Name: Christian Duguay's Valley Heat! | You Made It Weird!
Uploaded: 2025-03-19T14:00:51.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christian Duguay's Valley Heat! | You Made It Weird!' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christian Duguay's Valley Heat! | You Made It Weird!' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-03-19. Transcript available.

Christian Duguay's Valley Heat! | You Made It Weird!

You made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, you made it weird, you made
it weird, with Pete Holmes.
Yes you did, you made it weird, you made it weird, yeah.
What's happening weirdos? I am thrilled to bring Christian Duguay onto this
show.
If you've been listening to this podcast over the past, past hot pee on that
one, over the past four months,
I've been talking incessantly about my favorite podcast, Valley Heat.
Not only is Valley Heat my favorite podcast, I think it's the best thing of
2025.
I think it started in 2024, but it's so good, it's already won 2025.
Every single person I've turned on to this podcast has written me a handwritten
thank you note.
That's an exaggeration, but it is, I'm kind of talking like Valley Heat.
It's an exaggeration, but everyone, my brother-in-law Derek, obviously Val, my
friend Sam, everybody I send it to is like, thank you.
It's pure, hilarious, silly.
I'm going to play you a clip, because that's the best way to know it.
We're going to play a little three-minute clip here of the Valley Heat podcast,
and it'll give you a taste, and I think that will inform how you appreciate
some of our conversations.
But Christian is incredible.
Apart from Valley Heat, we get into that, but there is a lot of Valley Heat
talk,
so I want you to familiarize yourself.
What am I, your professor?
That's a Valley Heat style joke.
Anyway, familiarize yourself with the show.
So, Katie, Joe, here's a little taste of Valley Heat.
My optometrist, Dean, who is mad at me for using the car wash across the street,
upsold my 15-year-old son, Phil, on transition lenses.
I don't know if you know what transition lenses are.
They're those lenses that are supposed to get darker when you go outside in the
sun,
but they don't get real dark.
They just get kind of dark, and you can still see the person's eyes behind them.
And no matter what the person wearing them tries to do,
they always look like they're trying to spy on you from the bushes.
So, yesterday, I walk in his bedroom, and he's wearing these transition lenses
that make him look like he was fired from a library somewhere for licking books
or something.
You know, these things just make him look super suspicious.
No one should put a 15-year-old kid in transition lenses.
I mean, you talk about sealing someone's fate.
Give a kid a chance before you turn him into a hitchhiker with mugshots all
over the country.
You know, it reminds me of when parents name their kids after some jazz trumpet
player
or something from the 50s or 60s.
You hear them at a park, you know, calling to their kids,
and the kid's name's something like Gillespie or something.
That kid doesn't deserve that.
You named your kid Dizzy Gillespie Paul Simon Garfunkel?
Peterson.
Yeah, that's his grandfather's name.
I mean, you can't let your kid find his own identity?
I mean, we get it.
You can have one of those really expensive analog stereos, and you like jazz
vinyl.
But come on, no one wants to grow up named Cat Stevens Coltrane.
And no one wants to look back at their yearbook picture from high school and
see a guy in a pair of transition lenses.
You know, you see that and you go, I guess your parents weren't looking out for
you, were they?
Let's just let our kids create their own personality.
And let's not put them in transition lenses.
And let's not name them Guns N' Roses.
They deserve better than either of those things.
And I know why Dean did this.
I don't know if you remember, but my neighbor across the street, Gary J'Anthony,
installed a drive-thru car wash in his driveway and then turned his backyard
into a Chicago-style pizzeria
and then converted the garage into an 80s-style arcade.
And it made a lot of people in the neighborhood really angry.
But Gary asked me to drive through the car wash to show everybody that it was
okay to go through the car wash.
So I did it a one-time favor, but Dean was so mad at me.
And then Nick, my other neighbor, ran into the car wash and was screaming at me.
And he got burned with hot wax and sprained his shoulder on one of those
brushes in those car washes.
It, like, twisted his arm.
So there's a bunch of people in the neighborhood who are mad at me for going
through that car wash.
And Dean is one of them.
And I think my son had an appointment with him.
And Dean thought this was an opportunity to get back at me and upsold him on
these lenses.
I walk into my son's room the other day, and he's sitting at his desk looking
like a guy waiting to meet his parole officer in these glasses.
So I recorded it.
Let me just play it for you.
Hey.
Hey.
Are those your new glasses?
Are they still dark?
They're a little dark.
I don't really know what to do because they're weird.
I would take them off, but I can't see without them.
So I'm stuck in this state of either being blind or weird.
Did you just come in from the outside?
Are they still changing to clear, maybe?
If anything, these get darker and I go inside.
You're fine.
You're fine.
Do not pretend that I'm fine.
Okay.
I'm not fine.
I look weird.
Okay.
Yeah.
Obviously not ideal.
Of course they're not ideal.
Ideal would be me looking like a normal person.
I look like someone who's been following you.
Okay, so you heard that.
And he's not wrong.
They look weird.
And I feel bad for him.
He won't go outside.
His friends, he said, won't ride bikes with him.
All right, we're back.
We're getting into it.
We're going into the pod with Christian Duguay, who I was literally starstruck
to sit down
with him because I'm such a huge fan, obviously.
So listen to this podcast.
Check out Valley Heat.
Join his Patreon.
He's not a very big pusher of the podcast.
So I will happily push it for him.
You have to listen to Good Morning Burbank, which is the Patreon version of
Valley Heat.
A lot of those episodes are, I'm going to say, even better than Valley Heat.
And you can get it for like a couple bucks.
