Name: Mike Birbiglia | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2024-06-10T14:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mike Birbiglia | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mike Birbiglia | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-10. Transcript available.

Mike Birbiglia | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird. Yeah. You made it weird.
With Pete Holmes. Yes, you did. You made it weird. Yeah. What's happening,
weirdos? This is Mike Birbiglia, my best friend, my wonderful friend. He's
wonderful and hilarious. And this episode is being simulcast. This is the unedited
version. If you want the edited, working it out version, listen to it on Mike's
feed, working it out.
But we're dropping it together on the same day. That's why this episode is
coming out on Monday. And it's also on Mikey's feed if you want the shorter
version, I guess. I like it. Warts and all. The whole thing. So this is the you
made it weird version, meaning we just let it roll and let it play out and let
you guys listen in to two friends making fun of each other, trying out bits and
having a nice, good, deep conversation. It's so fun. I'm so glad you guys are
here. Not much to say.
Okay, up top. Other than even if you listen to this one, click on Mike's, too.
You know, click on Mike's as well. Working it out. Let's give the love to both,
both drops. And maybe you want to come see me live. I do a monthly show at Largo
in Los Angeles. Thanks to everyone who came out last time. Largo-LA.com for
tickets to that.
And then I'm going to be in Houston, Homestead PA at the Pittsburgh Improv and
also the Milwaukee Improv are all the dates coming up. Tickets to all of those
are at PeteHolmes.com.
In the meantime, so glad we're hanging out. Glad we get to spend some time
together. Enjoy the return, return, return, return of the wonderful Mike Birbiglia.
And watch The Old Man in the Pool on Netflix. That's his new thing.
Watch all this stuff. But that's the new one. And it's wonderful. All right.
Get into it. Here, just sit down. We'll start. This isn't, this isn't your,
this isn't your show.
No, no, it's both.
No, I know, but this is the part you edit out. This is the fun, you edit it out.
This is the fun behind the scenes. You're off Mike.
Right. This is the Kumail Nanjiani. You should like it.
This is the Kumail Nanjiani sketch. It's very NPR. Can I just borrow that for
Foley? No, no, no. Give me both.
Both?
This is so your brand.
Oh.
It's like, oh, you're just doing Foley work with my papers. You know, Mike, it's
fun to see you, man. I sat down with Mike Birbiglia.
This is terrible.
And it's that sort of charm that we'll leave in and you'll let it out.
Well, I will say this is, this is off brand for you is plastic bottles of water.
Katie bought it.
Plastic bottles of water.
Right under the bus.
I mean, I recycle more than anyone, but that's the only thing I can.
She made a last minute impulse choice for you, for the guest. This is cardboard.
I recently heard people saying, I went plastic free again today. Like, that's
the thing. Like, it's a daily renewal.
Like at the end of the day?
Yeah. I went plastic free again. And I actually kind of like it. I like hearing
it.
I go immediately to, it sounds like I'm wearing women's underwear. That's what
it feels like to me.
What do you mean?
There's a slight kink to it.
Oh, it's kinky?
Like, we're having dinner. I don't mean sexually kinky.
Okay, okay.
I mean, we're having dinner and I'm just like, I went plastic free today. Like,
it just feels like.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like, sand dunes turn me on. It feels the same as sand dunes turn me on.
By the way, I love the new studio. I haven't been here. I love it.
Oh, thanks, man.
I love it.
That's great. Yeah.
I mean, you've been doing this. You've been doing this podcast 15 years or so,
right?
11, I think.
11 years. I've been keeping track.
11 years. You look surprisingly robust.
Robust? What does that mean?
Yeah, you look healthy. Last I saw you, I was like, we got to get Mike out of
New York.
This man can't have 24 access to mozzarella.
I know what you mean. Well, it's funny. Like, you're whole. Okay.
You don't even acknowledge the burns.
So you're whole. Well, no, I take it in as real feedback.
It is real feedback.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, this guy can't get hoagies at 2 a.m.
No, no, it's, you're not wrong. It's when sometimes, you know, so people know,
this is all love.
Pete and I love each other.
Oh, yeah, we have to say that.
It's a disclaimer because sometimes people in the comments.
Because the internet doesn't know.
They don't know.
The internet don't know.
Everything that he says to me today, I'm fine with. I'm guessing everything I
say is probably fine with you.
You know what you look like? You look like you're a puppeteer, but you forgot
your puppet.
That's why you're on stage.
Like, you belong in the rafters with strings. Two crisscrossing paint stirrers
and strings.
Okay.
But the puppet's not here. You forgot your puppet.
And your weird wife with rollers in her hair goes, you get out there, Mike Birbiglia,
and you go out and you do a show.
I think that's very good. I came up with a title for your next special today.
Can't wait.
It's imagine if Mike Birbiglia were a little bit taller and a lot less funny.
Oh, do you get residuals every time there's a tumbleweed in a Western?
Because you're dry and crisp and you just look brittle. You just look brittle
to me.
Because I'm dry and crisp and brittle. Katie's laughing at brittle.
You're a little dusty and brittle. That's your vibe.
I'm not brittle. I'm not brittle.
I'm saying if I was playing Pictionary and I drew a tumbleweed, most people
would go, Birbiglia?
So today I'm working it out. Today I'm working it out. We have Pete Holmes.
Well, welcome to You Made It Weird.
With Mike Birbiglia as the guest. You're in the guest scene.
We're on working it out in a guest studio.
You made it weird work. You worked it weird.
You worked it weird.
You worked it weird.
Yeah, I like it.
There's that improvisational brain you haven't used in 20 years.
You haven't used yours since you pretended to do it for a movie.
