Name: Nick Thune Was Born Young | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Uploaded: 2025-04-16T14:00:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Thune Was Born Young | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Thune Was Born Young | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-16. Transcript available.

Nick Thune Was Born Young | You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

what's happening weirdos always always always a delight to sit down with the
hilarious nick thune
who has a new special produced by nate bargatze and nateland entertainment on
youtube right now
it's called born young it is hilarious you need to check it out it's very very
good it's also clean
which is fun what a fun one i'm also on the road i'm touring currently go to pete
holmes.com for
tickets this is the pg-13 uh tour not quite clean but sort of clean a mostly
clean comedy tour so not
filthy is what i like to say uh let's see if you hear this the week comes out
this friday this
saturday excuse me i'll be at the paramount theater in austin following up with
that we'll
have toronto los angeles nashville irvine california san jose california houston
royal oak michigan
washington dc and boston massachusetts we just added a second show for boston
which is awesome so uh come
see me in boston in august all of those are on pete holmes.com hope you can be
there in the meantime
enjoy this chat with the wonderful nick thune and do and do check out his new
special born young
on youtube.com right now all right get into it you could have you could have
brought it up to me when
you when you when i walked in and we could have talked about it the whole way
here there's a step and
i still would have tripped on it oh you think so are you clumsy i know i just
don't look where i'm
walking i i oh it seems beneath me
how did you do that i don't know were we rolling on that how did you do that i
don't know it just
happened how did you do that you wrote a perfect nick thune joke fresh i want
to i want to actually
remember that for sure you need well yes because everyone's gonna be commenting
it yeah over this
clip
in the first five seconds too late i can't do it on tv now it's already been
no i disagree clip still good clips are good yeah you're okay i would i would
take six clips over
one television appearance like six viral clips six viral clips over one hot tv
spot well you only do a tv
spot now to clip it yeah you know what i'm saying also for the thrill of it
also the fun of it two
grown men with muscles opening a curtain for you i never knew that was my body
a couple hard body
real men people don't use hard body i mean smell like cigarettes and oh yeah
union guys yeah tough
as nails people don't use hard body i love hard body i really do i love hard
body you mean for men and
women yeah i mean i like it more for men i think uh i just remember when i
worked at a subaru dealership
i worked at a subaru dealership really uh yeah i guess two weeks ago in the outback
all right you made a joke and i was just making my dumb outback joke no in the
forester
we were just so we're going too fast we're gonna sync up yeah we're gonna sync
up we are because i've
forgotten how hilarious and quick you are so i should just relax no we are i'm
used to peppering in
i just remember some guy i washed cars at this i eventually sold cars there but
i washed cars
i didn't know that very brief well senior year of high school what i quit
because of aids what
quit because of aids yeah i um nobody quits selling cars because of hiv no you're
right and that that was
probably part of the problem because what because what happened was i did have
an std i don't remember
what it was oh it wasn't i mean it was i do remember it was chlamydia you had
chlamydia yeah when
i was 17 um who knows how i got it from sex yeah mostly most likely mostly and
also some swashbuckling
but mostly sex gave me chlamydia and i um had to get a blood test and they didn't
you know at the
time you know this is 1997 not one no one really knew all the information about
hiv yeah and um
you know they were like we'll get back to you in a few days with your hiv test
and so i took
you know i hadn't been acting much yet but i took that feeling with me of not
knowing if i had hiv or not
into the office of the owner of the super dealership and sat down and broke
into tears and said that i
couldn't work there anymore because i had hiv wait is this real yes why did you
do that because i
didn't want to work there anymore and i was so dumb that i thought it would
really they would they would
drum up some pathos they would not let me they would be like no you're doing
this this is good for
you you know like they're salesmen they don't let you out of a deal like they
let they keep you in and
hiv felt like the only way out of that deal when you felt trapped at the subaru
dealership yeah i was
a senior in high school but you were about to graduate like it ended itself no
i would have had
to work there all summer and i wasn't going to go to college i probably would
have had to go on from
there and you'd still be slinging soups i know well the problem is is my dad's
the one that got me the
job there because he worked in the car business and i didn't really think that
through so like you
really would have been stuck you mean well yeah but also my dad's gonna hear
about it like i that night
at dinner i remember the phone somebody called my dad answered it and it was
such a quick uh-huh
no okay thank you he sits down and he says uh hey nick did you tell uh
ron swanson or whatever his name is that uh you have aids
yeah well no i said hiv which you know the autoimmune deficiency known as well
you'll get
there maybe you know but your dad didn't even for a flutter think maybe my son
has hiv
no because he knew that i was a lying bastard he knew he went to liar
immediately well yeah one of
like because like the type of lies that i pulled off like i stole hair dye what
color uh blonde like
bleach and that day stole it went to a friend's house dyed my hair went home
went to my math tutor which
was living next door she got a call another call from my dad okay we'll have
him outside she goes
