Name: Phil Rosenthal | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2024-06-05T15:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Phil Rosenthal | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Phil Rosenthal | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-05. Transcript available.

Phil Rosenthal | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

You made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, yeah.
You made it weird, with Pete Holmes.
Yes you did, you made it weird, yeah.
What's happening weirdos?
If you haven't watched Somebody Feed Phil on Netflix, I don't know what you're
waiting for.
It's fantastic and it stars our guest today.
The return of Phil Rosenthal, who is a living delight, a joy, the manifestation
of gratitude and silliness and talent and I love him.
He's incredible and I'm so glad he's here.
For those of you that don't know Phil, other than Somebody Feed Phil, he's also
incredible.
The creator of Everybody Loves Raymond with Ray Romano and we talk a lot about
writing as well as eating.
And other wonderful things, I'm so glad you're here.
Not too much to plug for me up top, PeteHolmes.com for my tour dates.
I'm going to be outside of Philly and also I'm coming to Houston, Texas, very
soon.
So go to PeteHolmes.com for those, also we'll be adding more dates.
So whenever you hear this, go to PeteHolmes.com and thank you to everybody who
came out to Largo this month, it was so fun.
We had Otsko, we had Judd Apatow, Emily Catalano.
It was just Madison Cunningham, played music, Grammy Award winning, Madison Cunningham.
It was an awesome show.
So thank you to everybody that came to that.
That's once a month as well.
Go to Largo-LA.com for tickets to PeteHolmes Living at Largo.
There will be another one next month as well.
So PeteHolmes.com, that's it.
Let's get into it.
Let's enjoy.
I'm so glad you're here.
I already said let's get into it.
Let's say it again.
Let's get into it.
Phil is catching me not being a student of comedy.
And we also had a very funny talk about how people don't like the sounds of
eating.
So he's being very careful about eating.
No, be you.
I'm changing the name of this podcast to You Made It Self-conscious.
Somebody fed Phil is a good epitaph.
But look at all the nice things in there.
You would like this.
In fact, I give you half.
I'm okay.
Oh, today's your day where you don't eat.
Yeah.
So you're having a green juice.
I'm having a...
Yeah, but nobody likes to talk about this.
There are certain things...
Food is so personal.
You know what I mean?
And yet universal.
Yes.
But when you get into like restrictions or...
You know what I'm saying?
Like somebody...
Even as simple as I'm not eating today.
Mm-hmm.
People take that personal.
I can see people not...
Let's put it this way.
Seinfeld.
Did you do Comedians in Cars?
No.
Why not?
Because I'm not a comedian.
Oh.
I think it's because of that full-page ad campaign that CBS did.
Remember?
I don't.
Seinfeld was canceled.
What?
Not canceled.
Ended.
Okay.
And?
We weren't canceled.
We canceled it.
It was a self-cancel.
It's like calling a suicide a murder.
We weren't canceled.
We pulled the trigger.
Us too.
Well, you guys self-canceled.
We did.
Yeah.
But when Seinfeld self-canceled, Ray was in the New York Times, I believe, full-page
ad,
and it said, hey, looking for something, hey, Seinfeld fans, essentially, are
you looking for something to do?
Why not come over to CBS?
I do not remember that, but I have to say, hearing it now, it's only a
compliment.
I agree.
Yours is just a fun theory, by the way.
I have no insight into intel.
I'm basing this on zero, and it is a compliment.
But maybe, maybe, you know, that ad, the unconscious quality of that ad is, we're
friendly rivals.
So maybe Seinfeld's like, I'm not having the other guy with the hair that did
the thing in the kitchen while I was doing my thing in the kitchen.
And Ray's like, it was a different thing.
And he's like, it was the same thing.
We were Jewish, you were Italian.
Jews with better food.
Don't do bits.
I do bits.
Ray actually wanted the show originally to be more like Seinfeld, meaning he
actually asked me if there had to be a story every week.
