Name: Gareth Reynolds Returns! | You Made It Weird!
Uploaded: 2025-02-12T15:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Gareth Reynolds Returns! | You Made It Weird!' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Gareth Reynolds Returns! | You Made It Weird!' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-12. Transcript available.

Gareth Reynolds Returns! | You Made It Weird!

You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird. You made it weird. With
Pete Holmes.
Yes, you did. You made it weird. What's happening, weirdos? This is the return
of one of my absolute
favorite people, one of the funniest people alive, Gareth Reynolds. You may
maybe remember Gareth
from the last time he was on the show when we talked about I saw all these isosceles.
And he's
back. And we laughed so much. Every once in a while, I'm just like, you know
what? Let's
just have a friend on. Let's be silly. And let's do bits the whole time. And
that's what we
did. We do get into some, you know, interesting areas, but most of the way
through we're riffing
and laughing. So we were due for a silly one. And I'm glad you're here to laugh
and enjoy
with us. Gareth is on tour. He's going to be in Sacramento, San Francisco, Naples,
Florida,
Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Virginia Beach, Virginia,
Richmond. He's going
all over. Go to GarethReynolds.com and check out his tour dates. He's so funny.
Do yourself
a favor. Go see him live. I'm also touring. Coming up next is my Largo on
February 15th
here in Los Angeles. That's going to be incredible. Some very, very big guests
that I can't even
mention, but really, really good ones. And then on February 21st, I'm going to
be in Vancouver.
We just added a second show. My Canadian weirdos hope you can come out on
February 21st, part
of the Just for Last Fest. Tickets for all of these are on PeteHolmes.com,
followed by
Atlantic City, New Jersey, Austin, Texas, St. Louis, Missouri, Nashville,
Tennessee, and
Royal Oak, Michigan. All of those are on PeteHolmes.com. And be sure to see Gareth
out there as well.
In the meantime, so glad you're here. Let's enjoy this podcast. Let's do it.
Let's get into
it. You are a murderer. This is slander. This is the highest order. What this
is is a gotcha
podcast. Is this how these are supposed to go, socks-wise? Is that what we're...
A real
saggy sock? A saggy sock tucked in. Is that what... What you're going to want
to do... Because
you're in a committed relationship? But she doesn't live here. What do you mean
she doesn't
live here? She lives on the East Coast. So that's why you got that baggy, baggy,
low-hanging
sock. You know what she does a lot is she'll go... What are you wearing? But
she's checking
to make sure you're not making a fool of yourself. And she'll go, flip it
around and let me see
the mirror. And then I'll be like... Because I'll be like, that bottom's
falling apart.
She wants to okay your outfit just because you're out there representing her.
You're like her
manager. And if you look like shit, she looks like shit. She's co-signed. So
she's going like,
let's get it going. Yeah. I didn't know you were in a long diss. Yeah. Long
diss. Yep. For now. Yeah.
Like, bitch, you ain't shit. I would not say that. No, that's a long diss. Oh,
that...
Better. It's just I heard the... Wordplay. Wordplay. Well done then. Did you
order wordplay?
No, I haven't, but I'll have a bit. I'll have a bit. We'll do a bit. Do you
order better wordplay?
No. Now why that? You have a decent one. Don't go... Do you want some wordplay?
No. Do you?
No, now I don't. I forgot that you're a secret bread. Yeah. Secret bread. Yeah.
What were you
going to say? Welcome to the show. I'm firing on all and I don't like it. I
love it. I don't
like how I'm hosting. Nah, I think that's wrong. I think you're doing great.
Thanks. Well, I'm excited
to see you is what I'm trying to say. I'm excited to see you. I... This is a
day off. Just go in the... I just
dropped my wedding ring. You know what that means. You're single. Yeah. Should
we get the spider over? You want to bang the
spider that we saw earlier? Did you know a spider has eight vaginas? Is that
true? That's what
arachnid means. Even the males? The males have 12. Vaginas. Vagina. That
explains a lot. Well, it
explains a lot. That's why spiders are always... You know, you don't have...
