Name: OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES JOKER | BAT-CANNED
Uploaded: 2023-12-14T20:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES JOKER | BAT-CANNED' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OUTTAKES | BATMAN FIRES JOKER | BAT-CANNED' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-14. Transcript available.

I guess I shot your friend here, and he's not as fast as a speeding bullet like
the Superman.
Whoopsie days! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I apologize. I apologize. Already on page
one. I apologize.
What do I want? What do I want? What do I want? You know what I want?
What do I want? I want your little horny head on a big ol' spoke. What's the
line?
And you have none of your super friends here to save you because, uh, you fired
'em all.
So, looks like it's time to say, "Ha ha ha!"
Like a real dude.
But you know who was maniacal? The thugs who stole my sign from my sign-spinning
job.
Your side-spinner?
Ah! I'm the side-spinner.
There we go.
It's just really hard for me to hear.
It's like finding out your arch-nemesis was one of those inflatable wavy-arm
guys outside of a car dealership.
Yeah, but no. It was worse than that because they stole my-
Don't stop doing that.
That makes me-
Deals, deals, deals!
Let's stop-
But you're a clown.
Because you worked as a clown.
So you were clown clown clown clown clown clown clown clown. Bad day with a
sign-spin. Evil clown.
When I went insane, I thought I'd just stay a clown.
Yeah, because insane people are usually deeply practical.
Oh, I've forgotten everything.
So I actually killed my mom with a pillow.
Huh? With a pillow?
How'd you know that?
Because that's the lamest candy-ass way to kill somebody.
You fluffed your mother to death.
A homicidal maniac was like a buff-buff-buff. Like a 1930s mafia movie.
I dated my girlfriend for a whole six months, and then I found out she was
imaginary.
Did she go to a different school? Was she Canadian? Did you have a picture of
her in your wallet,
and then one day one of your chums looked on the back and could tell it was
from Seventeen Magazine?
"I want to be crystal clear about this. Eat shit. Eat shit in a hot dog bun.
You were the coolest."
And then you were like, "Wanna hear more about me?" And we were like, "Yeah."
And then it went, "Wee!" "Pffft." Give me that one more time.
It was ours to ruin. Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint.
Okay. You want to know how I got these scars? Then you pop up. Okay.
Like whack-a-mole and you're like, "You want to know how I got these scars? I
was making a collage and I slipped."
Someone must have just cleaned the floor because I just straight up slipped her.
Whoops!
While I was making my crazy summer collage. You fuckin' incel.
Gotham deserves better. Puns.
Oh, I have, I have other stuff. Um...
Hold on. Stop assaulting Gotham with your weak-ass subreddit dad jokes.
Okay. Go home and fade into obscurity with some dignity, tinkering away on your
Rick and Morty spec script.
Well, it's an always sunny script. And it is funny.
Oh, I bet. Let me guess. Charlie accidentally joins the Klan.
Oh. Can I have that?
No! Cause I...
Stop it!
Hey, shut up! We live in a society!
That's your great contribution. You're a meme no one gets. You're the Air McCade
Geese Pimps girl. Get the fuck out of here.
You're gonna die worse than the Air McCade Geese Pimps girl.
I...
Prefer...
Jared Leto.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, boy!
One more time.
I...
Prefer...
Jared Leto.
One more time.
One more time.
One more time.
I almost made it.
I...
I heard a giggle.
I prefer...
That's impossible!
I...
Prefer...
I'm sorry, but fuck me!
That's not possible.
I'm sorry, but...
That's not possible!
I'm Ricky Gervais!
That's fine, bro!