Name: Neil Degrasse Tyson | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2023-04-19T14:00:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neil Degrasse Tyson | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Neil Degrasse Tyson | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-19. Transcript available.

Neil Degrasse Tyson | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

What's happening weirdos? This is the incredible, brilliant, fun, funny, warm,
interesting, comedy-loving, science-explaining, universe-explaining, Neil deGrasse
Tyson.
This is a mind-blowing conversation. He was eloquent, interesting on everything,
blew my mind
4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 12 times, made me question things, made me look at things
differently, got me excited
about the cosmos, got me thinking about food differently. I don't know why I'm
telling you
all this. I'm just so excited that you're here and that you're going to listen.
In fact, here's a little taste of where our conversation goes.
When I tell people about the universe, there's all kinds of stuff I'm not
telling you,
because it's boring as shit, okay?
So I pre-edited it, that's all.
I'm excited for you guys to hear the whole episode. Only a couple things to
plug up.
A top one, obviously, is Neil's book, Neil, my dear friend Neil, Mr. DeGrasse
Tyson.
However, I can most honorably discuss him. Starry Messenger: Cosmic Perspectives
on Civilization.
That's what it's called by Neil deGrasse Tyson. That must be the most honorable
way, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Starry Messenger: Cosmic Perspectives on Civilization is available now.
If you'd like to see me do standing-up comedy, I'm currently on tour. Go to
PeteHolmes.com.
Or if you're going to be in Los Angeles, go to Largo-LA.com. I do a monthly
show there.
Great. But PeteHolmes.com, I'm going all over the country.
Hopefully you can come to one of those shows. Thank you to everybody that came
out in Houston.
It was incredible. And if you want to support this show, why not try a Pete's
Pick? Pete's Pick are
ads for things that I actually use and actually love, like the perfect jean. As
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All right, everybody. Let's get in to Neil deGrasse Dyson.
Hey, dude.
What's up, man? What a pleasure. Don't change your icon. I just want to talk to
the cosmos.
Actually, I became spirit energy in the last hour.
I knew it. You've always been a hiccup away. Yeah, it's got to feel great,
right?
Here I go here. Let me get this. There it goes. Oh, there you are. I'm going to
say it. That's better.
That's better. Or, I mean, no, because I got, I got, no, no, let's, I mean, we
got,
I mean, we can, we can do. Oh, a blend. A blend. What is it? There's a Chinese
art called Li. Have
you heard of Li? No, I haven't. I think you're going to love it. I'm opening.
First of all, what a pleasure.
I'm honored to meet you and thank you for taking the time. I almost, yeah.
I don't know if you know, but I'm a huge fan of standup comedy.
I didn't know.
Yeah, it's just huge from way back. I think you guys hold the, the soul of
civilization in the palm of your hand.
Whoa.
And you reveal it to us. Sometimes it's uncomfortable. Sometimes it's enlightening,
but somebody has to do it.
And no one else can do it. And you guys are some of the smartest people,
because you have to know
everything and then figure out how to make it funny. Deeper than everybody else
does. Right.
I, I love that. And you know why I can agree is because taking myself out of it,
that's where I,
I go to comedy for that. I get served by comedy for that same thing. You know
what I mean?
You must love that. Like other, other scientists, other astrophysicists
minister to you. You know,
you can appreciate it and go like, this is great. So that's how I agree with
you.
Personally, I think the universe is hilarious, but other than that.
Dude, it is. I'm going to tell you something. Okay. I wrote down Lee, because I
do want to tell you what
Lee is, but the example I've been using lately is I was dropping my, my
daughter's four and we're
rocked by the way. If I seem a little off, it's just, she was up all night. She's
got a cop. It's
rough, but I'm going to.
No one knows absence of sleep better than new parents. That's it. There is no.
Oh,
I studied hard in school. I pulled all nighters. You have no idea. You don't
know. You don't know.
It was still you deciding when to break and when, you know what I mean? Like I'm,
my rhythms are completely disrupted by this and the noise that she makes, as
you know, as a parent
is hardwired to me. Like it's the sound that I, my cortisol, my stress just
goes. It's what it's
supposed to do. It pierces the din of all of the noises of life and it lands
right in your.
That's right. And I must respond. I go into like, I wouldn't say it's like
absolute panic,
but I can't, not that I would, but I can't ignore it. Even if I wanted to, even
if I was like,
her mom's got it. She'll do this one. I'll do it. But we've been up all, all
night. It's been.
Just think about it. Evolutionarily. If they had, if when they were in distress,
they had a soft,
soothing voice. No one would hear it. And they would just die and gone gene
pool with them.
Gone. Goodbye. All the quiet lineages have been removed. They've been cold from
the herd.
Okay. You've already stepped into premise that I try. I go cool is quiet. Think
of Denzel Washington,
right? That's always my go-to example of cool. He's quiet. He's like, that's
you. That's you. He's very
quiet. And then think of uncool. It's like, hey, you guys. It's like, it's like
a door can suspend.
