Name: SAMBA SCHUTTE | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2024-04-24T15:00:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'SAMBA SCHUTTE | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'SAMBA SCHUTTE | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-24. Transcript available.

SAMBA SCHUTTE | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

You made it weird. You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird. Yeah.
You made it weird. With Pete Holmes. You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made
it weird. Yeah.
What's happening, weirdos? This is Samba Shoot. Samba is incredible. He's a
comedian. He's an actor. You may know him from the incredible Max show Our Flag
Means Death.
But even if you're not familiar with him, you are about to be and you are about
to be delighted. He is incredible. Very, very, very interesting story. And I'm
glad you guys are here to check it out.
Not much to say here up top. Go to PeteHolmes.com for tour dates. I added a
sixth show in Chicago. Late show on Thursday. We're also going to be in Texas
and Pennsylvania. All of those are on PeteHolmes.com.
And as I've been plugging, May the 4th here in Los Angeles for the Netflix is a
joke fest. All of those tickets are on PeteHolmes.com. Hope to see you out. And
in the meantime, enjoy the incredible Samba Shoot. I'm so glad you're here. Let's
enjoy. Together. Get into it.
You brought Ethiopian honey wine? At least show it off. Sit and show us the
bottle. Show us your gift that won't be enjoyed.
I'll go back in my fridge. Now let me see. It's a mead. You know, you tell me
Ethiopian honey wine. But I believe that this is where we get the term
honeymoon.
Because honey liquor was given to the bride and groom on their wedding night.
Are you serious? I believe so. So you gave me a bottle of wine that I won't use
or enjoy. And I gave you a piece of knowledge that you won't use or enjoy.
What a beautiful exchange. I can go back home and tell it to my wife. Let's
enjoy this honey wine.
And I can tell my wife Samba gave us some wine. You know, Val might enjoy it.
Does she drink? Yeah, she drinks. She's got a problem.
No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. No, then I'll give it to her.
She would love it. Yeah. So yes. I'm sorry that your wedding night is already
passed.
Fuck! I'm sorry. You can't enjoy it. But no. My pleasure.
Dude, it's over. Our wedding.
How was your wedding? You're a married mother.
I'm a married motherfucker. Been married for... You know, one of those married
motherfuckers.
Two married dudes trying to make it cool.
I got married in 2015, eight years ago, in a park in Beverly Hills. We didn't
have money to have a big ceremony.
Oh, wow. So you know that park?
You squatted in the park?
We squatted in the park. You're not allowed to have chairs. So we found a way
around the rules.
We bought...
Wait, you did it like a quinceanera?
No, we bought pillows from Ikea. Like, there was only like 30 guests, like all
my wife's family, because my family's all like...
Sure.
...around the world. They were FaceTiming.
By the way, no disrespect to quinceanera gamers.
No, they know how to fight. What I'm saying is, you figured out what's allowed,
and you did the max.
Absolutely. We bought like 30 pillows from Ikea, put them on the floor.
Pillows allowed?
Pillows are allowed. Returned the pillows once the wedding was over.
Take that.
Yeah.
Take that. There's some wedding friends.
And it was the park where George Michael got busted in the bathroom.
Wow.
Yeah, so it was a nice memorable...
So you're the second most famous thing that's happened.
Yeah.
So that park is in England?
Beverly Hills.
Oh, no.
Right across the Beverly Hills Hotel.
Why did I think that happened in England?
I didn't think George Michael did his wackadoos over here.
No, it was Beverly Hills. It was a nice bathroom.
Nice park, nice bathroom. I don't blame him.
I mean, sometimes you see a great bathroom.
Yeah.
How do you make fun of this?
You can't.
You know what I mean?
You know, he's passed away.
It's tricky.
He's gone.
Did he die?
Yeah.
I didn't know George Michael died.
Oh, my God.
When did he die?
Last Christmas.
I gave you my heart.
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
It was just there.
It was right there.
And you did a very good.