your parents are going to pick you up out front i thought well that's weird
because i just live right
in the backyard i go up front i get in the car they're not talking i'm just
sitting in the back
and with bleach blood hair yeah and i'm thinking something's not right here we
start getting closer to
the grocery store and i think okay this is a store i stole the hair dye from so
we walk in they still
haven't mentioned it to me they're they're just like they're letting me sit in
it in the back and we go
in and the clerk we see them meet the manager they take us to the hair dye
aisle and he goes it's this
one he grabs it he goes up and he rings it up and he goes yeah no one's bought
this for two weeks this
is the one you say you dyed your hair with because i said no i bought it you
know like i would like
but this sounds like theater like you think he was checking the database he did
check that's what he
said yeah i feel like that was fake i'm sure it was i think they were entrapment
i think we have a case
i said well i said i go is is there a chance that it's not in there and he said
it is highly unlikely
and i said okay there it is we think there it is yeah there's a more you're
saying there's a chance
so you're saying there's a chance and i left and i don't think until my mid-20s
i finally said to my
parents i did steal that hair dye wow i stuck to it i have a question why didn't
you buy it
because of the thrill the thrill yeah you were taking a winota rider i was i
was a thief i thief
a scoundrel i would steal you know like the little chromies off cars that was a
big one the the hood
ornaments i did take a couple hood ornaments those are not easy to take by the
way no those are on there
they're not only are they on there but the older ones especially the mercedes
there they've got a um
really like a steel string coming up to it that you really have to like it's
not easy to get them off
because they knew aren't we asking for vandalism and yeah dr mercedes was like
but also why why would
they think that i mean monsters out there i want to know did the first
generation of mercedes that had
the horde i bet it was the second third generation they were like we need to
fix this you know what
i'm saying yeah do they still have them up there like that the string you mean
yeah they still have
like the ones that pop out of the oh they're now like flush with flush yeah
yeah yeah yeah you don't
want that anymore no no but no the chromies are the things on the air parts of
the tires if those were
chrome oh it was you know true you know the story was if you took the tails
would go yeah if you took
them into a pawn shop they were worth about four bucks a pop the little on the
on the tire air gauge if
they were chrome oh wow which are the nicer cars had and um i don't like it
well no it's also just
evidence of stealing and then you know a friend of mine got caught told his
parents i'm the one that taught
him how to do it my parents didn't have to look too deep into the house to find
a baggie full of
chromies you had enough for a baggie yeah you know what i don't like about it
is it's just so annoying
you know what i mean yeah it's not it's like a mosquito crime it's annoying in
it but it the
exhilaration you know yeah the thrill no let me join you instead of judging you
i'm just saying like for
some reason i specifically have a thing on the because i lose them like they
roll under the car they're gone oh
yeah you're like am i leaking air i don't think so it seems to be fine but
anyway i used to my tactic
would i'd go into the corner store in lexington square square lexington center
and uh one of us
usually me in new york no no no good yeah they're lexington avenue no lexington
the town i would go in
and i would ask we'd hide the game pro magazines because the the nudie mags
were behind the counter
kind of barely yeah almost to the side they wanted you to think you could touch
them they wanted them
to be close enough to touch and you could just kind of duck in and browse them
yeah but you know you're
right with the guy who rings them up anyway so i'd hide game pro that's was
always game pro and put game
pro behind a big man which was like the nintendo yeah here's some new codes
exactly yeah it's like
a nintendo power but for all the systems then i'd go up and say do you have
game pro magazine knowing
it's not there he'd come from behind the counter would look for game pro my man
opie that's his real
name would circle and grab a playboy and run out and it worked well we only did
it once but it worked
yeah that's a good thing worked every time yeah it is it has a flare of
thoughtfulness i had to get
this guy out and we need him out for at least 30 seconds the nice thing is is
you're never you're
never touching the playboy i'm also so you're in the store but then i bet you
guys walk in his friends
no no he never even saw never met this guy before i don't know this guy second
i bet though the part
that i blew that i'm under reporting is after he goes oh here it is it's behind
better homes and gardens
for some reason i didn't buy it like a real slick criminal would have bought it
yeah oh good one game pro
and then a really slick criminal would have left extra money would have bought
it and then left
without it and like like dropped it on the way out like because we did try yeah
sorry nick thun i don't
mean to steamroll here we the first thing we did was i went in and said uh will
you sell me a playboy
and he said no and he went they make your eyes crossed that's what he said
really they'll make your
eyes crossed and i was like i was so humorless about it i hated that he did a
bit i was like please i
don't want to shoplift is that a christian thing they make your eyes cross or
is that just a i feel
like well this what must have been like you know i'm in fifth grade it's the 80s
so he might have been
something that was popular in the 60s like they'll make your eyes cross like
your your hair and palms get
hairy you know it's like in the same family of myths that's not true is it if
it were true i'd be a
sasquatch so keep going what were you were going to say it reminded you of
something oh no well i just
i the the pa