Name: Bill Lawrence | You Made It Weird w/ Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2023-08-09T14:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Lawrence | You Made It Weird w/ Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Lawrence | You Made It Weird w/ Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-09. Transcript available.

Bill Lawrence | You Made It Weird w/ Pete Holmes

You made it weird, you made it weird, you made it weird, oh yeah.
You made it weird, you made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, oh yeah.
You made it weird, you made it weird, you made it weird, yes you did, you made
it weird, oh yeah.
What's happening weirdos? This is the incredible.
Bill Lawrence, the creator of Scrubs, ever heard of it?
The creator of Ted Lasso, ever heard of it?
Cougar Town, Spin City, this dude has created so many incredible and hilarious
television shows.
I'm thrilled to have met him and I'm thrilled to have gotten him, through that
boy Zach Braff, to agree to come on the show.
He's a delight, it was like chatting with a comic, he's funny, he's fast, he's
interesting and he's a wonderful dad.
That's really the biggest takeaway I took, I was like this guy's dad goals for
me, really sweet, sweet dad.
So I'm really excited for you guys to hear this episode.
Only a couple things to plug up top.
If you're in LA, Bill talks about coming to my Largo show, we talk a little bit
about him seeing me there.
I do that once a month at the theater called Largo in LA.
Go to Largo-LA.com.
The next one is on August 5th.
Actually, this will be out after that, but there will be one in September.
There's one every month.
So just look for Pete Holmes, living at Largo.
Go to Largo-LA.com for tickets.
And if you go to PeteHolmes.com, you'll see all my tour dates in one place.
I'm going to be in Denver, St. Louis, Bloomington, Indiana.
They'll all be on PeteHolmes.com.
Thanks to everybody who's come out so far, and I'm excited to see everybody who
will be coming out in the future.
They're great shows.
Super fun.
Highlight of my month is to tour around and do these shows with you guys.
So I hope you can make it PeteHolmes.com.
And if you like this show, why not try a Pete's pick?
If you're new to the show, we only do ads for things that I actually use and
love, like modern mammals.
Look at my hair right now.
I washed my hair today.
It used to be in the past that if I washed my hair, I would hide my brittle hay
hair,
this disturbed, fluffy nonsense, under a hat for two, sometimes three days.
Or I'd have to fill it with all these artificial products to kind of make it
look like I hadn't just washed it.
It was terrible.
And I literally had my hair person and my dear friend, Kat, was like, Pete, you
need to wash your hair.
It's getting disgusting.
She was like, I don't know what to do.
Luckily, I found Modern Mammals, the only non-shampoo shampoo I found that not
only doesn't fry out and make your hair dry and look horrible,
but it actually makes it look great.
It makes me want to wash my hair.
It makes me wash my hair when I want to have a good hair day.
I didn't want to look like it looked like when I used regular shampoo.
Modern Mammals is a non-shampoo.
It cleans your hair but leaves it perfect, like a perfect hair day.
Look, look, look right now.
Well, if you're listening, you can't look.
It still has structure, still has some of its natural oils and natural moisture,
and it stays in place and looks and feels incredible.
After a wash, it looks how I want it to look after I would wait three, four
days after a normal shampoo,
but now I can get it on demand and on command.
So now I wash it all the time.
I use it before Red Carpets.
I've used it before big shows.
I used it before my Netflix special, which will be out in October.
So this is the only shampoo I use.
If you try it and like it one-tenth as much as I do, you're going to shit your
pants.
Over 40,000 guys have switched to this instead of traditional shampoo.
You've got to see the reviews for this product.
They're insane.
Guys don't just get excited.
It blows their mind, and once you try it, you're hooked.
I'm in for life.
You can't go back to regular horrible shampoo after this, and I love that it's
a small punk rock company.
I know the owner.
I love the owner.
It's grassroots.
These guys were just fed up with shampoo, frying their hair, and set out to
actually create new products to wash your hair with,
new shampoo alternatives specifically for guys.
They have a bar for people who want to be earth-conscious and reduce their
plastic.
And there's no fragrance, or they also have bottles and refills.
It's like a magic gray mud.
I love the feeling, and I love the smell, and it gives you that perfect hair
every single time.
Six seconds a day, perfect hair.
And support this show, which means so much.
Go to modernmammals.com slash weird, and you can get a special combo deal and
try both products.
That's the bar and the bottle, which both last a really long time, by the way.
Get both for $44.
That's modernmammals.com slash weird.
Get both the bar and the bottle for one reduced price.
All right, everybody.
Enjoy my chat with Bill Lawrence.
I'm excited.
Get into it.
How are you going?
How are you doing, Katie?
Are you good?
Yeah, I'm good.
Why were you late today?
I had surgery on my hand, and I had to get the stitches out.
What did you do?
I had something.
I had injured my hand, and then my thumb, and it never healed properly.
You're on the show.
And I got something called trigger thumb.
Trigger thumb?
And I couldn't bend my thumb for six months.
Well, you know I had a trigger finger.
Yeah, dude, if you get surgery, it fucking sucks.
It does.
Surgery, yeah, it sucks.
I don't like the gun reference.
Yeah, I had to go fully under.
It was a whole night.
I don't remember you ever saying it was Dupuytren's contracture.
It's called trigger finger on the dial.
Dupuytren's contracture.
Sure, sure, sure.
See, that's transphobia.
It's Dupuytransphobia that they didn't call it.
Dupuytren's contracture.
Did you get surgery?
No, because of Zioflex.
It's true.
Joe Namath or somebody is the spokesperson for Zioflex.
And it's gross, though.
They inject it.
So it's like a calcification of a tendon on your hand.
Sure.