Couldn't we just sit in the diner and talk about stuff?
I said, first of all, there is that show.
And second, I'm the complete wrong guy to write that show.
That's so funny.
Yeah.
I need a story.
I grew up on story shows.
What if it's about zilch?
Like, he thinks that saves it.
It's a show about nada.
No, Ray, they did that.
So maybe there's a friendly, from petition.
What was I going to say?
I would have loved to see what you ate on that show.
Which one?
No, comedians in cars.
There was a reason I brought it up, but it wasn't bad.
So I went to, I was very good friends with George Shapiro.
Did you ever meet George?
You're a George Shapiro type.
Aw.
Compliment.
He was the sweetest.
Superman.
So for people who don't know, he was Jerry's manager.
Yeah.
And an executive producer on the TV series.
He was also, before that, and I think this is how Jerry learned of him, he was
Andy Kaufman's manager.
Wow.
Oh yeah, played by Daniel DeVito in Man on the Moon.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And I think George has a little part in the movie as well.
Yeah, a little cameo.
George said to me one day that Jerry sometimes has his friends come and watch
him in Vegas and go to dinner.
And then the next day they get you a hotel room.
And the next day he rents out a movie theater in Las Vegas and we see a movie.
And I'm like, this sounds like heaven.
Yeah.
Of course I want to go.
Yeah.
So we go.
And Jerry likes this restaurant, The Palm.
I think it's in Caesar's Palace.
Uh-huh.
And my first thought was, oh, let me pick the restaurant.
Oh no, Jerry likes The Palm.
And he has a room in the back.
What year is this?
Oh.
Had to be...
Around Raymond times?
15 years ago, I think.
Okay.
I think it was after Raymond.
AR?
AR, yes.
This was 20...
That's a snowball.
AR.
So we go.
I think George Wallace is there.
I think another comedian, the guy who opened for him, is there.
Mario Joyner, I believe.
Yeah, I was going to say probably Mario.
Maybe one other guy and George and me.
And the menus come and I say, anybody want to split something to start?
And Jerry goes, what do you mean?
And I go, you know, share like an appetizer.
He goes, what do you mean share?
And I'm like, wait a minute.
You've never...
You've never shared?
...done this?
And he hasn't.
And he goes, what would it be?
And I'm like, well...
This is the first time I've ever told anyone this.
There's a...
What?
There's a shrimp cocktail on the menu.
We could each have a shrimp.
There's, look, one, two, three, four, five, six.
Look, there's six shrimps come in the big...
Oh, I would have a shrimp.
Okay.
And we get it.
You share.
Yeah.
And it comes and he actually goes, I like this.
Like, I like this idea of sharing things.
I'm like, what world am I in?
Yes.
I wish you could see your face.
Yes.
Yes.
That was my face.
I couldn't believe it.
This is like the Seth Rogen story where Tom Cruise didn't know there was
pornography on the internet.
That's a real story, apparently.
That Tom Cruise was like, what?
Well, I have to tell you, I showed Tom Cruise the porn.
Phil has different appetites.
What can we say?
The important thing to remember is sharing.
Sharing.
Both come up.
Exactly.
In both situations.
In both situations.
So Jerry had never...
That seems so weird.
Comedians after shows going out.
Yes, you go in the comedy cellar.
Yes.
Everybody gets the wings and has the wings.
You want a wing?
I don't think he does that.
You know, this is kind of a synchronicity because I went to dinner last night.
Yes.
We have very feed Phil, meaning I hope you see the compliment in this.
It's very food communal.
Every Sunday, we have our friends over.
But last night, we didn't want to have friends over.
Or Val didn't want to.
It doesn't matter.
And then we went to a pizza place.
Sat at the big table.
Yep.
And we had a long conversation about sharing.
Yes.
Haven't you ever had a pizza with people?
A birthday party when you're eight.
Cake.
