
less coffee and getting
way more done and feeling way less stress. And they just improve the taste. So
it's even better.
So try it. Go to www.magicmind.co slash weird and show your support of the show.
All right,
everybody, let's enjoy a silly, silly fun chat with my boy, Rick Glassman. Get
into it.
I don't need a bathroom, but I did want to do a mirror check. A mirror? Yeah.
You say mirror?
A mirror. Mirror? A mirror? You look great. Sit down. I'm going to look in the
mirror. Use a phone.
Okay. Here you go. I have one. I don't mean to make you feel unwelcome. You
really do look great.
Thank you. But the energy you're giving me is yours and I accept it. That's a
really funny way
to address my energy that does need to be adjusted. I'll meet you outside in
eight minutes. Hurry up
with your phone call. I live in Ojai. Look. I got one. I got one. Yeah, but
this is a nice wide
angle. This is a nice wide. Can you guys not look at me while I do this? Yeah.
I didn't want to look
at you doing your mirror check. But now I really, this is all on there. Are you
kidding me? This
golden mirror check? Do you say robot? Have we covered this? Do you say robot?
Don't mess with my camera.
What are you doing? No. No, no, no, no. You are the master of the bed. Ricky
Glassman. Ricky Glassman.
Did you get my rider for this? Oh, you did. Your rider? Yeah. I wasn't sure
because I asked for the
smallest headphones possible, but you got them. Oh, I see. I've set the tone as
acrid and you're
yes and I got Ricky Glassman. What? Looks like a butthole. Is that what your
butthole looks
like? No, that's what I would say if I were holding a mirror to your face.
Welcome back to
the Pete Holmes, you know. Oh, what's this podcast? You made it weird. You did
when you met me
outside with that attitude. It's good to be back. You've never been on the show.
I can't
hear you. Hold on one sec. Ricky Glassman. Actually, I do want to do over. Okay.
Could we switch
seats so I don't have to hurt my neck? Sit like I'm sitting. First of all, here's
a plug
for your podcast. You hated that? I hated it so much. Just this? Don't do it
again. I
want to discern if it was a bit. A socked foot on a sweatered elbow? Just tell
me everything.
You wanted to give a plug to my podcast because you took your shoes off. No, I
was going to
say you take your shoes off. I could do that. I have matching socks. You mean
matching to
mine? Or you mean your two socks are matching? The socks, the two socks I'm
wearing. In both
ways. They, the socks I'm wearing, my left matches my right. And they match. If
you know
what I mean. What's my camera? That's your camera. Mug, mug, mug it up. You can
also put
your shoes, keep your, because they're great shoes. Keep them on, but put them
on the couch.
Really? Yeah. Oh, I'll do this. I get what is going on with you and my foot
touching your
elbow. They're just downstairs feet. I mean, hands. Let me do the riff again.
Yeah. The
riff. I mean, the arrogance on this guy. It was a riff. Yeah. An unplanned
comedy attempt
is a riff. Yeah. Doesn't sound so sexy when you call it an unplanned comedy
attempt. It
wasn't that sexy of a riff. Two, three, four has to come before a riff. They're
just your
downstairs hands and they're socked. And it's early in the day. I didn't, I'm
not, I'm not
so upset. I'm fine. I wasn't triggered by it, but it happened. And it was just
like, if
you really don't understand why somebody doesn't, why somebody wouldn't want
your sock on their
thing. I think the amount of time it would take to explain it to you would be
worth it.
So here's the thing. No, it'd be a waste of everyone's time. And I want to make
a good
impression in front of your very young female audience. What is it like 23 to
27 year old
females that listen to this? Or is it 39 year old black guys? Because those are
the two main
demographics. Those are your peep. Those are my demographics. Those are your
two demos.
I think my demo is, um, I don't, I don't know what my demo is. I know it's a
lot of people
that most people, at least the ones that reach out have at least one of my
things.
What are your things? Well, well
Judaism?
I don't think that's really a thing. I thought that was definitely going to be
one of your
things. No. Only because you're a celebrated Jewish performer. A CJP. I know
you love acronyms.
And he moved. He wouldn't let me touch even the knee with the foot. So, um, we
recently talked
about how, uh, CJP, I, I want to tell you, I think this is so funny and I think
you're
so funny.
And please stop. And I don't want your foot on me. And that's okay. It's not
going to touch
you. Okay. The whole time. So, uh, I don't want to, I'm aware of everything. So
what happened
so far is a fun moment that we've had, but it could easily define the rest of
the podcast.
We can now be in this energy and go for, for better or worse. I'm just saying,
you mean
the sock hole, the sock hole. Yeah. But also just the, tell me about whatever.
I'm just feeling
like, we don't have to start over, but let's ease in. Okay. I love this. And
then you, then you take
control. We're very similar. You and I? Yeah. I'm a huge. I thought you meant
my socks. Yeah. And your
socks. Vibe and how things start super important to me. Who said that? Me just
now. Oh, I thought
it was a quote. No, no, no. I mean, it, it is a quote. I just, I just said it.
All you hav