That's not even true.
Sure.
But as a man who's Googled doctor terms and just put out all sorts of fallacies.
Does any come to mind?
Do you remember something you've written that's just like, that wasn't right at
all?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a whole premise for an episode that actually, oh, it was a thousand
years ago.
Look, the dude, the real JD was my college roommate, and he's a cardiologist
and a heart
surgeon out here.
He's a great dude.
And our one rule was every once in a while, he'd be like, if it's too
ridiculous, you can't
do it.
Oh, you'd call him and check?
Yeah, well, he and his wife were paying off med school loans, so they're the
medical advisors
on the show.
And everybody called him Real, is his nickname, because he's the real JD.
But the, I don't know, right?
Hey, Real.
I love that.
And, but we, a whole episode revolved around one out of every three people that
enters into
a hospital, you know, is going to die, and, you know, Zach gets a patient,
Sarah Chalk gets
a patient, and Donald Faisland gets a patient.
It was a really good episode.
It won a bunch of awards, and I gave him the script.
He's the medical advisor, and he's like, you know, that's not true at all.
Of course it can be true.
That would be horrible.
I'm like, how could it be true, though, for the show?
And it was, he had to dig in, and it was, if you stay overnight, which we didn't
say,
and you're not talking about babies or sports surgery, then one out of every
three people
does.
Which are the ones.
Nobody, when you go to a hospital, it's funny, you don't think of all the life
that's coming
out of a hospital.
Yes.
But as a father, you know, there's this whole ward that is just happening.
I mean, I know complications happen, and there's certain drama around the maternity
ward, but
I mean, it's also just like a very deeply joyful place.
It's also a creepy and horrifying place, but yes.
Oh, I agree with that.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not a huge fan of hot.
You don't have to say where your babies were born.
Where my babies were born.
Our daughter was born in Cedars.
Ours were out in the yard.
No, the...
The old squad on the full moon.
Get your wife cross until it was a full moon.
I said it only because my wife will listen to this, and she's so...
No judgment, except judgment.
She's so against the babies in the bathtubs and the...
Oh, she doesn't like that.
The natural...
You know that little pool skimmer takes out the poop?
Yeah, she's...
You gotta get that poop.
She's like, she's big of, you know, you don't get a trophy, fucking do it with
medicine.
Yeah.
And I came to a head recently, I don't know why, because just after this many
years of being
with somebody, I just love who she is as a person so much, and she actually
said this
out loud, so she's talking to somebody, and who's like, oh, yeah, I'm planning,
we're
going to do a baby at home in the tub with that, and before that lady finished
the
sentence, my wife went, we can't be friends.
I said it, point blank.
I said it out loud.
It's okay, you can finish your story with other people, we can't be friends, it
makes
me mad.
Are you married to Chelsea Peretti?
Who is this?
Who fires that clean?
My wife is an actress, her name is Krista Miller.
Yes, I know this, I know this.
But she plays a slightly nicer version of herself on TV.
Yeah, I feel that.
I'm actually drawn, Chelsea being one of those people, I'm drawn to people that
just say...
I wish I had the courage to be that frank.
I do it.
Do you?
But I'll give you an example.
I've started trying, but I'm not great at it.
Well, you know, there's kindness.
Yeah.
Sometimes my friend, like I was having lunch with a couple of friends and the
wife, I said,
I just love being here.
And I meant the town we live in.
And she said, you mean here, this restaurant?
And I was like, no, I mean, I do love being here, but I just mean here.
Yeah.
And I was like, but that was a fair, like, I understand why you said that.
And then her husband, who's kind of like a sass, was like, it's not fair.
Obviously, you meant here.
And I was like, yeah, but it's called kindness.
But everybody was enjoying everybody.
It was all part of the dance.
It was fine.
But the example I wanted to give you, I was thinking about it, because your
daughter is
an incredible musician.
Oh, so nice, man.
I didn't know.
Her name is Chris...
Charlotte.
Charlotte.
Charlotte Lawrence.
You nailed it.
You had the right letter.
It's a CH, though.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sure.
I didn't know that.
World's worst psychic.
It's a CH, though.
No, yeah, it's a CH.
Fine.
Can I tell you, when I was a single man, that one of the ways that I would just
meet people,
it didn't have to be girls, men, women, just at a bar, just kind of mingling,
was I would
just go up and say, I'm not a psychic, but I'm going to try.
And I would say, like, for you, I would say, your mom, your dad's name is
George.
Sure.
Don't, and I'd go, don't correct me until the end.
Yeah.
And your mom's name is Helen.
Sure.
And your mom loves wine, but stopped drinking, but doesn't consider wine
drinking.
Sure.
Like, I'd say something very specific, and then you can tell me what your
parents' names
are.
And then I'd probably sleep with you, right?
Well, you know.
The wine thing.
The wine thing's so specific.
Well, it is, it's charming.
Yeah.
If I'm writing that as a character, I'm like, that's a charming...
I feel like I'm...
That's a cute meat.
I feel like I'm easier in that game just because, because look at me, right?
Right now, if you, if you, without reading...
You're a kind-eyed Chandler.
Well, yeah, if you...
You look almost like, like, in my mind, sometimes I recast you as Matthew Perry.
That's very hard for me.
But then when I see, oh, tell me.
I wrote on the first year of that show, and I went from being jokingly, they
said,
hey, it's like Matty's fatter, older brother to his skinnier, younger brother
to his fatter,
younger brother to his skinnier, older brother.
He is so much.
You were the pole that we met you in Matthew Perry by.
Well, I was there that whole year, you know?
Yes.
Yes.
We were, we were, we had similar sensibilities.
Yes.
We were, we bec