Who's getting their own pizza at Pizza Hut in 1980?
Or this cake is just for me.
This cake is just for me.
You have shared, sir.
You just didn't know you were doing it.
Exactly.
What about there's got to be some Passover?
Is there a Passover thing?
There's a Passover thing.
Yeah.
There's got to be something that is shared as part of Passover.
Here it is.
Do you want me to go get you better ones?
This looks fantastic.
He loves it.
The flimsy plastic.
The tiny nap.
For those only listening to the audio, Phil is going into the, just the least
eco-friendly
setup.
I have a kind of rivalry with napkins around the world.
What do you mean?
In Buenos Aires, I had a pizza.
That was one of the best pizzas I ever had, speaking of pizza.
Verdad?
Where you pick it up and the cheese pours off it in rivers.
Like, you can't believe how much cheese is on this thing.
It's oily and messy.
Wait, is it sliding off and it's nude like a silken robe?
No, there's still plenty of cheese.
There's still plenty.
It's like a surplus of cheese.
There will never be a shortage of cheese on this pizza.
But, after eating it, you need a napkin.
Yes.
What they give you in this place is, remember the black and white notebooks for
school?
Yes.
It's as if someone tore out the tiniest piece of that paper and that's your napkin.
And I'm like, I have to tell you, I'm an American and we're used to super absorbency.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, this is not...
We want quicker, thicker.
This is something that smears the stuff around your face and does nothing.
Bill Cosby's Scandal Noted used to have a bit about trying to get through the
day in
middle school just blowing your nose on paper towels.
It's a very funny observation, bad person.
But, you know, I remember that feeling and I'm feeling that right now.
There's also countries where the toilet paper is that situation.
You get like a composition notebook, toilet paper.
Well, that's just cruel.
It is just cruel.
That's like a torture.
You have to have a nice...
I mean, come on.
You know what the best is?
Have you ever had a total toilet experience?
Every morning.
Japanese.
They know how to poop.
They know...
I say...
Is it cultural appropriation that I'm getting my ass blasted with warm water
every morning?
Because they know how to poop.
Full respect, Japan.
Full respect.
They do things better.
They do everything better.
Yes, they do.
I love it.
You ever walk in and it's clean and perfect and you're like, it's very Japanese.
Why do the Germans get all the efficiency stereotypes?
But it's really the Japanese that are nailing it.
Well, they were allies.
I knew there was a World War II riff here.
You know, maybe there's some compassion there.
It wasn't the genocide.
They loved the...
I forgive them Pearl Harbor because that total toilet, it's...
It's like having a nurse.
It is like having a nurse with like one of those things you blow smoke or air
into your fireplace.
But it's warm water and it's not too much to penetrate.
It's not a violation.
And yet there are people who are grossed out by the idea of it.
Who are these people?
And I've tried to explain...
Well...
Who are these people?
I don't think I'm telling a tale out of school.
Seinfeld.
Ray Romano.
I told him...
And this is in the writer's room.
Yes.
This is one of the top three discussions.
Yes.
In terms of consuming time when you're supposed to be working.
This was the topic.
Anything to do with your ass is, I would say, number one or two of topics we're
going to
be doing and discussing instead of working.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Food might be...
Yeah.
But it's all related, isn't it?
I mean, it's the other side of the same door.
So I'm explaining the wonderful...
Your mouth is your outside anus.
Thank you.
Your mouth is your inverted outdoor anus.
Thank you.
Now I have to think about this.
As I'm explaining the virtues and wonders of the Toto Toilet Experience.
Yes.
For people who don't know what this is, it is a magic wand that appears when
you push a
button and then squirts...
Somehow knows where your butt hole is.
...and cleans...
...perfectly.
Yes, you can adjust a little bit.
Yeah, but you won't really need it.
And then it dries you, too.
Never use the dry.
You use the dry?
Well, it takes a little more time.
It's like a hand dryer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.