You're not making up for
something if you're going around scaring people all the time. Let me ask you
this, Peter. I'm gonna get it.
No, stay single. You can dress like what you want. That's right. Or long diss.
Yeah, your long diss.
Look, I'll put it here. It's long diss. There you go. The cat's away. We're
gonna get it. I'm
gonna write that down. What were you gonna say? I was gonna ask how many spider
bits you have. LD.
You got a lot of spider bits? Spider jokes? I have one moth joke. What do you
got moth-wise?
This is so petty. Go. But it's the only joke that Kumail... Shots fired already.
Name check.
Yeah. Well, Kumail and I started together. Still. And still? It feels like a
shot is being aimed. Oh,
you mean like I'm gonna take him down? Yeah. Yeah. It's time, too. It would be
hard to take him down.
That's what I mean. It seems impossible. So let's get him. If you're in a bar
fight with Kumail,
you're grabbing something. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm not even...
His cheat meal.
And throwing it at... That's the only way... The only way to stop him... Is to
throw a donut at him.
Is to grab his cheat meal and then throw it across the room so he runs after
him. Yes. And then he goes...
The cobs have been... Yeah. Can I do his voice anymore? It's different now. I
don't... I mean,
how close are you? It feels like shots fired. No, for a very long time, I would
have fearlessly done
Kumail's voice. And now I feel like... I don't think he can. The times... Even
with the cosign... Even if he was here. You can't even do a
Dylan anymore. You can't even do a Bob Dylan. I think Timothee Chalamet's
performance will age poorly. Because he's doing Dylan. Yeah, you can't do Dylan.
Are you doing
Dylan voice? Yeah, you can't do Dylan voice anymore. I'm sorry. Like someone
will be like,
did you hear Pete Holmes back in the... Hey, come on. It's like, that is so...
Timothee Chalamet.
I think you're onto something. I don't think... In the future, they're going to
say,
I'm sorry. Were you pretending to be Bob Dylan? Everyone was doing a Dylan back
then. You'd go to a
club and you'd walk in. It was a different time. It was a different time.
People wanted it. Yeah.
People wanted a Dylan. Hey. What's going on? Hey. Do you think he's ever...
Like,
because how he really talks, old Dylan will be like, I don't know why people
are, people out here saying,
I talk like, hey. Yeah. Has he ever done that? I think he's done that. And I
think that he probably
doesn't care for it. I don't think he likes it. I don't think... Why would he?
He was like,
especially because he was like being, he was being him. Also when, if Chalamet
taught us anything,
is that Bobby D didn't really sing like that. No. Sometimes he would. How does
it feel? Like,
then he'd get into it. It's very similar to how... He's singing over the drums.
When you hear British
or English people sing, like, and then you hear him interviewed and you're like,
what? Yeah. It's
like the first time you heard Christian Bale talk. Yeah. Yeah. And you were
like, what? What? I thought you're
from Arizona. Because we were singing our words now. Yes. To their ear. Yes.
This is music. Yes.
Yes. To them, they go... The Queen would be like, well, put a beat to that.
Even God save the Queen. God
save it. What? Not much accent in that. God save the Queen. What is the British
act? What is the British
sentence? Oh dear. That has the least British accent? Because there's always a
couple. Like in Irish,
you get in trouble where you're like, oh, let's go down to the fucking pub,
right? Yeah. And then,
and then it starts getting Scottish. Mm-hmm. And then we'll go in our truck and
before you do it,
you're doing a kind of Scottish. But then the problem is there are things in
the Irish accent
you say that just sound exactly like us. So you as a, as a, as a bisexual.
Thank you. As a Brit and a...
Bri-sexual. Yes. Go on. As a known bri-sexual. Yeah.
