Name: BATMAN BLOWS HIS COVER | BADMAN
Uploaded: 2025-09-18T17:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'BATMAN BLOWS HIS COVER | BADMAN' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'BATMAN BLOWS HIS COVER | BADMAN' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-18. Transcript available.

I told you we'd come.
Wait!
I could die.
At least tell me your name.
It's not who I am underneath.
But what I do, it defines me.
Bruce?
No.
Oh my God, you totally are. Bruce.
What? No way.
Okay, well that whole what I do that defines me thing, I said that to Bruce
three days ago and told no one else.
So that would mean you're Bruce.
You're being crazy. How could I be Bruce Wayne?
See, I didn't even say Wayne. I just said Bruce.
Oh, I saw Bruce Wayne at the bank and he told me about your conversation.
Oh, you guys hang out?
Yeah. Bruce Wayne is kind of the coolest.
Oh, really?
You should go out with him. He's free Friday.
Mr. Dawes, thank God you're safe.
Commissioner, you're not going to believe this.
What? Bruce Wayne is Batman?
What? Come on.
Come on.
Wait, you knew that?
It's like super obvious. Disappears for a bunch of years, comes back, he's in
incredible shape.
Well, that totally makes sense because one time when we were kids, I saw him
get thrashed by bats.
Oh, get this. I was just driving in the Batmobile, like, tank thing.
Yeah.
I look in the glove box and it's registered to Bruce Wayne.
That is baloney.
Batman gave me a periscope the other night and it said "Wayne Enterprise" on it.
What is that?
Hello.
Oh, this'll, this'll clear things up.
Here's Bruce Wayne just behind you.
Turn and let's put this paranoia to rest.
Just, turn around?
Okay.
Nope. Don't see him. Guess we'll turn back around.
Don't turn around. Wait, wait.
Let me know.
Don't turn.
Okay, now you can.
Hi, Rachel. Commissioner Gordon. I was just water skiing from a hovercraft. You
know, doing reckless billionaire type stuff like I do.
Tell her I make up on.
Hm?
No. This, I was, I was a hit in the face. These are black eyes. I've been
fighting crime. No. Not that. Irregardless. Rachel, my childhood friend, and
Gordon? Is that it? For we've never once met. I'm not the Batman. I'm Bruce
Wayne.
So the city's being sprayed with fear gas, and you came here just to tell us
you're not Batman.
That's perfect. That is perfectly put. And you, and you know who can confirm it?
Oh, right, right, right there. Right, right behind me, it's Batman.
Bruce Wayne is right, guys. He's not Batman.
Wrong voice.
I don't understand. I don't know what I have to do to prove to you that I'm not
Batman.
Burn the tux.
Shit. I can see how you might think we're the same person, but I'm wearing the
cape, aren't I?
Yes.
Look, here we are. Two completely separate people. Hey, Batman.
Hey, how's it going?
How are you, Batman?
I'm doing real good. Just spending my day not being Bruce Wayne.
Well, I'm convinced.
If we were the same person, could I do this?
Hey, Batman, how was your day?
Pretty good. I went down to...
...I went down to find the...
...and then the river...
...Clayface.
Admit it, you're Batman.
Look, we can go on and on about who or who isn't the vigilante Batman, but I
think it's time we consider the fact that the Batman is actually a half-man,
half-bat who doesn't even have a secret identity.
Batman gave this club to me.
Because you guys hang out.
Yes, we do.
He's kind of the coolest.
He said we should go out sometime.