No, thank you.
I didn't know he passed away.
Yeah.
What's that?
Wham.
Come on.
Come on.
It's just morning radio.
I know.
It's just like, wham, wham.
Nobody's waking him up before he goes,
traffic on the one hand.
Let's talk to the flea.
It's the same guy, just doing an offensive voice.
I don't know if that's okay.
Yeah.
Good to see you.
So you got married in the same park, Michael?
George Michael.
George Michael.
Not Michael Jackson.
George Michael Jackson.
George Michael Jackson, Jr.
Got busted in the bathroom.
Don't say busted.
Well, maybe he did.
What was he arrested for?
Sex.
Sex or blowjobbing or something in the public that's not allowed in public in
California.
Even here?
Surprisingly so.
This is America.
I know.
In California, too.
Yeah.
I just found that out.
I was talking to somebody.
So you're a dad now.
Yeah.
Yes.
And my daughter and I were in the park.
Not that park.
A different park.
And Lila's friend, Nico, brought a baseball and a bat, a little foam bat.
And they played.
And, you know, I'm that dad.
I love it.
I get everybody.
We got fielders going.
It was awesome.
I got to feel athletic and slow, low pitching.
Slow, low.
Kids are getting hits.
It was amazing.
Yeah.
And then after about 40 minutes, and in my opinion, we were really just finding
our groove.
Lila got two great hits, by the way.
Nico, whose bat it was, every time he was at bat, he's whacking it all the way
into the
playground.
Okay.
It's awesome.
These are like five-year-old kids.
Yeah.
It's pretty fun.
Nice.
Then at some point, Nico goes, I don't want to play anymore.
But he doesn't go, you guys, you seem to be having a fun time.
Kids don't do that.
No.
Kids don't go like, clearly, you're having fun.
Yeah.
I know it's my bat, but what am I going to do with it?
No.
Just put it over there.
I'm not going to ruin it for you.
I'm not going to ruin it for you.
You keep playing.
And he took it and everybody was just, including me, we were just kind of like,
well, that's
his choice.
And I was like, it's funny how quickly that starts.
From that very, in my opinion, Western capitalist kind of idea, my bat,
ownership being nine-tenths
of the law.
Yeah.
And possession being nine-tenths of the law.
It's mine.
Right.
I think from that, it's not that far down from that agreed upon belief to, if
you're in my
house, I can shoot you.
Right.
I think it's the same thing.
Yeah.
It's like, my bat, my ball, I can leave.
Yeah.
My house, my driveway, I can shoot you.
Yeah.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah.
And what brought that to mind was, even in California, we have, and it's called
the castle
law.
Get out of here.
Which is like, king of the castle.
Someone's in your house, you can shoot them.
Really?
Yeah, and I, somebody was like, yeah, it's a big California thing.
I was like, for some reason, no disrespect to New York, I thought there was
like a New
York thing, like, oh, get the fuck out of here.
Get out of my property.
But New York's like, hey, man, get the fuck out of here, man.
We'll fucking blow your head off, man.
And I will.
I won't serve a day, man.
It's Jeff Fridges.
It's called, that's Jeff Fridges.
Oh, it's Jeff Fridges.
All right.
It's not good when you have to tell a person.
No, I mean.
Hey, man.
I'm not, I'm just.
It was the concept.
I'm not from here.
That's my excuse for things I don't know.
I don't understand.
Ethiopia.
We grew up there.
I didn't know George Michael was dead, so it was my excuse.
No, that's not.
Can I claim Ethiopia?
You can now.
Can I just be like, sorry, guys?
Just be like, it's my 9th possession now I know where you're from.
Take it.
I don't know it was called the castle law.
That's such a weird law.
You can tell just some, like, rock-hard senators.
Like, they had erections.
Yeah.
They're like, let's be royal.
Let's be royal.
Let's be royal.
It's your castle.
It's your castle.
Anyway, so you are from, from Ethiopia?
No, no.