Bri-sexual. What is the phrase that sounds exactly the same in English? And
buddy, if you can't think
of it, we're asking Chad GPT. We're going to ask her. It's probably worth
asking and letting me
compare anyway. Oh. Because I need a second to think of what. It's probably
like, all right, you, you,
you, you, you, no, you is pretty good. It's tough. You, he, that. Let's get a
subject. Yeah. Can we
get a suggestion? Hank, Ed, Ed, Ed. See, I was going to say, it, it's tough. I
would say. Phil.
Phil. Phil. Phil. Phil. Found. Phil. Found. Phil. Found. Phil. Found. Phil.
Found. Phil. Found.
Some felines. No. No. Betty. Betty. Betty. No. Already off. Phil. Found.
Phil. Found. Trouble. Trouble. How about a storm's coming? Storm's coming.
Storm's coming.
Storm's coming. It's tough. Yeah. Yeah. It's got to be, you're on the money. We
can't even have a subject.
It's got to be like, time's up. Yeah. It's got to be quick. Yeah.
Stop sign. Yeah. It's got to be that real fast. Gosh. One line. It has to just
be, it has to be.
Those tostitos. Oh. Oh, that was so British. That was so British. I got ripped
on weed smoke.
Not a huge partaker, but when I take, I'm took. Okay. So, okay. The, the, the.
When was this? Okay. This
was probably, after I taped my special, I was like, I'm going to give myself
two weeks to smoke weed.
Here's my, you want my conclusion? Yes. It's not that great. It's not that
great. Yeah.
It's okay. The best part of smoking weed is, you know, you're not doing
anything. It's like this time
where you're like, I can't do my taxes. You know what I mean? I, I was a huge
weed smoker for most of my
adult life. And then I stopped like almost three years ago. And then I was in,
I was in Seattle and
I, and I got stoned for the first time in probably a year and a half, not even
that high. Yeah.
And I was like, I can't believe I just used to do this before everything. Wow.
Yeah.
Because it really did. Like, it was what everyone talks about. My anxiety was
high. I just felt anxiety.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I felt like I was like, it's like spicy food. You get used to
your esophagus.
Yeah. Right. Holes in it. Yes. And weed, you get used to being like, is the
postman an assassin?
Postman. Postman an assassin. Postman an assassin.
Postman an assassin. We said we'd ask her. Bring in, send in the robot. How
much we're robot?
Is that the anus of AI? Is it Jewish men that say robot? Or is it just New York?
I thought it was just guys. I don't know. You don't want in on that.
I don't know. I'm not touching it. You don't want in on that.
That'll age poorly. You don't want in on that rep.
I'm the guy that hooks you in. How's this going to look at future guy?
Are you? Oh, yeah. I won't do Dylan voice.
I've known a lot of New York Jewish older men.
Sarah, not touching it. Okay.
I don't believe there's a Jew in New York. How about that? I'm going the other
way.
What is a sentence you could say with a British accent that would sound exactly
the same if you said it
with an American accent? Like, do you understand? We're looking for a sentence
that a British person
would say and there would be no accent. Is he going to understand this?
It's really... A good example might be, I saw a panda.
The pronunciation of those words is pretty much identical in both accents.
I saw a panda. That's not bad. That's not bad.
I saw a panda. Saw is tough. Saw is tough. We're having issues with...
I've seen a panda. I've seen a panda. Is that better?
I've never engaged like this. No, you're right. So, and I might give it away a
bit.
Uh, the British intonation could sneak in there. Maybe something even simpler
like a man and a banana.
It's straightforward and avoids tricky words. Way off. Bananas.
Yeah, she just, she just, she just showed her ones and zeros.
I, uh, but I, I've never... Because banana? Bananas. Bananas.
There was a cartoon called "Banana Man." Bananaman? When Eric eats a banana?
There's this guy who, when he ate a banana. Eric?
Yes, Eric. You do know what I'm talking about.
That's what I just said. When Eric, when Eric eats a banana, he becomes...
Ban