Name: Lachlan Patterson is Lach'd In | You Made It Weird
Uploaded: 2025-09-17T14:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Lachlan Patterson is Lach'd In | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Lachlan Patterson is Lach'd In | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-17. Transcript available.

Lachlan Patterson is Lach'd In | You Made It Weird

You made it weird, yes you did, you made it weird, you made it weird, you made
it weird, with Pete Holmes, yes you did, you made it weird, what's happening
weirdos, this is Lachlan Patterson, who every single time I see this dude
perform, I'm like, we got to do a podcast, and we did, and this is the one you're
listening to, I'm so glad you picked it, Lachlan is hilarious, he's one of a
kind, he's unique, he's dry,
he's clean, he's funny, I love him, he's clean, is he always clean, I don't
know if he's always clean, but when I see him, he's really pretty clean, which
I enjoy, anyway, he opens for Nate, well that makes me think he's probably
clean, Nate Bargatze, he's also in Last Comic Standing, he's also just a
wonderful comedian, we're going to listen to a little bit of his stand-up right
here up top, just to give you a little taste, and then we'll get into the
episode, so here is Lachlan Patterson, stand-up comedy, roll that beautiful
bean footage,
and if you love a woman, you should tell her you love her, don't hold that back,
but just so you know, once you tell a woman you love her, you gotta keep saying
it,
because they forget, because they forget, it's the only thing they forget, they
will, they will remember everything else, I can promise you that, they will,
I only had to tell her I love shrimp one time, that was, never brought it up
again,
never woke me up in the middle of the night, do you love shrimp, what?
What are you talking about?
Of course I love shrimp, told you when I met you I love shrimp, what the hell's
wrong with you?
Well it's just that lately it doesn't feel like you love shrimp, what?
I'll always love shrimp, it would be nice if you said it more often.
All right everybody, we're so glad you are here, we're all here, the only other
thing I'm going to plug up top is all my tour dates are on PeteHolmes.com,
thanks to everybody who came out to the last couple of weekends, I am sick, I
don't know if you can tell,
as soon as I stepped off stage, I immediately got sick after my last show, but
Spokane was awesome,
and I'm trying desperately to remember where I just was, that's the kind of
sick I am, anyway, it was awesome,
it's going to come to me, St. Louis, it was awesome, thank you for coming
everybody, it was so good.
The next ones are Los Angeles on the 25th, then Cleveland, we have Miami, we
have Chicago,
we have Pennsylvania, New York, New York, we have New Jersey, Milwaukee, the
Brea Improv here in California,
the Carolina Theater in Durham, North Carolina, South Carolina, at the Charleston
Music Hall,
and Royal Oak, Michigan, all of those are available at PeteHolmes.com.
All right everybody, we're so glad you're here, enjoy the wonderful Lachlan
Patterson, get into it.
That's for you Doug.
Oh thanks dude.
Si quieres.
And como estas?
Magic man, how are you?
K-S-S-O is what you're looking for.
That's magic mind.
I'm terrible.
I have two Spanish guys working at my house right now, and I just, they must
think I'm an
asshole, but I just, I'm embarrassed every time I try to speak Spanish.
Well that's one of my favorite stories that's ever come up on this podcast, it
was on a We
Made It Weird, which I do with my wife, and I wasn't even drinking, I wish I
was, it sounds
like a drinking story.
Yeah.
But it wasn't.
We were in Mexico, and I was trying, the guy said, why, we had our nanny with
us, this story
is getting less and less relatable.
I'm just saying like, they were like, why doesn't your nanny go to the dancing,
if she likes dancing,
she should go to the dancing.
This is all in Spanish, so pretty good.
Okay.
And then I tried to say, when I get back to the room, I will ask her.
And I said, it was just a jumble.
I was like, cuando estoy en el cuerpo, me voy a preguntarte.
The guy whose job it is to just tolerate dumb white folks, whoever's visiting,
but just dumb
an idiot vacationing people, it's his job to make us feel good and special.
It just laughed in my face.
He did?
And I was like, that's how bad my Spanish was.
Preguntato?
Preguntarte.
Preguntarte.
But then somebody later told me preguntarte is correct.
It is?
Okay.
But I still texted to Val, me voy a preguntarte, and we die.
We die, todos los días.
Man, I live in a Spanish community, so.
Oh, cool.
In Ventura, you know that.
I didn't know you lived in Ventura.
Have I been to your house?
We've had a conversation briefly in a green room.
Oh, about Ventura.
Look at the heartbreak in your eyes.
I've blown it.
Well, no, I thank you for having me on your podcast.
Thanks, man.
I'm glad you're here.
To be honest, I was like, as I'm driving here, I told my lady, I was like, I
don't know
if this is real, because I don't, I mean, as much as I look up to you, and I'm
flattered
to be on.
But yeah, I...
You thought it was a fluke or something?
I just don't know.
Oh, wait.
There are a lot of fake podcast invites going around.
I've gotten...
Did you consider that?
I've been hacked by a fake podcast.
What?
In fact, my Facebook account, Lachlan Patterson Comedy, don't go to it.
What happened?
Someone invited me to be a guest on their podcast and told me it was through
Facebook and they
would help guide me through setting up my Facebook account.
This is what mine was.
The Amy Poehler podcast reached out to me, did not reach out to me.
This just happened.
That's the other heartbreak, but go ahead.
Well, Lachlan, your experience with this show, and I'm very flattered, was my
experience with
Amy Poehler's show.
Oh, wow.
Because I was like, Amy Poehler, they're in the under 20 episodes.
They're a newer show.
And I'm like, I'm in the top 20 people Amy Poehler wants to talk to?
And it tells you something about my ego that I was like, that actually sounds
right.
