Name: Sal Vulcano | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes #podcast
Uploaded: 2024-07-17T15:00:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sal Vulcano | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes #podcast' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sal Vulcano | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes #podcast' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-17. Transcript available.

Sal Vulcano | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes #podcast

You made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, yeah.
You made it weird, with Pete Holmes.
You made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, yeah.
What's happening weirdos?
This is Sal Vulcano, he is incredible.
I've been waiting for this episode for years and years.
I'm such a fan of his from Taste Buds,
the podcast he does with Joe DeRosa,
my dear friend who we talk about,
and his new special on YouTube, Terrified,
which you're about to hear how much I loved it,
I absolutely adore it, I think it's hilarious,
I think he's hilarious, and I'm so glad you guys are here.
Sal is on tour, go to salvulcanocomedy.com slash tour,
and you'll see he's gonna be in New York,
he's in New Hampshire, Maine, Connecticut, North Carolina,
he's going all over the place, so check that out,
and go on YouTube and watch Terrified,
it is so, so funny, I absolutely loved it.
And if you're feeling nasty, go to peteholmes.com,
like I'm about to right now, to see my own tour dates.
Thanks to everybody who came out to Houston,
it was awesome, I got stuck there in the hurricane
for an extra day, which was still fun,
but the shows were incredible.
Madison, Wisconsin, I'm going to Pittsburgh,
I'm going to Milwaukee, and I'm going back to Denver.
All of those tickets are available on peteholmes.com.
And that's about it, that's all I really have to plug up top.
Check out my special on Netflix,
I'm not for everyone,
and in the meantime, enjoy this chat.
I'm so glad you guys are here.
Get into it.
It was just the water I grabbed,
it wasn't anything I'm worried to.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
I started drinking these.
Yeah?
Yeah, they sent me a box of them.
Did they work?
Because it says on here,
it works after like a prolonged use.
You mean in the copy?
No, right on here it says...
Because it says that in the ad copy.
Best, no, okay.
Benefits build with daily use.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's how they get you.
But you feel it the first time.
You do?
Oh, for sure.
Did you just do that?
I did.
Should I do it on camera?
What am I?
Well, we're rolling.
Oh, we are?
What do you think?
We don't want the charming...
Oh, okay.
...kind of doughy-eyed cell volcano?
There you go.
Here he goes.
There it is.
All right.
Only, like, look,
they are a sponsor,
but mostly I'm happy
because when you drink it,
it gives you a little pap.
Yeah.
It gives you that sweet pap.
You had that five-hour...
I do want to say,
first, welcome to the show.
I haven't been this excited
for a guest in a long time.
Really?
Yeah, and look at you.
Look at you.
You look excited, too.
I am excited.
I can't believe
that we have not met
until this moment.
No, I know.
This is the first thing
I'm going to say
because I hope you love this.
Okay.
I love Joe DeRosa
and I saw these clips
and I'm like,
who's this bitch?
Like, as a protective friend,
kind of like,
I want to eat snacks
with Joe
and yell about them.
Yeah.
That's our thing.
I wanted to write
on the Pete Holmes show.
There you go.
Yeah.
Well, it goes both ways.
Every street goes...
Every street goes both ways.
I don't know why.
I don't know why.
For no reason.
But the compliment is coming.
I certainly am not
really calling you a bitch.
Then I listened to an episode
and I was like,
oh, it's...
I texted this to Joe.
You can ask him.
I go,
oh, you found better me.
I really mean it.
I was like,
you're more fun.
You're funnier.
You can break his balls.
You have all these records.
I'm really trying to...
I still feel like
calling you a bitch
is the headline of that story.
It's not.
The moment when I watched you
for five seconds,
I was like,
this person is a pure delight.
That's how I feel about you.
I appreciate that.
I really, really do.
I think we might be similar.
So I'm not just saying
you were a better me
to say you're a better me.
I'm saying,
oh, he's like me.
I hope I'm not flattering myself.
But you have a similar...
I've always felt that.