So go on his Patreon as well, Valley Heat Podcast, and enjoy it.
And write me a handwritten thank you note when you get into it.
Speaking of get into it, go to PeteHolmes.com for all my tour dates.
All of my tour dates.
They're all on there.
They're all on there.
It's the PG-13 tour.
It's a kind of dirty, very funny comedy tour, but not filthy.
Not filthy.
PG-13.
Enjoy it.
PeteHolmes.com.
It's a new hour.
So I will be going all over the place, even places I've been semi-recently.
So I hope you can be there.
PeteHolmes.com.
All right.
Valley Heat.
Check it out and enjoy this podcast.
Get into it.
Can I put this as new?
This is dad grass.
Have you ever had?
No.
What is that?
It's got a little bit of weed in it.
It's if you want.
It's actually THC.
It's funny that it's called dad grass, because I think dads probably are the
ones that get
the most stoned.
It's like, let's open up the market to dads.
Yeah, yeah.
The most stony people.
It's actually interesting.
It's hemp.
You know how in Amsterdam you can buy mushrooms, but if they're truffles?
They passed a law that you can't sell mushrooms anymore, so then they started
selling truffles,
because truffles aren't technically...
This is boring.
It's like drug theory.
It's not boring.
You can't sell mushrooms in Amsterdam?
They stopped that, but you can still buy psilocybin on a truffle, and there's
something similar
going on with hemp.
Why can't you buy mushrooms?
I don't know.
Why?
They were tired of the fucking Swedish tourists playing grab ass in the Van Gogh
Museum.
Oh, because everyone was high.
But you can buy edible, just food mushrooms.
You just can't buy...
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry.
Psychoactive mushrooms.
Okay, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So they outlawed those.
Similarly, you can't...
What a weird thing to outlaw with considering Amsterdam.
I thought that...
It's their thing.
Most things were legal there, right?
Look, I've been watching, listening.
It's funny that I said watching.
It's such an active...
You're never going to meet a bigger Valley Heat fan.
I'm going to say that.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I'm going to say it.
That's what I was going to...
People just say watching Valley Heat, and I'm always like...
My neighbor was like, you send it to me, but I can't...
I don't see anything.
And he was like a guy who definitely is not going to like this show,
or he's not going to understand it.
And I was like, okay, well, it's just a podcast.
You listen.
And then finally, I could tell he walks his dog past me,
and he would...
I could tell he was kind of avoiding me, and I was like,
this poor man had to listen to this show.
Oh, do you think he did listen to it?
He figured it out?
Oh, he absolutely did.
He was avoiding me, and then he was like, well...
So much.
So do you do any other podcasts?
That's what he said.
That was his review.
And I was like, no, it's the one.
I'm dead inside.
Well, can I say, though, there's a...
Well, he's like an older guy.
There's a great...
I stand by Bill Cosby in every way.
I'm just kidding.
But there's a great Bill Cosby quote.
What a monster.
But he said the key...
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure,
is trying to please everybody.
Let's pray that he didn't say that.
Maybe it was Stephen Hawking, which I don't know who could have said it
that would be okay with it.
You really could just invent anyone who said it.
That's true.
Keanu Reeves.
Keanu Reeves said that.
I mean, he said this, and he said it to me.
I saw a quote attributed to Snoop Dogg on Facebook.
I knew it wasn't him, but I wrote it on my bathroom mirror.
It meant so much, and I still think it was Snoop Dogg.
And it's, don't get upset hearing something you already knew.
And I think of that constantly.
Like, you call your parents, and they're annoying you in this way.
That was like the first thing I learned in therapy.
Is that right?
I mean, I can't believe.
Yeah, that they were.
And they're like, yeah.
He goes, yeah, you can.
And I was like, oh, I can.
I can believe it.
You're right.
I am obsessed with that, that human beings would rather, I think neutral is a
very unpleasant
sensation for us.
So would rather be chiding and raging and being upset and knowing that you
exist, not to get
too deep right away, but like, you're real, you fucking have shit going on,
than just be
like, oh, my dad's exactly how he's been my whole life.
Yes.
But that's a scary place.
Nothing's changed.
We start to vanish in that position.
Yes.
It's a very like, kind of Buddhist, like, which I swear to fucking God, dude,
you're
not going to get a lot of this, maybe.
Okay, go ahead.
But I think Doug Duguay, there's something about him and the way that he
engages with life
that I think is a little groovy.
I won't say it's...
I feel like it came, that the show really came out of therapy.
Is that right?
I wasn't like, oh, I came up with it in therapy.
Yeah.
But I have a really great therapist and I've had him for probably 12 or 13
years.
And he's having an affair with your neighbor.
Five or six years in...
What's that?
He's having an affair with your neighbor.
Yes, exactly.
There's going to be a lot of Valley Heat references in this episode.
Well, it was funny because when I went in, like, when I first met him, he had,
like, sandals
on and a dog with, like, a handkerchief around his neck.
And I was like, I can just talk to one of my neighbors for free.
But he was...
You want a little circumstance.
And he was just like, so, you know, he's in shorts and you're like, this is...
Okay.
I don't even like my UPS drivers in shorts.
I want a little formality out there.
I do.
I want a long pant.
You're out there with my packages.
Yes.
Are your balls on my packages?
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
You don't want him to show up in, like, those really short jogging shorts.
This is something he's doing on the way.
Were you just out?
You were just out on a...
Thanks for doing this on your way to the park.
I don't wear shorts.
I only said this on stage once and I got a laugh and I was just like, sometimes
you do a bit
and you're like, that's an unrepeatable.
I just, I'm not even goin