It's Urkel. It's Urkel being like, Urkel. Young Urkel. Yeah. Old Urkel. He's
like a regular guy.
Not Jaleel White. Not Jaleel. Jaleel's had a nice reconnaissance. He's, he's
driving a Porsche,
you know, he's got, he became Stefan Urkel in real life. He's doing it. He's
doing great. But I was
thinking about evolutionarily quiet doesn't give away your position to
predators. It doesn't,
it also does people competing for your food source. Wolves are quiet. Wolves
are cool. Stealthy. Stealthy.
Stealth is cool. And like, think of an awkward boy at a, at a dance. He's like,
hey, ladies,
you know, like that is, it speaks to like, that was very Jerry Lewis of you
right there. Hey, lady.
Oh, nice lady. That, and think of a cool guy. He's, he's swamped. This is why.
So the real question is, wait, wait. So the question is. Yes. How long can you
stay with an
annoying voice protected by your parents? Yes. Until you get eaten by the lion.
Right. Yes. That's right.
That that's the other, that's the classic millhouse. My mom thinks I'm cool. It's
like, yeah,
they're, they're here keeping you alive. You need to be cool outside of them
like that. This is the,
the argument for co-sleep, by the way, again, we have a four-year-old. So we've
been just sleeping,
letting her sleep in our bed. I read this book. It's called tribe. It's a great
book. And he's,
he kind of very subtly makes the argument that a baby like genetically speaking
knows it's vulnerable
when it's alone and in the dark, it's like, you can't be like, we live in a
house. You are in part
of the house. It's just like, I'm in the dark and I can't touch the thing, the
giants that I summoned
to get me food and protection. So he kind of, without being too preachy about
it, I know that's
a personal choice for parents. It made it really make sense. I was like, if the
baby wants in our bed,
she can be in our bed. I don't care. Even if I don't sleep.
- And not to sound like old father time here, but when she gets bigger, of
course,
there's less room for you and you'll get systematically more and more annoyed
by it.
However, you have to think differently about it. There will be a day. That's
the last day she ever
climbs into bed. And that will go unheralded. Not even remember that day. In
the same way,
if it hasn't already happened, you're young enough so it probably hasn't
happened yet. There's a day,
it's the last day you will ever pick up your child. And no one will announce
that.
I know here's the day. Nope. It'll just, it just happened. It's just another
time you picked her
up and God help you. If you were like, uh, and like you, that was the last one.
And you didn't
even enjoy it. The last one. And you didn't even know to enjoy it. So a lot of
little things. I don't
mean to sound like father, no old timer parent here, but yeah, this is it. We
think about, I take comfort
in the fact that we begin your podcast. Yeah, we've begun. We're recording. If
that's okay. It's not,
it's, it's cool. It's stealth. I can't be like, welcome to the show. It's like,
I just, oh yeah,
we're just talking. We're just two guys talking. It's fun. Let me tell you,
first of all, I was
going to say, I still pick my wife up. So I'm confident as a bigger guy there,
I will always be
able to pick up my daughter. I think, I think there's, there's no, no, no, no,
no. You don't
understand how, no, no, no, no. That's not how it works. Yeah. Okay. I have to
explain. Are you ready?
Okay. Okay. All right. You are a parent. Your daughter is four years old. Yeah.
Every year that goes by, she gets older and bigger and you get older and weaker.
So I'm not factoring in my weakness. That's what it is. Okay. And there's a
point where those two
lines cross. Yes. That's what it is. Yes. He's too heavy to pick up. You're too
weak to pick her up.
Yeah. You can say people. I felt you want it ends. Bada bing. Don't say I can
still pick up my wife.
Yeah. That's not going to go too long either. That's right. That's right. What
is the scientific
term for that? I had a confirmation bias or just a blind spot. It was just a
blind spot. It was a
bias. It was definitely a bias. And it was a bias because it served my ego. It
flattered me. It's a,
does that make it more of a personal bias? Would you call it a personal bias?
It's an ego bias. An ego bias. An ego based bias. Yeah. Okay. Going back to my
daughter. She's four.
This is to your point about comedians. We drop and about how the universe is
hilarious and about how
the universe doesn't really care about us, which I think is very, very funny.
Seinfeld had a bit
about how the ocean just wants to throw us out of it. And that's like the joke
is like, we keep trying
to get back in and it's just, all it does is heave us out of it. And even if
you go in the ocean and die,
it still sends you back to the shore. You're not staying. As a corpse. Yeah.
Nice try. Nice try.
You're still getting ejected. This is a human free zone. So I drop, I'm going
to, people on the pod
have already heard me tell this story probably three times, but I dropped my
daughter off. She's a little
shy. I go in the circle with her and I sit and they're singing a song about
monkeys falling in the
water and an alligator eating the monkeys basically. It's like a learning how
to count song.
What? Yeah, I know.
This is the morning song on the carpet. A lot of, a lot of these kids, a lot of
these kid