Name: PLEASE DON'T DESTROY | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2023-11-15T15:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'PLEASE DON'T DESTROY | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'PLEASE DON'T DESTROY | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-15. Transcript available.

PLEASE DON'T DESTROY | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

You made it weird, you made it weird, you made it weird, oh yeah. You made it
weird, you made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, oh yeah. You made it
weird, with Pete Holmes. Yes you did, you made it weird, oh yeah.
What's happening weirdos? This is so, so fun. I'm glad you're here, these are
the please don't destroy boys, the boys with a Z. I enjoy them so much on SNL,
they do the digital shorts, they are hilarious, they are incredible. Maybe do
yourself a favor, watch a couple if you haven't, before you listen, because we
get into the nitty gritty on Southern, nitty gritty, but you get it. I'm a huge
fan, I think they're amazing.
They actually just announced that they have a movie coming out, which is called
The Treasure of Foggy Mountain, but just go on YouTube, type in Please Don't
Destroy, and you don't even have to thank me later, just enjoy. It'll make me
happy to know, to know you're enjoying it.
Only a couple things for me to plug up top, Netflix, my special, I Am Not For
Everyone, is out now. Please check it out, it's my favorite special that I've
ever done, and I'm relying a lot on word of mouth to get the word out. So, like
it, share it, it means a lot. I worked really hard on it. Just kind of a sad, I
worked really hard on it.
Also, I'm on tour, PeteHolmes.com, Chicago's coming up, DC sold out, thank you.
A couple other things, just go to PeteHolmes.com. I'm probably coming to a city
near you, and I hope you can be there. It means a lot.
This episode is brought to us by a new Pete's Pick, which I'm very excited
about, which is Armra. Armra. You guys know I'm always on the lookout for ways
to strengthen immunity, improve my gut health, improve my fitness, my
metabolism, enhance my hair, my skin, the radiance, the overall radiance, we'll
call it.
Well, I recently discovered an incredible product called Armra Colostrum. Colostrum
is, what is it? What is that? It's the first nutrition we receive in life. Ever
heard of it? And contains all of the essential nutrients our bodies need in
order to thrive.
Armra Colostrum is a proprietary concentrate of bovine colostrum that harnesses
over 400 living bioactive nutrients that rebuilds the barriers of your body and
fuels cellular health, and the benefits are crazy.
Imagine harnessing the power of the first nutrition you receive as a human. You
reactivate hair growth and gives you that glowing skin, fortifies gut health,
igniting metabolism. How do you give your metabolism a kick in the butt? Armra,
boom.
Armra fuels fitness performance and recovery. I'm 44. I work out. My body aches
and pains. That's one of the first things I noticed when I started taking Armra
is a faster regeneration process.
So, support your body. Support the show. We've worked out a special offer for
weirdos. Receive 15% off your first order. Go to tryarmra.com slash weird or
enter weird at checkout to get 15% off your first order.
That's T-R-Y-A-R-M-R-A, armra.com slash weird.
We're also brought to us by our friends,
a new Pete's Pick, which I use every single day.
Actually, I use it more than once a day.
I listen to Brain FM when I am working,
when I am answering emails.
I've also come to start to listen.
That's a weird sentence.
I've come to start to listen to it in the car
when I just want my thoughts to be fueled
by interesting music that doesn't disrupt my flow
and allows me to daydream and think.
And I do a lot of my best thinking in the car.
So I've started using it in the car as well.
What is it?
Brain FM on the surface seems like an app
that gives you the perfect background music
for creative work, study, reading, meditation,
relaxation, and sleep.
And that is true, but it is much more than that.
Brain FM's composers work hard
to create amazing sounding music
that doesn't distract
and uses their patented audio technology
to boost your mental states on demand.
What does that mean?
That means Brain FM scientists,
Brain.FM's scientists,
and composers add patterns to their music
that change the patterns in your brain,
creating increased blood flow
and electrical activity in the brain
and increasing focus in as little as five minutes.
I swear by this, guys.
