Name: Sklar Brothers: It takes one to know two! | You Made It Weird!
Uploaded: 2025-03-12T14:00:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sklar Brothers: It takes one to know two! | You Made It Weird!' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sklar Brothers: It takes one to know two! | You Made It Weird!' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-12. Transcript available.

Sklar Brothers: It takes one to know two! | You Made It Weird!

You made it weird. You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird. You made
it weird. With Pete Holmes.
You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird.
What's happening, weirdos? I am thrilled. It is my joy and my delight to
introduce and reintroduce the Sklyre Brothers.
They're back on the show. They did the live episode with us when Jimmy Carr was
on in Montreal.
And they did a one-on-one episode or two-on-one episode many, many years ago.
But they're finally back. And they are a joy. And they're so funny. And so
wonderful.
And just a perfect episode. And I'm so glad you guys are here. Thank you for
tuning in.
Tuning in? Was it 1932? Sitting around the radio?
Go to Super Sklars. Super, S-K-L-A-R-S dot com for their tour dates.
You can also check out their podcast, Dumb People Town. You can also follow
them on the instant pictogram, Sklar Brothers.
S-K-L-A-R, Sklar Brothers. And go see them live. They are unbelievable.
They also do a show called Tag It that I did the night we recorded this show.
Sometimes at Largo, sometimes at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles.
Tag It, where they listen to your act and then they give you tags.
And that's why I call them the Saint Sklars. They're amazing.
They give back to the community. They're so generous of heart. But they're also
just so, so funny.
So I'm glad you're here. Enough jab. Enough jibba jabba.
Let's get to it.
Go to PeteHolmes.com for my acts. Then I just start, keep plugging stuff.
New Jersey, Austin, St. Louis, Toronto, Nashville, Irvine, San Jose, Royal Oak.
This is the PG-13 tour. A semi-clean, not-too-dirty comedy tour that I'm doing.
Go to PeteHolmes.com for tickets to that. And the next Largo is in March, April
as well.
So, all right. That's it. I'm so glad you're here. The Sklars are here. Enjoy.
Get into it.
Do you know the Sklar trick that Kumail made up? Do you know this?
Yes. Randy's... Randy's... I know you boys. You know this. Randy's Dandy?
No. When you're feeling Randy. Like the British Randy.
You're sexy. You take your glasses.
Oh! That's so good. That's so much funnier.
I can't believe you didn't know that. No. It's the British Randy.
When you're feeling Randy. Let's talk about this.
It's on. We're on. We're on. We're on. We're in.
I love you guys so much. Isn't that funny that Marc Maron has taken 40 years to
not even just learn that?
Oh my God. There's no way he knows the difference between us.
Whatever. I love him for it. My point is...
I love him for it. My point is that...
It hasn't even taken a minute to make a pneumonic device.
But Kumail's... That's so sweet and that's so Kumail because he actually took
the time to actually create something that was creative and fun.
Yeah. And funny. And funny. Totally. And you feel fun for knowing what Randy
means in Britain.
Right. Totally. It's like a...
It's like rooting in Australia. Right.
Yeah. Rooting or sounding in Seattle.
Or sounding in Seattle. What's sounding in Seattle?
So the... Sounding. You know what sounding is?
No.
Oh. Sounding is a sexual activity.
We take a metal rod and stick it inside of your penis.
In the ureth?
In the straight up field.
I am zero ureth curious.
Straight now.
I have no curiosity there.
This to some people is extraordinarily fun and enjoyable.
I would love it.
It's the people that love like a habanero pepper.
Right. Or like a...
Or like, I want a lot of tattoos.
Just a lot of neck and face and tongue and gum tattoos.
Gum tattoos.
I want several tattoos over the one I have on my elbow.
Yeah. That's right.
Under your eyelids.
Under your eyelids.
Gum tattoos.
Tell me you like urethra play without telling me you like urethra play.
You know how there are jokes in your act at the beginning of the hour that you're
like, if the audience gets this, they're going to love this.
If they don't get this, I'm fucked.
That's what this is.
That's what this is.
This whole episode, if you're not loving urethra play...
The knitting needle through the lip and through the thing tells me that there
might be a thing.
That's right.
The Sounders, this unfortunate...
You put it...
Why is it called Sounding?
Sounding, I don't know.
But they...
It's not a tuning fork.
No.
No.
Oh, maybe they do do it and then they click it.
I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should really help us.
The name of the professional soccer team is the Seattle Sounders, which I think
is...
Is that real?
Yes.
That's hilarious.
Because they didn't know...
I mean, it's because they're thinking of like Puget Sound and probably...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is...
Sound is a type of water landmass, right?
It's a sound...
It's like a...
A sound is like a bay, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kind of...
Yeah.
And so...
That word was already taken.
Yeah, but they're like...
Long Island Sound.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Puget Sound.
Long Island Sound.
Isn't that a Billy Joel song?
Long Island Sound.
Long Island Sound is just Billy Joel.
That's a Long Island Sound.
Or if you told me that the Long Island Sound was the name of his band.
I'd be like, Billy Joel.
If you told me that...
Billy Joel and the Long Island Sound.
If you told me that they all have rods in their wings.
If you told me that two members of the Manhattan Transfer
formed their own acapella group called Long Island Sound,
I'd be like, that's them.
Yes, I've been trying to think of something,
but then the microphone smells like a beer,
but it doesn't work.
It doesn't work.
And my sounding rod smells like a beer.
Because he dipped it in a beer first.
He did, to clean it.
Yeah, to clean it.
I said, Bill, I believe this is killing me.
As a smile ran away from his face.
Look, you...
I've never been a...
I have a whole thing I want to say up top,
but I'm not going to forget it.
Please.
But it's that you brought up the elbow tattoo.
