Name: Glenn Howerton | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2023-12-06T15:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Glenn Howerton | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Glenn Howerton | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-06. Transcript available.

Glenn Howerton | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

You made it weird. You made it weird. You made it weird. Oh yeah. You made it
weird. Yes you did. You made it weird. Oh yeah. You made it weird. With Pete
Holmes. Yes you did. You made it weird. Oh yeah.
What's happening weirdos? I am in Canada and I'm freezing. It's very very cold
here but also the heat in my apartment is not working. So I'm recording this
fully clothed and in bed with all the blankets on me. Little update. It's also
why I had to move reschedule my Chicago dates which was a bummer.
Those shows sold out which meant so much to me. Thank you to everybody that got
tickets. We're looking to announce the date later today. So we'll have the new
date today but I do apologize that I had to move that.
The schedule here on the movie shifted around and there was nothing I could do
and I'm also very cold if that makes makes you feel any sympathy for me.
I also have other dates coming up. Not too many but I'll be in Tempe, Arizona
for New Year's. If you're in Arizona come hang out with me on December 30th and
31st and then January 5th and 6th I'll be in Brea, California at the Brea Improv.
This episode, boy, I just started blabbing about myself. What episode is this?
This is Glenn Howerton, Always Sunny, Blackberry, which we talk a lot about.
If you haven't seen the movie Blackberry, I gush about it in this episode and
that is all completely legit.
I've seen it two or three times now. I'm blown away by him, by Jay, Jay Bereshaw.
The performances in the movie are incredible. The director is incredible. We
talk a lot about him as well.
But check that movie out. It's awesome. Really, really, really love that movie
and obviously love Sonny and love everything that he does.
So this is one of those Did We Just Become Best Friends episodes. I love it. I'm
so glad you're here. Just a couple things to plug up top.
My Netflix special, I Am Not for Everyone, is on right now. My YouTube channel
is going to be shifting.
So if you want to keep watching this podcast on YouTube and seeing that I cut
my hair for a movie, for example, it's going to be You Made It Weird on YouTube.
We're slowly shifting that over. I think this one will still be on Pete Holmes.
But in the new year, we're going to shift over. So You Made It Weird will be
its own channel.
So be sure to subscribe to that. We're going to start uploading some old
episodes to that so you can find it.
And please subscribe to that. And if you like the show, why not try, you know
this by now, why not try a Pete's Pick?
This show is brought to us by one of our oldest Pete's Picks, which is Alpha
Brain from our friends at Onnit.
Obviously, I'm doing this movie right now. Alpha Brain, Alpha Brain, Alpha
Brain.
I have it in my pockets. I tell cast members about it because I need to learn
lines.
I need to stay sharp. I need to stay focused. I need to be able to concentrate.
I also need to be able to just, as I can't talk, talk to people.
Talk, relate, connect, access my vocabulary, access my verbal centers.
Alpha Brain is like fish food for your ideas, for your cognition, for your
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It is not a stimulant. It's not like caffeine. It doesn't get you all jacked up.
It just gives you earth-grown ingredients that you need to function at your
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It's brain stuff. It's a nootropic. It's like a brain.
It's like a brain.
It helps with memory, focus, concentration.
I wish I knew about it in college. I'm so glad I know about it now.
Absolute game changer.
I haven't done a podcast, a stand-up show, acted in anything, or just gone out
to dinner
without taking a couple of Alpha Brain 15, 20 minutes prior,
and you absolutely notice the difference.
Go to onnit.com slash weird for 10% off and support the show.
Support your brain.
Onnit, O-N-N-I-T dot com slash weird.
We're also brought to us by our friends at Blue Land.
Did you know we're eating and drinking roughly a credit card's worth of plastic
a week?
That's correct.
The products we're using every day are ultimately contaminating our water
supply,
generating hundreds of microplastics that we end up ingesting.
Luckily, our friends at Blue Land set out to do something about it
to eliminate the need for single-use plastics in the products we use the most,
like hand soap.
Did you know that an estimated 5 billion plastic hand soap and cleaning bottles
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If that's not bad enough, most cleaning formulas are 90% water,
which is heavy to ship, leading to excessive carbon emissions,
not to mention the nasty ingredients in them like chlorine and ammonia.
But Blue Land is reinventing cleaning essentials for a better you and a better
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We have their hand soaps in all of our bathrooms.
It looks great.
And you put the tab in and you add the water and it fizzes up and turns into a
foaming hand soap.
Looks great, works great, and you're doing something good for your body, for
the planet.
It's awesome.
Help just fill the bottles with water, as I mentioned, dropping the tablets
and the hand soap, toilet bowl cleaner, laundry tablets, all with clean
ingredients you can feel good about.
And you subscribe so you don't run out.
I'm always running out and forgetting before I had Blue Land.
So I recommend their Clean Essentials Kit, which has everything you need to get
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Blue Land has an offer just for weirdos.
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For 15% off your first order, go to blueland.com slash YMIW.
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That's blueland.com slash YMIW.
All right, everybody, enjoy.
Glenn Howerton, I'll be here.
Very cold.
Get into it.
You know what I love is water.
You got it, dude.
If you got that.
I thought thirst was a sign of weakness.
Oh, shit.
Your boy's dehydrated.
We only have bury it alive by liquid death.
What is that?
It's sparkling and it has a light.
It's like LaCroix.
Great.
Is that okay?
Yeah.
If you don't mind me burping throughout the podcast.
