Name: HARVEY FACE SCARY FACE | BADMAN
Uploaded: 2025-09-11T17:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'HARVEY FACE SCARY FACE | BADMAN' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'HARVEY FACE SCARY FACE | BADMAN' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-11. Transcript available.

Harvey, just put the gun down.
You're not gonna hurt my family.
No.
Just the person you love most.
So who is it?
Harvey, just put the gun down, please.
God damn it, stop putting the gun to my family's dead!
Do we have a winner?
No!
You don't want to hurt the boy, Two-Face.
It's not about what I want.
It's about what's fair.
See, you thought that we could be decent.
Harvey, thank God you're here.
Two-Face took Gordon's boy hostage.
Two-Face, you're back.
What are you talking about?
Give up the boy.
Nothing fair ever came out of the barrel of a gun.
He knows what happened to me, right?
Harvey, now you're back.
Use that gun you're holding next time Two-Face shows his faces.
Is this because you can only see one half of my face when I'm talking to him?
Harvey, where did you go?
Two-Face is back and he looks super pissed.
Yeah, 'cause I'm Harvey Dent.
Nice try, Two-Face, but your tricks won't work on me.
I'm the world's greatest detective.
Batman, Harvey Dent is Two-Face.
What?
Batman, remember, um, you went to save Rachel, but it wasn't Rachel, it was
Harvey Dent?
Huh?
Remember half of his face?
This half of his face was in the gasoline?
Just stop me when you start remembering this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I want you to know I'm completely lost.
You really don't remember any of that?
Half my face melted, and now I'm insane.
Full disclosure, it's kind of been a crazy day.
And, uh, this suit's really hot.
I kind of go in and out.
This is the guy that beat the Joker.
Yeah, I don't know how he did it.
I used my skills.
Then I learned to go mountains.
Batman, listen, Harvey Dent is Two-Face.
They're the same person.
So Harvey used to be Two-Face.
I am Two-Face!
I have Two-Faces!
Okay?
I'm Harvey Dent, and I'm Two-Face.
I'm Two-Face, and I'm Harvey Dent.
Okay, you know what?
Let's start over.
What do you see?
Harvey Face.
Good.
Now what do you see?
Scary Face.
Okay.
Put 'em both together.
What do you see?
Two-Face.
Yes! Yes!
What have you done with Harvey and Scary Face?
They've done nothing to you.
Okay.
Here we go.
Right now.
We're doing this.
Everybody's gonna get the same chance that Rachel got.
50-50.
How can we possibly determine that?
By flipping a fucking coin!
Yeah.
Let's just flip a coin.
That's heads or tails.
We need 50 coins.
And then 50 more.
50-50.
Seriously?
And then my computer will analyze it with science.
I'm gonna flip to see if I get to kill you first.
It's heads.
Which means I can't kill him.
Does anybody here object to a redo?
No.
Nope.
Shoot 'em.
Fine.
Awesome.
I guess that's the end of Scary Face.
Give me my son, dipshit.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.