And more people would get that if they saw that movie.
That would be a sick burn.
No, on streaming, it's done quite well.
Has it?
I'm just kidding.
You know it's one of my favorite movies of all time.
Yeah, I like that puppeteer burn.
Can I say, last time I did your pod and we were roasting each other, you said,
that's very funny, but why do I sell more tickets than you?
And I've lived with regret since then, so months.
So let's say it again.
Will you say, that's fine, but why do I sell more tickets than you?
Will you please just humor me?
That's fine, but why do I sell more tickets than you?
Because for every ticket you sell, you sell two more to their grandparents.
Oh, God.
I, like, that night, that joke arrived and I was like, damn it!
Like, I wish I had thought of it in the moment.
Here's the home game of Mike Birbiglia, Pete Holmes.
The home game is talk to your friends about what their level of comfort is if
you burn each other with the deepest burns you can go to.
And if they're good with it, because it's a consent-based joke game, if they're
good with it, give it a shot.
Yeah.
Because whenever you and I do it, I feel closer to you afterwards.
It's, uh, now we're on You Made It Weird.
I'll let you know when we're on Working It Out.
Right now we're about to be on You Made It Weird because I'm going to call it
shadow work.
There's something really beautiful about roasts and teasing and something about
letting some wickedness out.
And I, I'm not even going to say it's worse now than it's been.
I think it's always been hard to find safe and delightful spaces.
It's hard.
To let out wickedness.
But growing up, wickedness, I, I don't even mean real wickedness.
I just mean like a little, a little like you're a half-speed podcast became a
person.
Like that.
Say it again?
Did I say it too quickly?
Because you're a half-speed podcast became a person.
I'm a half-speed podcast that became a person?
Yeah.
Okay.
Listen to yourself as you say that.
If I was listening to you, I'd look at my phone and go, did I put this on
quarter speed?
Is this 0.25?
Because I'm on the treadmill.
I'm trying to get some, some reps in.
I think it's reps.
I guess I just, I guess I just think before I speak.
That is good.
That's very nice.
That's what Sister Mary Frances taught us.
Sister Mary Frances.
Think before you speak.
Sexy.
You do what's right because it is right.
That's what she taught us.
She was our principal.
Was she depressed?
That sounds like something someone would say.
No, you do what's right because it is right.
It's a nice little slogan.
I'm not saying it's not, but it sounds like someone who's run out of ways to
describe it to children.
So she just go, you do what's right because it's right.
You know what I mean?
When she was like week one of the job, she was like, you do what's right
because what's in me is in you and we love each other.
And now we're on working it out because that's a good punchline for what I said,
which is a great setup.
Oh, yeah.
It's a, yeah.
So the setup is, she used to say, you do it as well again.
Which I used to think was beautiful wisdom.
And then I realized it's blah, blah, blah.
You could even say now that I've been a parent.
She ran out of things to say.
Yeah, yeah.
And she got tired of explaining it.
It reminds me, it has echoes of the Mulaney bit where he goes, you ever been on
a date?
You know, first couple people you date, they get the best version of the story.
Yeah.
Like, it's like we were teenagers.
We were walking on the railroad track.
I remember the sound of the peepers.
I remember the moon, all this stuff.
And then like the third, fourth, fifth person you date, you go, when I was a
kid, I saw a dead body.
That's a great joke.
Is that on a special?
You know, I know Mulaney live.
Right.
I don't.
You saw him do it somewhere.
I'm not an expert of the special.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not.
That doesn't mean I don't love.
Big, bigger fan.
Well, he has huge fans, but I mean, I'm a huge appreciator of her, but I don't
know.
I can't footnote it.
I'm doing his live talk show tomorrow.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
That's me masking jealousy.
I hated that.
No, no, I hated that I felt jealous.
That's, that's how I hated.
That's what I hated about that.
But didn't you kind of like telling me, wasn't that a little too much lemon in
my iced tea?
Wasn't there a part of you that knows I asked for sugar and you gave me Splenda
with just
like a little, again, like a mischievous, wicked, I can't, when will I tell
Pete that I'm
doing the show that our friend is hosting that's wildly popular?
Look at your fucking face, you Coney Island mascot.
Look at your delight.
Did you think on the way over, when am I going to tell him?
No, no.
Because you didn't even want to fantasize about it.
You just wanted to enjoy it when it happened.
Why are you changing the narrative as you go?
Because I'm right.
I know me.
I would have, Mike, I'm going to now, you, you're not on it.
I'm going to tell you just for the fun.
Okay.
I'm doing Mulaney's live talk show tomorrow.
Oh, that's so fun.
That's what I, that's what I'd say.
I don't believe you.
That's so fun.
You said that like Paul Rudd.
That's how I know you were acting.
That's so fun.
That's so fun.
No, it's an honor.
It's an honor.
Isn't it an honor?
Yeah.
Although I was, I will say I was not on the, uh, the original announcement
artwork.
I was a later ad.
Yeah, you were, which means someone was canceled.
You were rebooked.
Waka Flocka Flame bailed.
Waka, I don't know who that is.
Waka Flocka went out.
He's Waka Flocka Flame.
He's a rapper.
Oh.
And then you, you swung in.
They had a cancellation.
Now look at the, the pleasure I'm feeling that you're a, you're a last minute
booking.
Yeah, exactly.
And they can't have both of us.
No.
You know what I mean?
No one will be able to tell us apart.
That's what I mean.
You can't have kidney beans and navy beans.
It's just fucking beans.
You get one bean.
Right.
By the way, there's, there's, there's Mike and there's Mike on stilts.
That's very funny.
Honestly, all of our teas too does come from what you have.
I don't think you think this about m