And I don't know if you saw me do that.
I tried to do a thing about how tattoo culture is so anti-conformist
and they're so like, fuck you.
I don't give a fuck.
I have tattoos on my face.
And then everyone gets the cobweb on the elbow.
The cobweb on the elbow.
It's the only move.
They're like, of course I want to be one in a million.
Cobweb on the elbow.
Barbwire on the bicep.
Yeah, yeah, barbwire on the bicep.
Yeah, yeah, barbwire on the bicep.
Barbwire on the bicep, cobweb on the elbow.
Always tired on the face.
I'm just kidding.
That's...
What's his name?
Post Malone.
Post Malone.
How happy were we when someone called themselves Post Malone?
We couldn't wait with the pre.
The pre Malone.
Well, there was Pre Fontaine who was a runner.
Oh, yeah.
And then there was the movie Pre Fontaine.
And so then we made a joke on our old Cheap Seat show that he was Post Pre Fontaine
the runner,
but pre Pre Fontaine the movie.
Oh, my God.
So dumb.
And then here we are with Post Malone.
It's like the never-ending story in the 80s.
Every comedian was like, it was 90 minutes.
Yeah.
There was an end.
There was an end to it.
No, the never-ending story.
How about this?
I'm walking out.
It's over now.
There's your story.
A little too short for my desk.
Yeah, a little too short.
Not even a double desk.
Not even a double desk.
The never-ending story.
Double laser.
We're still enjoying it.
You know what I call the never-ending story?
The Irishman.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Still haven't seen it.
Never.
Refused.
Saw the first half.
Saw the first eighth, I think.
Saw the first eighth.
I saw what I thought was a half.
And I was like, that's got to be half.
I saw the first two fifths and then received three sociology credits from UCLA.
Why were they giving it to me?
It came in the mail.
You watched most of the Irishman.
And then they came as a associate credits in the mail.
That's about right.
In Italian-American studies.
I also, yeah, I didn't have to go to traffic school after I watched half of the
Irishman.
They were like, you've done enough.
You've done enough.
No more points on your license.
We took them off.
It removed points from my license from like years ago.
So did Flowers of the Killer whatever.
Oh, Flowers of the Killer Moon.
What is this?
Do I have to put on a pot of coffee?
Pouring over scrolls like Gandalf?
We're telling the whole story.
So they're making, they're taking money from these people.
She's smarter than this guy.
I think I got it.
I get it.
And everything feels horrible.
They're like, give the pregnant woman.
I didn't finish it.
Give the pregnant woman shots.
And I'm just like, I have a bad feeling.
It's all going to go badly.
White folks in the natives.
I have a bad feeling.
That's not a twist.
It's not a twist.
It's not a twist.
You can't be like, I'll never see it coming.
It's all coming.
Not a twist.
It's all coming.
It's all coming.
It's like when you see a documentary.
It's like when you see a documentary and like there's a horrible accident,
but like the person is talking at the beginning of it.
You're like, they're fine.
They made it up.
My phone was in a bear trap.
We know.
How difficult is a spoiler.
I'm still hearing this person, but it's the reverse of it.
Death of a Salesman is a spoiler too.
Come on, Arthur.
Yes, totally.
But I felt like Spade, which to me was my favorite moment of the SNL 50,
I didn't see.
Spade was in this really long sketch.
Mulaney sketch.
And then in the middle of the sketch, he's back in his seat in the audience.
And they're like, where's Spade?
Isn't he still in the sketch?
And cut to him and he's like, yeah, I get it.
I got a feel for it.
I got a feel for it.
I got a feel for it.
That is how I felt.
I'm speechless.
I got a feel for it.
I got a feel for it.
And that to me is how I felt on Flowerman.
Have you spent time with him, David Spade?
I've been trying to get Spade to do this podcast for many years.
He's hard to pin down, but I will say.
Hard to pin, but he gets a feel for it real well.
But he.
The funniest.
Is he just the funniest?
He just, again, it's just, we know so many of these people in this business who
are just
funny in their bones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You just hang out with them and you're like, everything he's saying.
They speak in fully formed bits.
Jokes, that's right.
Jokes bits.
When I did my audio book in the same studio, he did his audio book.
And the technician was like, David Spade reading his audio book was the
funniest thing
that's ever happened because he wasn't even reading it.
He was like commenting on it.
He was making cuts.
I'm like in there sweating, trying to get it right.
Every word, intonation.
And he's like, did it right.
I think you don't give yourself enough credit.
You are, in our minds, one of the quickest, funniest people we've ever met who
can also be
real.
Well, it takes two to know one.
Yes, it does.
That should be the name of this podcast.
It takes two to know one.
It was awful.
You're telling me how quick and good I am.
Well, it takes two to know one.
I love that one.
I look back and your sweaters are on the chairs, but you're not there.
Why do they leave the sweaters?
Just a swinging door.
A invoke outline of us two sitting here.
Of Randy's mustache.
Jay's glasses fall straight down to them.
An outline of his mustache, a few hairs drop.
When you're feeling Randy or you want to leave a podcast real fast, you take
off your glasses.
Take off your glasses and you get out.
Well, what I was going to say to return that is who's better than the scholars?
Nobody's better than the scholars.
We could end now.
We could end.
We could just be like, this podcast is here.
Takes one to know two.
Takes one to know two.
We just have so much fun together, like wherever we are, sitting here.
You saved it.
It takes two to know one was still kind of leaving me wrong.
And then you said it takes one to know two, and we redeemed it.
No, you were the first half of it that allowed me to be the second half.
I was just pulling the arrow string back.
You were generous.
You shot it.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Well, what I was going to say is, if you, well, if there were like groups and
phones,
there aren't.
Well, I could name our text with it to the three