I throw on these very headphones,
open up Brain FM,
go to Creative Flow,
and drop in like that.
It's a cue to my brain
and it gives it that
that I need to drop in
and get work done.
Regular music is designed to be distracting
where you're constantly having to go back
and skip a song,
change a thing,
words,
suddenly there's a trumpet.
Get the fuck out of here, trumpet.
Or somebody does a poem
in the middle of the song.
It's so nice to take the guesswork out of it
and know whatever you're trying to do,
fall asleep,
meditate,
relax,
unwind,
or focus and create.
Brain.FM has got you covered
and it's science-backed.
They have the research to back their claims
through close collaboration with neuroscientists
and a wide variety of field experiments and testing.
So,
go to Brain.FM slash weird
and you will get 30% off one year of Brain.FM
and start getting more done
with less effort
and unlock your best self on demand.
Experience the difference
that the right music can make in your life.
That's Brain.FM slash weird
30% off.
Alright guys,
enjoy.
Please don't destroy.
Get into it.
Holy fucking shit,
we got some Pete's pics.
Holy fucking shit.
Holy fucking shit,
we got some Pete's pics.
Holy fucking shit.
We got ourselves some Pete's pics.
What are you rocking with these days, eh?
Liquid death.
Well, that's not a Pete's pic.
That's not a sponsor.
They are not paying.
Bleep that.
Sorry.
Bleep that.
In fact,
Bury It Alive,
not very good.
Not a sponsor.
I enjoy.
Why are you promoting it?
You have label out.
I know.
Like MTV Cribb style.
There's no way to do it.
There you go.
Salted Life is my favorite water.
Okay.
Okay.
Magic Mind,
you boys should drink these.
Yeah,
you're SNL fucks.
Just do what everyone tells you to do.
Oh fuck.
Drink it.
Shake it.
We're recording.
Shut the fuck up.
Plus one.
I told you, dude.
Plus one.
Plus one.
Sorry.
I've been watching your vids all morn.
Oh.
And I'm in the mood for nude, guys.
You should have shook it more.
Oh my God.
There's adaptogens in this.
Oh.
Are you being fucking a bitch?
Dude,
there's adaptogens.
You fucking being a bitch.
I didn't shake.
I've never been so familiar right off the bat.
Just really going at you guys.
Well,
guess what?
No,
you would ask for,
for full real.
Like even if we weren't recording,
I would tell you,
I'm going to give you some.
For writing,
it's the best.
This?
Yeah.
This is awesome.
What am I drinking?
Neutrophics,
matcha,
a little bit of caffeine,
like about as much caffeine as half a cup of coffee.
And adaptogens,
which do calm you down.
Wow.
It's like an upper and a,
and a downer at the same time.
So it keeps you calm.
I just took drugs.
You gave us so much Adderall.
So is that going to happen?
It's a little bit like Adderall.
Okay,
good.
All right.
Good.
And we have similar hair.
We all kind of have similar hair.
You guys all have like hair.
You should use modern mammals.
These are just commercials.
This is fun.
I'm loving this.
Okay.
Start.
Begin.
Press record.
Press record.
That's all in there.
Good.
Okay.
Let's do names.
John.
Ben.
Martin.
John.
Ben.
Martin.
It's like zip zap.
John.
Ben.
Martin.
Well,
I said off he cam.
I was like,
it's not a big part of the please don't destroy branding to really drill.
Hey,
I'm John.
It's true.
Yeah.
The group is bigger than our individual names or our group name.
No,
please do not destroy.
Please do not destroy.
Do not disturb.
We want that one that we get all the time.
Do not disturb.
We had.
Aubrey Plaza.
The first time we came to LA.
She called it.
Do not disturb.
Mikey day was like,
yeah,
those do not disturb guys are funny.
Back to back name drops.
I liked it.
Wait,
what was the first one?
I didn't catch it.
Mikey.
Mikey day.
Mikey day.
MC coming in hot.
Mikey day.
Sorry.
This is going to be a good pod.
This is going to be a good pod.
Second pod ever.
That we've ever done.
Is it true?
