Name: OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES AQUAMAN | BAT-CANNED
Uploaded: 2023-11-09T20:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES AQUAMAN | BAT-CANNED' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES AQUAMAN | BAT-CANNED' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-09. Transcript available.

That Aqua Alpha take one, V6.
Um, listen, buddy.
You're fired.
I know you're not too familiar with the concept of fire,
because you live with Sebastian the Crab under the sea.
Is this your national anthem?
Everything's better down where it's wetter.
Take it from me.
I contribute the might of Atlantis to the team.
What about the power of my little pony?
As long as we're bringing in bullshit stuff.
What about the power of Narnia?
And that's super helpful,
because Atlantis is a bunch of bullshit.
I'm sorry.
We're from different parts of the world.
You're a sky guy.
I'm a sea guy.
We're masters of our own domain.
Didn't mean to interrupt.
Just ran down to Costco to get a bucket of your friends.
You recognize any of these motherfuckers?
Yeah, that's Steve.
I hope he died with honor.
I'm going to be honest.
I wasn't expecting a yes here.
Of all the fish that I could have bought to make fun of you,
I bought one named Steve.
That's Steve.
You went to Costco just to make fun of me?
I didn't.
Alfred did.
He doesn't have much to do with his afternoons.
It's pretty much, wake up, give me a little woo-hoo.
With the mighty trident of Neptune.
Looks like the swizzle stick you put in an oyster shooter.
That looks like John Goodman's fork.
Here's a couple tridents for you, Poland Springs.
Trident.
Three.
Harvey Dent.
Can we trust him?
Sorry, I got sidetracked.
I'm so sorry.
I've been trying to be culturally polite and ignore it,
but you smell like nigiri left inside of nori,
left inside of a van,
left in the desert of New Mexico
for three nights and no ventilation.
You smell like a bait shop down by the bayou
in January.
Wait, that's not a hot month.
Thank you, saltiest Joe Rogan fan.
You look like you work in a crystal shop.
You could be the stand-in for Zach Galifianakis
if he ever frosts his tips.
Eat shit.
Sorry, I'm...
Your dick has scales.
Scaled for her pleasure.
I'm sorry, but even for me,
that's over the line.
I'm gonna stop you right there, Evian.
This is just for office use only.
That was perfect.
I can breathe underwater.
So you can, you know,
be alive while you're speaking to fish.
Night vision.
To see the fish before you talk to him.
Nobody wants to be an idiot
floating around in a dark ocean,
talking only to widen and reveal
there's no fish listening.
That would be embarrassing.
A guy talking underwater
is only embarrassing if there's not a fish to hear.
Are you getting this?
In an ideal world,
you'd fire yourself,
long-jawed dipshit.
All right, let's go.
Who's your nemesis?
The Gordon's Fisherman?
Do you not trust him?
Do you not trust the Gordon's Fisherman?
Because he killed so many of your ex-lovers.
Go 69 a seahorse,
you fucking pervert.
We're definitely gonna use that.
Don't save him.
I quit.
Sorry to lose you, Red Lobster.
I'll miss your unlimited breadsticks.
Go form a creep cover band.
Even if you don't have a jellyfish stuck to you,
I'd love to take a leak all over you.
All right, gotcha.
All right.