Grew up, grew up in Ethiopia.
Oh, okay, from, from?
From, from Mauritania.
Okay.
Which is, no one knows where it is.
Don't blame them.
Yeah.
Sahara Desert.
Katie and I were just talking about Mauritania, and we didn't even know how to
say it.
No.
And now I'm just acting.
Did you notice how quickly I rolled with it?
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, Katie and I were just talking about Mauritania.
We were just in Mauritania.
Mauritania.
We were researching it.
Yeah.
People, really powerful, and they speak Farcey.
Yeah.
No, French.
French.
French and their local languages, which is Pular and the Arabic variation,
which is Hasanya.
But the French took over the desert.
Hasanya sounds delicious.
It does.
It's like some Hasanya.
Like certain languages sound more delicious than others.
They do.
They do.
English?
It's not a surprise that English food is not good.
No, it's like flavorless.
Portuguese.
Urdu.
Urdu.
Urdu.
Swahili.
Yeah.
Mexicano.
It's so good.
I said it a little too stereotypical, but I just meant like Mexicano, but it
kind of came
out like Speedy Gonzales, and I didn't mean that.
That was the flavor in your mouth.
That was the flavor in your mouth.
That was the flavor in your mouth.
Mauritania.
Mauritania.
Sounds like decent food.
Yeah.
I mean, it's by the sea, so it's a lot of fish.
Oh, okay.
It's a huge desert, just Sahara Desert, just sand everywhere, even the roads.
Like we have paved roads, but the sidewalks are just sand.
Sandwalks.
You got sandwalks over there?
We got sandwalks in Mauritania.
So that's where I was born.
Mother's from there.
We were on the sidewalk.
Should I be able to trace our steps?
People can follow you home in Mauritania if you walk on the sidewalk.
You'll know if a horse was near Mauritania.
Mauritania.
Mauritania.
Was there a snake or was that a stick?
You don't know.
No, you don't know.
There's going to be trails in the sand.
So the Chinese came over there and really developed it.
So now China is taking over Africa because they're making great deals for the
resources,
and so in exchange, they're giving infrastructure.
So a lot of African countries that are very poor now have five-lane highways,
but no cars to fill them up.
And that's Mauritania.
It's like wide-ass roads, traffic lights that no one respects because why?
Why?
One dingus in Mauritania at a four-way intersection, no one is there.
No.
It's like, I'm not going to break the law.
Cell phone stuff, like the battery stuff, is it like that?
They have a lot of, yeah, cell phone deals stuff now.
So, yeah, I still have family members who do not have internet, which is really
interesting in this day and age.
But, yeah, no, a lot of cell phones now, like becoming very modern, whereas the
country itself-
Because of this Chinese-
Yeah.
Wow.
Influence, yeah.
It's not just global happenings that I'm ignorant to.
Katie will tell you, I don't know what's happening here.
So don't feel like you're talking to a typical American who doesn't know about
the Chinese-
No, no, no.
Influence infrastructure in most of Africa due to resources.
But that's really interesting.
Yeah.
But the people aren't coming up with the infrastructure?
Not that you have to be the spokesperson, by the way.
I'm the Mauritania's ambassador.
But, I mean, you're saying there aren't people using this stuff, but is the
whole economy not kind of doing better?
The economy is-
For the people?
Not for the people.
The people in power have the money, and it's not filtering down to the rest of
the people, which is a shame.
Yeah.
And that's, unfortunately, a lot of the story in Africa.
It's like in Zimbabwe, you see that, in different developing countries, it's
like the money goes to the people who make the deals, and it doesn't filter
down to the population.
Right.
Which is kind of like America, in a way.
I was just going to say, but didn't it used to help me?
I don't know.
Because America certainly has a lot of that, but not full corruption.
That seems like full corruption.
Right.
Don't we still kind of-
Now we're just two guys talking.
You don't have to be the representative-
No, I'm the representative.
That explains this to me.
I'm the expert.
But it seem