Name: Joey Bragg | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2023-10-04T14:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joey Bragg | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joey Bragg | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-04. Transcript available.

Joey Bragg | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

You made it weird. You made it weird. You made it weird. Oh yeah. You made it
weird. You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird. Oh yeah. You made it
weird. With Pete Holmes. Yes, you did. You made it weird. Oh yeah.
What's happening, weirdos? This is Joey Bragg, the very funny, interesting,
kind, and smart Joey Bragg, who's been doing stand-up since his teenage years,
which is a very interesting story. He's also been acting in movies and TV, a
lot of it on the Disney Channel, since he was young as well.
So we're talking with child star and stand-up comedian Joey Bragg. I emailed,
or Joey Bragg emailed me about 10 years ago, and it's been really, really fun
to watch his career blossom and explode over the past decade. And on this
episode, we actually read that email, talk a little bit about our Facebook
friendship all those years ago, and how it applied or didn't apply to his
career and how it's blossomed.
So a couple things to plug up top. Thank you for being here. Means a lot. I'm
on the road. Go to PeteHolmes.com. It's a new hour. I'm going to be in Chicago.
I'm going to be in Bloomington, Indiana. Salt Lake City sold out. Thank you to
all my Utah friends. We have new episodes of Batman Firing the Justice League
dropping every Thursday. So be sure to subscribe to my YouTube. It's just Pete
Holmes on YouTube. And keep an eye out for that as well.
And we're brought to you by, what is it? Only one Pete's pick. And it's an OG
Pete's pick. This is the one that kind of started it all. It's Alpha Brain from
our friends at Onnit. You guys know I'm serious about Alpha Brain. I'm wearing
my jacket. I actually have Alpha Brain pills in my pocket of every jacket. I
have it in my car. I have it in my travel bag.
I take it before every podcast. I take it before I write scripts. I take it
before I do stand-up. I even take it before I just go out to a party and want
to have full access to my brain, to my creativity, to my language centers.
If you're doing something, and chances are you are, that involves your brain,
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I've been taking it for over a decade. I love it. If you like it one-tenth as
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It's incredible. Go to Onnit, O-N-N-I-T dot com slash weird. You'll get 10% of
everything you see on that landing page.
That's Onnit, O-N-N-I-T dot com slash weird.
All right, everybody, that's it. Enjoy Joey Bragg. What a fun chat we had, and
I hope to see you on the road.
PeteHolmes.com. All right. Get into it.
No, you can have that. You can have that right here. Put it right here.
Liquid death is water, right? Is it energy water?
It's not energy water.
I guess every time they have liquid death, I don't trust myself to know that it's
water.
No, I've bought it, and I'm like, I'm sober. I can't drink this. It's just
water.
And yours is bubble water, because we ran out of the regular water.
Ooh, fun. I got regular water right here, baby. I come prepared.
Catstranaut?
Yeah. We sent dogs to space. Never once did we try to send a cat to space.
Did we send dogs to space?
Yeah, or Russia's. Russia did.
Russia sent dogs?
We sent dogs to space with no intent on ever bringing them back.
Dogs?
Yeah.
Very interstellar.
Very interstellar. Can you imagine?
There's a Marvel comic called Cosmo that's about the Russian dog that goes to
space,
and Crash lands on an alien planet, and they take him in.
And he's their king, I hope?
Yeah. He's like a tele...
Wait, did they go and they died out there?
I think so, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, what else?
They're not going to, like, pilot to another planet.
Wait, okay, this is great.
When we sent the dogs, what was the point?
Do you know?
I know you're not at NASA.
It was to see, yeah.
To see if a living thing could live?
I think so, yeah.
So was there a button they would push?
Would it be like, we're alive?
Give us a woof.
I don't know.
I think we also sent chips.
Give us a...
There's a man in NASA going, give us a woof.
Who's a good boy?
Who's a good boy?
We got a woof?
All right, cut the transmission.
He's gone.
And then he just died.
I think we sent...
America sent chimps, and then Russia sent dogs.
And America was like...
Wouldn't you think it's the opposite?
Sorry to interrupt.
No, totally.
If a nation was going to be like, we send...
I can't do Russia.
We sent...
I'm going to just do German.
We send other chimps!
And we'd be like, we sent dogs.
Yeah, right?
America's animal.
They sent, like, nature's human.
Like, the closest human thing you can get.
No, they sent dogs.
Oh, they sent dogs.
We sent chips.
The closest to humans.
Yeah.
Which is very...
That makes sense.
So messed up.
Are they dead too?
Oh, deaf.
Yeah, what do you think they're...
You think they're parachuting back down to Earth?
Can I tell you...
They're gone, buddy.
Do you want to hear the weirdest thing?
Yeah.
Katie, have I said the thing about eating dogs before?
I don't think we should eat dogs.
I'm just saying, there was this debate on CNN where they were like, should we
eat dogs?
And the poor guy on the, you know, he was videoing and he was going to be
arguing for eating dogs.
I was just looking at him and he just looked stressed and sweaty and I felt so
bad for him.
And dude, if he didn't come on and convince me, look, here's why.
Because we are already killing, see, NASA's killing him?
Yeah.
And we're killing thousands of dogs, I think a day.
Just by not being cute enough.
Oh, yeah.
Our thing is like whether somebody wants to adopt, people buy, I hate, I have
like a big anti-buying dogs person.
Don't buy them dogs, you say.
Don't buy them dogs, I say.
Because there's lots of them.
There's ugly little dogs in a dog prison waiting to be killed that you should
say.
There's ugly little dogs.
My dog was on the chopping block, as it were.