Yep.
Yeah.
You guys have minimum web pres.
Yeah.
We don't do that shit.
Please don't destroy web pres.
Wait,
we have so many videos online.
No,
I know that's a severe web pres,
but not as people.
I got to be real.
Like it's a,
I hope it's a supreme compliment that like I've been watching your videos,
which I watch as they come out as well.
But like,
I've never like binged like 20,
not really,
you know,
10 in a row.
And it just made me like love comedy.
I'm like so happy to see you.
That's so sweet.
So happy to be riffing.
And I'm not usually this,
you know,
slapping.
Good.
It's watching the tone of it is so fun.
That's all I'm trying to say.
Thank you.
That's so sweet.
We genuinely have all,
been listening to your podcast for maybe like 10 years.
Shut up.
Yeah.
It's like,
we reference it in conversation,
like deep episodes.
No.
Yeah,
we really do.
This is a joy.
Yeah.
This is a joy.
What fun.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
That is,
was it like your comedy?
Yeah.
You're young.
10 years.
Well,
you're so much older than us.
That we,
we look back.
We were kids.
We cut back and I'm a skeleton.
And then cuts back and we never address it.
And the rest of the interview,
you don't even notice.
You don't address that I'm dead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And there's cobwebs in my jaw.
Like how long has he been?
And we're answering as if you're asking questions.
Yes.
Oh,
that's interesting.
We just take his audio out.
We just leave ours in.
But you,
how old,
10 years ago you were how old?
18.
I was.
18.
17.
17.
Martin?
15.
15.
Did you start 10 years ago?
Let me get this jacket off.
Oh my God.
Let me get this jacket off real quick.
It's as if you haven't spoken to anyone in months.
Yeah.
He's so excited.
It is.
I was touring for a while
and I was starting to lose my nude.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Lose my noodle.
What markets did you hit up?
B markets?
No.
You guys into those B markets?
You guys fucking up those B markets
where you can't quite move tickets?
You guys,
you guys been humiliated in St. Louis yet?
We just did St. Louis.
We just did the shit.
It was a great show.
Okay.
I guess the web pres is a little bit stronger
than you thought.
A little bit higher than I thought.
Yeah.
You did St. Louis.
We did.
So you're doing a live tour.
We did.
We,
this is basically the end of it.
Martin only.
Tell me about the live tour.
Marty.
Marty.
We did a podcast yesterday
and I said maybe 15 words.
I'm not on this one, baby boy.
No.
He's about to talk.
I'm finding Moses in the river, man.
I'm pulling you out
and nursing you to help.
Yeah.
Getting some LOLs from the plus one.
Getting some sweet LOLs.
Brady laugh on the board.
Brady laugh on the board.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
We've been touring around since like July.
And what does that look like?
What does it look like to the show?
Let me help you.
Let me help you.
Ram Dass.
As soon as I died,
he's who I looked for first.
I was like,
I'm dead.
Not my grandparents.
I'm like,
where's Richard Alpert?
I'm dead.
We can finally be on the same plane again.
You go up and perform your sketches live.
You show videos.
I'm really curious what the show looks like.
Yeah.
It's like live sketches.
We don't really do props.
We're all wearing Adidas track suits.
Yep.
And yeah,
we started doing sketches live
before we did the videos.
Are they sketches we've seen on SNL?
Are they new stuff?
No.
New stuff.
Did you write this for the tour?
That would be cool
if our show was covers of videos.
I actually would have zero problem with that.
My dad said that we should do it,
but it's a,
it's a topic of con.
Yeah.
Yes,
please.
Thank you,
Katie.
Oh,
there you go.
Thank you.
There you go.
It's weird.
It's not branded in some way.
Yeah.
Could you sip it and say magic mind hits the spot?
Yep.
Even though it's coffee.
Was that what we drank?
Yeah,
you drank magic mind.
It's too high.
Yeah,
it's too high.
Let it,
let it rock that with the lid off.
I'm just saying.
Thank you.
I don't,
it's interesting.
Let's talk a little bit about that
because your