Is that right?
Yeah, and I've been a fan of you
for a very long time.
Absolutely very long time.
I was listening to your record.
I keep calling it a record.
I was listening to it on YouTube
while I was driving.
Oh, okay.
And Katie,
I already told Katie this.
I always put these albums on.
I'm like,
I'm going to listen for five minutes.
Not out of any sort of
lack of faith in you.
I'm just like,
usually you get the idea.
Of course.
Listen to the whole thing.
Fucking loved it.
It's incredible.
Come on, did you really do that?
It's incredible.
I have so many specific compliments for you.
I wrote some of them down.
It doesn't matter.
Here's the general compliment.
I'm kind of taken back a little bit.
It's taken a back,
but we'll...
I know.
I knew it was.
And I just called...
I took a liberty at the very end.
I wasn't sure if it was a back or back.
I don't know why.
You love language so much.
I was like,
he'll like this.
It was saying a back.
He'll like this.
And I said,
I just...
I said,
if it isn't a back,
that's a bigger swing.
I think it is a back,
but if I'm wrong,
then saying taken back
would be less embarrassing
than if I said taken a back,
and you're like,
it's taken back.
I'm dead.
Yeah.
I'm dead.
Okay.
I just did this bit on stage
where I go,
if you're still correcting people
that it's Frankenstein's monster,
and you're in your 40s,
you fuck you.
I'm 20 to 35.
Those are your prime.
That's Frankenstein's monster.
That's when you met that.
And now I'm 45,
so I only because you love language,
I was like,
I will like that I'll say
it's a back.
But that's one of the compliments
is you love language,
you use it brilliantly.
Oh, man.
I don't know why you take this from here.
I said to them crouton.
I said to them crouton.
What did you say exactly?
It's something like that.
Yeah.
I said to them croutons.
Croutons is what I told them.
I said croutons.
Croutons is what I told them.
I said croutons.
Is one of the funniest things
of all time.
What a day this is for me,
for real.
It's true.
And then every bit you spread it out.
You take most of the time
when I'm watching stand-up,
I go,
why did this person bother
to think of this premise?
And leave it uncooked, maybe?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're instant friends.
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, Joe.
You just got booted.
I'm the taste bud now.
It's nothing against Joe
because he's literally
one of my best friends.
Me too.
One of my best friends.
But I'm ready
for something new.
Yeah, and he looks sickly,
so really,
we're just getting
a little bit ahead.
And now he lives
in like four other states
as well, so.
Where Joe is,
what he's up to,
and what he's interested in,
it's a role
of a 12-sided die.
You don't know.
It absolutely is.
And he doesn't know
what he's told me,
so he's like,
I'm in West Virginia.
I'm like, what?
Yeah, he goes with the wind.
So he just doesn't know
what he's told me,
so he just talks.
Yeah, he's buying properties
all over the place now.
Is that what he's doing?
He is.
He's going real estate?
Yeah, he is.
He's got a place in Pennsylvania.
He's got a place in Austin.
He's got his apartment in New York.
He doesn't own that one.
I don't want to just put him
over too much.
And I think he's in the process
of buying another place.
What is,
how good is Taste Buds doing?
Not that good.
So I don't know really
what's going on.
Five property good?
I don't know.
I think he needs to.
Like a five napkin burger?
You're a five property podcast?
I know.
I'm like,
what is going on here?
Look,
maybe I should have
ordered the books.
Holmes.
You ever get sensitive, Joe?
I heard Sal on your podcast.
I just didn't like
that you were talking
about my finances.
I love it.
I get sensitive, Joe,
every day.
You go what?
At some point,
I get sensitive, Joe,
every day.
That's what I love about him.
I love him to pieces.
I actually,
I called Joe the other day
and I was like,
I love having a friend
who's kind of
very similar anxiety level to me.
As in Joe.
He'll be maybe a little bit more.
I'll complete the trifecta for us.
Yeah, go ahead.
So anxious people
are so fun to talk to.
