Name: OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES CYBORG | BAT-CANNED
Uploaded: 2023-11-24T21:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES CYBORG | BAT-CANNED' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES CYBORG | BAT-CANNED' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-24. Transcript available.

That's on Vertic One, C-Mark.
Can you just fire me already?
Google Play. I would never fire you.
In fact, all foolishness aside, this represents foolishness.
For continuity, I won't do that, Rick.
I'm a superhero. I'm not tech support.
But you are supported by tech.
There's a rumor that your ding-dong is just a dish network satellite.
Who said that?
If I'm being real, that was right off the dome.
Blame it on Alfred. Who said that, Alfred?
Who said that?
Alfred.
Well, no, I said it to Alfred.
Wouldn't it be great if Cyborg's ding-dong was three or four D batteries?
He said, "Very good, sir."
And he said, "Very good, sir."
I don't...
Or if your dick was at 12 volt.
It...
Oh, yeah.
And when the smoke detector's out, we break off a piece of your dick.
Everything's fine.
Is this why you brought me here?
Man, I'm totally...
Just imagine which different machines my dick could be.
You like that?
No, I cannot help you get a CD onto your iPhone.
I'm not your grandson.
Okay, how about an album that's in my Dropbox?
Get it on my iPhone as a playable album.
I can only play it in the Dropbox app, and I'm going back in, I'm driving, and
I'm going in and selecting a new song every three minutes.
That's not safe.
Help!
Help!
You can finally do something!
Look...
Sorry, let's take a peek at the script.
I don't know...
But then...
When my girlfriend died by the hand of Two-Face, 'cause he confused me with a
riddle...
Wrong one!
Sorry for your loss.
Actually, it was Joker.
Joker confused me with a riddle.
Let me do it again.
And let's say, when she died, you felt kind of weird about looking at pictures
of her titties.
Yeah?
But now enough time has passed, and you'd really like to see those titties
again.
And you've tried.
Hear me out.
You tried to make do with her autopsy photos.
What?
You sure you want to go with that choice?
Oh, yeah.
Also, I'm starting to cry.
You want me to help you find your dead girlfriend's photos?
So that you can BAT-sturbate?
I'll pay you in some of the above-the-waist ones.
Oh, no!
That's a horrible deal for me, whether I was a creep or not.
Yeah, I'm quitting.
I'm not your Gen Z nephew here to teach you about TikTok.
I'm a human being.
Are you sure?
'Cause you look like somebody got covered in honey and rolled through a Radio
Shack.
Don't stand still at a yard sale.
Pieces of you will fly for 15 cents.
Why did that feel too mean?
You can't Command-Q the Justice League.
I Command-F you.
Oh, Command-F you.
You want to find something?
I call you out that my riff doesn't work?
You're having a hard time understanding me.
Let me put this in ways you can understand.
I speak AOL.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.