You know, I was just in a, like, I was just in San Francisco.
Oh, it's flavored.
Yeah.
Yeah, I said like LaCroix.
Oh, Christ.
You don't like.
I mean, what?
I'm with you.
I'm actually with you.
Liquid Death was a sponsor.
They're not a sponsor anymore.
So, like, I can speak freely and say I don't like their flavors.
You know what else I don't like?
Is that, like, I do fasting and this has 20 calories in it.
Yeah, that's no good.
You can't fast on that.
What the fuck are you doing?
Yeah, no, you can't.
Like, why are you ruining, we know you can do it with no calories.
That's right.
So, why are you making this a 20 calorie nightmare?
Well, maybe they don't want to, maybe they don't want to put, like, the fake
flavorings in it or the fake, like, sweeteners in it.
I hear you, but Spindrift, also not a sponsor.
Totally.
Like, five ounce, like, one ounce of raspberry juice is, why did we bring
science into it?
I, why, I don't, we shouldn't have.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Let's recreate raspberries.
Do you know what's an easy way to recreate a raspberry?
Grow a raspberry.
That's right, yeah.
And squish it.
I was so, when Spindrift came out, I was so happy about it because that's
exactly what I would want.
Me too.
In a flavored carbonated beverage.
It's weird that I have very strong feelings about this as well.
I have very strong feelings about this.
I just want you to know you're in a safe space.
Yeah, okay, good, good, good.
Like, I feel really.
Well, then why do you even have this?
Because they gave it to us for free.
Oh, because you had a bunch of it.
And I feel embarrassed.
We're running low and we're going into the non-sponsor.
If you want to support the show, don't buy Liquid Death.
Buy some modern mammals, some magic miners, some first person.
Don't buy Liquid Death.
Now, does this stuff work?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah?
It does?
I love it.
It makes your brain on fire?
Yeah, shake it up and take it.
We'll have a better chat.
Well, now, wait a minute.
You want me for Shake It?
I've already had some nootropics.
Oh, you did?
This might be nootropics on top of nootropics.
Because I take nootropics on top of nootropics.
I take alpha brain and I take magic mine.
Oh, you do?
And I think they're different kinds.
I've tried them all.
You're so polite.
You keep letting me interrupt you.
It's really...
Oh, I don't care.
I love...
It's your show.
No, I know, but you're the guest.
But I'm noticing already heightened empathy, heightened...
I'm just complimenting.
It's like...
Interesting.
I feel an authority and I feel like you're present.
And you're here and you're powerful.
But I also see like a...
What?
What are you...
Nootropics?
Like, it's very cool.
Already.
I would much prefer to listen to you talk than talk myself.
I mean, I am definitely of that...
Like, I hate talking.
I don't want to talk about myself.
I want to hear more about you.
You're only going to get in...
Not trouble, but like, you're only going to find yourself in a story with no
ending.
Yeah, exactly.
Like looking for the bathroom in a restaurant.
Also, like, I know about me.
I don't know about you.
So you want to know about me and I want to know about you.
Yeah, I like that.
I...
This is going to sound kind of whatever, however it sounds.
I want to know about us.
This is a recording of us.
Okay.
So don't feel...
We don't have to plumb the depths, but this will be us.
Here we are.
Great.
In outer space.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
We're floating in outer space.
Now, if I don't hold this up to me.
You can hold it like an ice cream cone.
Okay, so I don't have to like do this the whole time.
Our last guess of doing this.
And that was fine?
I didn't love it.
Yeah, okay.
But you can do it.
But I can rest it here.
Yeah, you can rest it there.
If I like.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just making sure.
But we're temporary beings in the cosmos on this rock.
But we're here together.
It's fucking...
It's already...
I'm going to say it.
It's already art.
It just is.
It is if we decided it is.
You know what I mean?
Like a pineapple.
If you give enough meaning to a pineapple, it becomes art.
And this is just a little slice of 2023.
Yeah.
Although I do want to say I spent five minutes yesterday
trying to remember what year it was.
I was going...
I had that issue the other day too.
Really?
Yeah.
I was convinced that it was 2024.
I was too.
And I was going...
Because I remembered seeing a meme about the Ramones,
2020, 24 hours to go.
That's when it was 2020 on New Year's Eve.
It was 2020, 24 hours to go.
That's what the song's about?
No.
It's just a funny coincidence.
I was going to say.
Yeah, they were prophets.
Well, I was going to say...
You know with that hair, they should be prophets.
Yeah, sure.
I mean, 2020 back then when they made that song.
Yeah.
It was like we were definitely going to have flying cars.
Oh, yeah.
And we would definitely be on Mars already.
Blade Runner already happened.
Right.
The year that they said Blade Runner was is in the past.
Wait, what year does Blade Runner take place?
Can you give that a...
Jamie, would you pull that up?
I want to know.
I don't remember this.
That's a Joe Rogan reference.
Katie, would you please look that up?
It's important to have somebody here to back up
whatever we say because...
No, Katie is essential.
2019.
2019 was the year Blade Runner took place.
Oh, my goodness.
But we're not that far off, you know.
It goes both ways.
Well, if you go to Tokyo...
Yep.
Where you were born?
You certainly feel as though, yeah, yeah, weirdly.
Isn't that weird?
Yeah, that is weird.
But if you went to Tokyo, there's a lot happening.
I was just in San Francisco yesterday and there was a car, you know, with this...
It's not just a Tesla.
It's a manless, personless car.
Yeah.
And I