They're cooking.
Yeah.
They're Jiffy Pop.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
I absolutely do.
You call,
you can Jiffy Pop with Joe.
You ever call somebody,
I don't mean to make this point
too often,
but sometimes people
get a little numb.
Sometimes their meds
aren't quite right
and they're just not fun.
You can count on Joe
to be untreated.
Oh, yeah.
Unmedicated,
raw Jiffy Pop.
I was like,
this is an excellent idea
to argue about food
with you for a podcast
because I know
he's going to bring
the heat every time.
He brings it.
He means it.
Yeah, he means it.
Sal,
I know you know.
I know, yeah.
He means it.
It's wild.
He's actually mad at you.
Yeah, he's mad.
He's mad.
It's contained,
but he really gets behind
his opinions.
Yes.
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
I wouldn't have it.
I mean,
this was our normal life
and then after like
the third fight
over like a bagel,
we were like,
should we podcast this?
It's COVID.
Let's just fight
about something
that doesn't mean anything
but means something
to everyone
but in the same token
doesn't mean anything
Jesus Christ,
escapism,
you know,
like so.
It's so fun.
Yeah, no,
I love the show
but when,
I do get the feeling
that if you're arguing
peanut M&M's
versus Reese's Peanut Butter Cups,
I just made that up.
Sure.
Maybe you have.
If Joe is arguing
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups,
I feel like he could argue
the other one
and he'd be just as livid.
Yeah,
so there's two types of,
there's two types of episodes
we have.
One is where we land
on something
that I genuinely like
and dislike
and when that's the case
and you know,
it can't be 100% of the time.
Right,
that's kind of the best.
It was a lot in the beginning
and now we navigate
and we really mine for it
so that's when it's the best
but then there's the other one
where it's like,
well,
which one would you have
a little bit more?
Right, right, right, right.
And then you could always
make a case
of the cons
of something that you...
You're right
and the best ones
are really where Joe has,
I'm trying to think
of where he really
digs his heels in
but this isn't a taste.
Oh yeah,
retrospective.
This is about you, baby.
This is about you.
Sometimes we do non-foods
and I'll tell you,
an unexpected just heater
was pen versus pencil.
Yeah,
I mean,
we had no one
could see it coming.
I'm like,
that's not an episode.
That's like a mistake.
No.
That's like a don't release it.
Yeah, no.
What side was Joe arguing?
He was on pen.
I'm an old school guy.
Wait,
you were pencil?
Yeah,
yeah.
I took a beating.
I took a real beating
but I knew I was gonna
but I didn't care.
I stood my ground.
That's all pencil can do.
He tried to bring up...
We got standardized tests
and sketching.
No, no, no, no.
I love the tactile.
Shading.
I love the tactile
and stuff of a pencil.
The wooden.
I love the wood.
The bite.
I love the bite.
The bite is good.
I love the bite.
You bite a pen,
mistake.
You're biting a pen.
What are you...
What were you biting a pen?
Is something you say to somebody?
You're biting the cap of a pen
and you see someone
that bit the cap of that pen
and it's all discolored
and white
because the plastic got scratched.
And the chemicals broke out.
The chemicals broke out
and it's also like
it takes this disgusting...
A bitten pen
always looks like
it just came out of the mouth
even if it hasn't been bitten
in so long.
A pencil...
It never recovers.
It never recovers.
No.
And a pencil, honestly,
it's almost like a patina.
It gets better
the more you bite it.
And honestly,
when the eraser finally does go
if you don't understand ratio
and your eraser goes way
before the pencil gets down,
and you bite...
If you don't know
how to face yourself.
Yeah.
If you're that much of a child.
Right.
You didn't see that coming?
Right.
You didn't see it.
Because the eraser's
the exact amount
you need to erase.
Like, what?
70% of that pencil?
Yeah.
You went over it?
Sometimes you see
almost a full pencil
with no eraser
and sometimes you see
a pencil nub
with a full eraser
and you're like,
what is going on in your life
that you don't