Yeah, and he's adorbs.
Yeah, great.
There's some cute little diamonds in the roughs there.
Rough?
Hey.
Diamond in the rough.
That's my charity I'm going to start.
Diamond in the rough.
You shouldn't.
You have to wait for that.
When I was in Israel, yep, that's right.
I love cats.
Zionism, baby.
Every guy's into Zionism, to all three cameras.
It's like I'm back on a sitcom set.
There are cats, and the cats in Jerusalem are like rats.
Oh, really?
And I love cats.
I'm a cat person.
Me too.
Then you get up there and you see enough pirate cats.
Like there's a cat, like weird one, or like one weird eye that's like scanning,
like the Terminator.
And a little wooden leg.
Oh, my God.
Very quickly you go, these aren't cats.
These are a third thing.
This is another kind of animal.
Because they're everywhere, and you lose your sympathy because they're so not
cute.
I can't believe I'm saying this.
As I'm saying this, I don't agree with myself.
Yeah, I guess you could say deformed, but just like, you know, who shaved the
side of your face?
You learned the same lesson that the kids from the Goonies learned when they
met Sloth.
Is that an ugly thing can be beautiful?
An ugly thing can be beautiful.
Those little weird-eyed cats.
And I just went to Costa Rica, and I got in a big argument with my friend, a
big humble brag.
That's my name.
What a nightmare.
That's my opening joke.
What a nightmare.
I'm about the brag.
No, it's not.
It's a hack.
But I just went to Costa Rica.
Don't, you just cut yourself.
Hack.
Don't do that.
You gotta do that.
No, don't do that.
There was a cat, like me and my friend went there, and there was a cat that
like clearly had ringworm,
but was so desperate for affection from the people staying in that like little
hotel-y commune thing.
Yeah.
How did you know it had ringworm?
Because it like has ringworm, like little bald ring-y, wormy spots on it.
Oh, no, really?
Yeah, and I was not about to tell this cat you are not getting the snuggles
that you want.
You gave it?
Yeah.
You gave it ringworm snuggles?
It was like the only argument me and my friend got in the entire week we were
in Costa Rica.
Was that you should love this cat?
No, that you should.
He didn't think I should.
Yeah.
I'm giving unconditional love to cats.
I'm like Jesus with the guys with leprosy.
Yeah.
No, like Princess Diana with the AIDS guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or Mother Teresa, leprosy.
Of course.
If you want to go down in the annals?
Annals of history?
The annals of history?
The annals of history is a whole other thing.
If you want to go down in the annals of history, there are certain porn stars
that go down in the annals.
That's how they get there.
No, it's annals, isn't it, Katie?
Annals of...
It's not channels.
I think it's annals.
Canals?
Canals.
The Venetian...
If you want to go in the Venetian canals, hang out with lepers.
It's right there.
Everybody's on Instagram and TikTok.
You want to be famous, go hang out with some lepers.
Yeah, right?
But for a long time.
I know, yeah.
The first nine years, nobody cared.
Also, where are the good lepers nowadays?
I've never seen like a group of lepers hanging out.
No.
No.
Never see a gag...
It's called a gaggle.
A gaggle of lepers.
A gaggle of lepers.
I think in...
There's no good sentence.
There's no good sentence.
Did we fix it?
I think there are some parts of the world where, for all of its troubles, the
United States,
it did a good job at cleaning up certain diseases.
Smallpox.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
We gave to a bunch of people.
Measles.
Yeah, smallpox.
Although we are doing...
We are the country that is like anti-vax.
So like when measles just came back, that was us.
It came back?
We brought measles back.
It came back for like a little bit.
Like some woman refused to vaccinate her kids and then flew on a plane.
Her kid got measles.
And then everybody's like, she's restarted measles.
Measles 2.0.
They rebooted measles.
They rebooted measles.
Who cast as measles?
Sarah Finn, the Marvel lady.
Who's Sarah Finn?
The casting director of like Marvel and Star Wars.
She's like the number one casting director.
Oh, she casts all of them.
She casts all like the big franchises.
Oh, so of course you know her name.
Of course I know her name.
Where's the Joey Bragg?
I know.
I'm not here yet.
I auditioned for Spider-Man when they were recasting Spider-Man.
You'd be great as Spider-Man.
I thought so too, Pete.
I said the same thing.
Because what is it?
Who is dead?
Stu?
What?
Who's dead?
You're in a movie called?
Oh, Sid is dead.
How did you not get it from Stu is dead?
Did your research?
I don't know.
Stu is dead and it's a three-letter S name is dead.
And you're like, oh, Stu is dead.
But I'm watching the trailer for Stu is dead.
You're the movie that you're, it's already out?
It's out.
It's out, baby.
We filmed it like before a pandemic.
So it's like.
Pre-plan.
Pre-plan.
We call it the plan.
The plan-demy.
The plan-demy.
Yeah, I knew it.
As soon as I saw the cross, I was like.
Look, I'm looking for downloads.
I'm looking for hits.
I'm looking for eyeballs.
What do I need to say?
Hey.
It was a plan-demy.
When has Joe Rogan been on your podcast?
No.
You should do that.
That's where your, that's where your viewers are.
You want to talk about the plan-demy.
Yeah.
Talk about sending dogs to space.
Yeah.
I'm doing the, I'm barking up the wrong cosmos.
Hey.
Okay, so the plan-demy, no, the pandemic.
Pre-plan.
We shot that pre-plan-y.
When I watched it, I was like, this is very Spider-Man-y.
Yeah, right?
Trey, perfect.
It's the crazy, it's the greatest part of being Spider-Man without the cool