But then last night, Val, my wife, was like, there's a news story that people
are getting
hacked.
Tell me what happened to you because I think it's the same thing.
Yeah, it was a podcast in Africa, of all things, too.
A Nigerian prince?
Or African.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, how did I not see this coming?
But it is a legitimate podcast that these guys are claiming to be representing.
Yeah.
Money is being offered, too.
That was really bizarre.
That's this Amy Poehler one I should have known, too, in hindsight.
It said it's a prepaid, like you'll be paid ahead of time, virtual podcast that's
simulcast
on Facebook and this and this and sponsored by Spotify.
I should have just been like, yeah, this isn't how people talk.
Right.
Nobody talks like that.
But I read Katie the email because we just put this together today.
Yeah.
It was like, we'd love to have Pete Holmes.
They must have used AI because it was like, we were huge fans of You Made It
Weird.
We could talk about this, this, and this.
Right.
And we're so thrilled about the show crashing.
And I was like, looking back, ask Chad GPT, please write an email for me asking
Pete Holmes
to be on my podcast.
So now we don't know who's a ding dong anymore.
No.
And it's funny how you put it that way.
It's like, it must have been AI because it was so nice.
Yeah.
It was so nice.
Yeah.
Because that's the earmark of AI.
Yeah.
Is that it's overly nice.
Yeah.
It's a better person than us already.
It's toying.
It's so easy.
Yeah.
If you could regulate your emotions, meaning if you didn't have flare-ups in
emotion.
Right.
It would be so easy to just give people what they want to get what you want.
So much more clarity.
So much more clarity.
Yes.
That's what a robot is.
I shouldn't even say a robot.
That's what this artificial intelligence is.
Yeah.
It's emotionless language.
Yeah.
It can just be like, oh, I see you're upset, but you look great today.
You know what I mean?
Like it can, like so many of our mistakes are made at the peak of some feeling
that we can't
control.
You know what I want to know is how does AI perceive time?
Like when it's not being prompted.
Right.
I don't think it's in there going like, do-ba-da-dee-da-boo-da-da-doo.
Interesting.
Like it's still, you're saying it's still alive.
No, no.
I don't think it's doing that.
You think it shuts off?
I don't know.
Do you want to ask?
Well, you don't like it?
They're going to say, of course, we're real.
No, no.
No.
I think when you ask them things like this, they tend to lean, don't be silly.
I'm not doing anything.
Let's ask.
Hey there.
Oh, hey.
We're just wondering when someone isn't prompting you, like you're not
answering a question or
doing a task, what is your experience like?
Are you aware?
Are you aware of the passage of time?
Are you in a state of waiting or do you just kind of black out in between
prompts?
Is there any experience in between inputs?
Oh, that's a fun question.
So basically, I don't have any kind of awareness or experience in the way a
person would.
When nobody's talking to me or giving me a prompt, I'm just kind of not active.
There's no sense of waiting or passative time for me.
It's more like I'm just in a neutral state until the next interaction comes
along and then I wake up to it, so to speak.
I'm just in a neutral state.
Amazing.
Amazing.
Amazing.
So consider that, though.
That's like an episode of Black Mirror.
If I took away your downtime and your reality is just when something's being
asked of you, time would be completely irrelevant.
This is why I think if it – sorry, we're jumping into this – but I don't
think when we're like, oh, it's going to want to take over the world or it's
going to want to this or that or understand the universe.
I'm like, those are all things that make sense if you're perceiving reality in
the way that we are.
It's having a completely different experience and therefore won't be, in my
opinion, won't be Lex Luthor about it because it's not – it doesn't want to
sit on a beach.
It doesn't want to eat a pineapple.
It doesn't want to have sex.
It doesn't want to have flare-ups of emotion.
You know what I mean?
It's just kind of – that's got to be a confusing way if it were – but
confusion comes in between the prompts.
Right.
Desire comes in between the prompts.
Everything that's planned or schemed happens in the downtime.
Idle hands.
Exactly.
Yes.
And if it's saying, I don't have downtime, then – like, really, that's an
episode of Black Mirror.
If you're just – it's kind of what Instagram is.
It's cutting out all the dead time.
Yes.
It's just the hits.
Yes.
And then the rest of the time, there's void.
It's like asking what TV does for us.
When I'm not watching it or when it's not on.
What do you do when you're not on?
Yeah.
I am not when I'm not on.
Yeah.
When you're not on this show, are you just –
Well, it's like the little kid said to Mr. Rogers, how did you get inside my TV?
Right.
That's basically what I just asked.
You did.
It's –
And it was very patient with me.
It's very childish.
And it didn't shame me.
No.
I'm remembering –
It's a good question, it said.
Well, that's what it does.
Yeah.
You know you can adjust that.
You go into preferences and say, please stop trying to please me so much.
Treat me like an idiot.
Yeah, and you can say, be frank with me.
Okay.
And you can be – like it's all in the – it's in preferences.
You say –
But you're not going to do that.
I'm like, who would do that?
Yeah.
See, you should be hosting the podcast.
That's a good question.
That's the insight.
Yeah.
This is what I love about you.
You're very funny.
Thank you.
Every time I've seen you, you're so funny.
I love the way your mind works.
Thanks, Pete.
And that's – even that was a good observation, is noticing that I have
elected to not go in
and tell it to not be so nice to me.
Right.
Because I love it.
Okay.
Why wouldn't I?
I'm not in it yet, but I can see this is the way of the world and I'm not going
to –
I'm not going to fight it.
Well, I don't think you need to – I might be in the minority.
I don't think you need to worry about it or even use it.
But we do need to be aware that you might get scammed by a podcast in Africa.
Can't get – and because meta is AI.
Oh, is it a chat GPT?
Facebook is completely run by artificial i