Name: Beth Stelling Gets Weird and Real | You Made It Weird
Uploaded: 2025-10-08T14:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Beth Stelling Gets Weird and Real | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Beth Stelling Gets Weird and Real | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-08. Transcript available.

Beth Stelling Gets Weird and Real | You Made It Weird

You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird. Yeah. You made it weird.
Yeah. You made it weird. With Pete Holmes. You made it weird. Yes, you did. You
made it weird. Yeah.
What's happening, weirdos? This is the return of the incredible, one-of-a-kind,
hilarious Beth Stelling. I'm so glad you're here. This is a great episode. Beth
has a new special on YouTube called The Landlord Special, which is a hilarious,
which is a hilarious,
special. I absolutely loved it. Also, she has a Netflix special you should
check out. Just everything
Beth Stelling. Couldn't love it more, including this conversation. I'm so glad
you're here. Not much
to plug up top except mature dates. I'm going to be coming to Cleveland this
weekend. Yeah, this
weekend. And then Largo in Los Angeles on November 1st. Those are always so fun.
Chicago, Pittsburgh,
New York, New York on November 14th. Atlantic City on November 15th. I'm going
to be at the
Milwaukee Improv, the Brea Improv, North Carolina, South Carolina, Miami, Royal
Oak, Michigan, and
Madison, Wisconsin. All of those are on PeteHolmes.com. I'm so loving this tour.
Hope to see you out
on the road. Tickets at PeteHolmes.com. I kept saying that, I guess. In the
meantime, enjoy
my chat with the wonderful, incomparable, hilarious, Beth Stelling. Get into it.
I assume all these pillows are for me. And they're all yours. I'll be taking
them. Actually,
look, Pete Holmes Show pillows. Isn't that weird? That's for you. You have your
merch. Where's
your merch? Oh, yeah. This isn't my merch, but you know what I mean. Remember
what I said
to you at Largo last time? What? I drink Magic Mine, but not because of you,
because of Brian
Callen. Oh, no. That is a very, very funny riff. These are for you. Women's. Oh,
it's
your mom's. Yes. What a sweet thing your mom said. So the joke is, these are
available
at MikeBerbiglia.com. These are available at BethStelling.com. I did get MikeBerbiglia.com,
and he's going to have to pay me so much to get that back. Well, because he's
Berbigs.com,
because he's like, if you like my comedy, there's no way you can spell my name.
Just call me Berbigs or Two Drink Mike. He knows people. He knows his fans. If
you like
this. Berbigs. Yeah, yeah. Just hit a bunch of keys. I better put socks on. I
tried last
night a bit. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? Well, I'm excited. I have questions. I
wanted
to like. Is this okay? Because we're rolling. There's like feet people. There
are feet people.
Do you want me to like? No. I never in my life. I'm not, I'm not a foot person.
I wish
I was because they're everywhere. I know. I wish I were too. They're everywhere.
Actually,
I mean, I like my boyfriend's feet. Don't you like Val's feet? I love Val's
feet. But
I'm not like aroused by her feet. This is like taking a break. Sorry, foot
people. They're
so upset. And I'm looking right at them. Ooh, there's like, oh, five toes. They're
kind
of weird. And not yours. All feet. All feet. My feet are disgusting. Isn't
that what people like about them? It's like, oh, pretty girl, pretty girl. But
look at those
fucking feet. Isn't that? That's what it is. That's as close. I know that's
creep. What
I just said is. All locked up. Is the one Radiohead song they won't play. Yeah.
Locked
up. Nice. Because that was so creepy. But I did try to think, why would they
like it? And
I think it is because it's like, it's the one thing a woman can't control.
Other than the
obvious thing, the vagine. That one's a roll of the dice. Tough to lock up.
That's what
I mean. It's not made out of silly putty. No. Like a Barbie, obviously. This is
when you
realize I've never seen one. It's not. It's not just a smooth area. No, there
is actually
a couple of holes and some ripples. Ripples. Look, I went through a big phase
where I couldn't
stop writing jokes about how vaginas are weird. Like being straight and also
acknowledging
that they're just kind of, they are what they are. Yeah. We're making the best.
Also,
I think there's always those discoveries you make where you go, okay, cool.
Like everybody's
is different. I think that's the coolest part. That's what. That was my first
question.
What? What? Oh, when I, when my first wife left me. Yeah. My second wife has
yet to leave.
There's still time. Oh, my first one. Yeah. Just every day. I'm like. Yeah. And
I text her that too.
Are you on the way out? Yeah. Yeah. You're free to leave. Yeah. You just go
question mark
and she knows what it means. I just say you're not a hostage. She's free to
leave like Ohio.
Nice. Very nice. Deep cut. Oh, don't let me forget the compliments. But
when my first wife left me and I, uh, Brian Saka, who's a very funny comedian.
His brother
is Chris Saka on Shark Tank. Is it Chris Saka? Who cares? I say I have a Shark
Tank bit right
now, but I don't know anybody on it besides. Chris Saka looks, I don't know. He
looks,
I don't know. I don't want to riff on his look. They all have billions. Yeah. I
don't want
a red laser. No, you might, you might need to go in there sometime. I might
have to patch.
Yeah. Let's be real. I've got women's standup comedy socks. What are your sales?
Let's not
go there guys. Yeah. Like that's what you say. We're, we're, we're talking
upwards two a week.
Yeah. Two a week. And what do, what do they cost to make? Almost exactly what
they cost.
42 dollars. Yeah. What is the Saka on? Do you have it? Oh, Mark Cuban's the
only one I know.
Mark Cuban hungry. Maybe there's a Carol. Mark Cuban hungry. He's got a classic
look.
Chris Saka. Okay. I got it right. So anyway, Brian Saka, who's in the Wolf of
Wall Street.
Okay. It doesn't matter. No. What are we smoking cigars?
Okay. I'm just saying Brian, uh, was one of my friends, uh, when I first got
new leave and first
time single, I had only been with one person. And my first question was, what
do you do when there's
a weird one? Yeah. And he said, it's so rare. He said it so sweetly. I know it
sounds kind of like
gross bro talk. It was tender. That doesn't seem gross to me. I was really like,
I appreciate that.
Yeah. It was just like a Jack McBrayer, Buddy the Elf, naive guy being like,
what are they weird?
When you said that, all I could think was, you gotta ask other people. I was
like,
I wanted you to ask more people. More people. Yeah. Well, ding-dongs, I'm not
even.
Gosh, there's so many types of wieners. That's what I'm saying. It's crazy. All
of them are different.
They're all different. They're sold in the same store, but it's a big store. To
know the person is to
love their wiener. Obviously. I still don't buy it. I mean, like that's not
entirely true. I think
Val just loves me so much. She's like, when I see your wiener, I see you. You
know what I mean?
Okay. I don't know. I'm trying to think of a time. Let's get her on the phone.
Can we get her out here? Valor. Just to remind her she can leave. She's always
back here.
Yeah. She's always got my back. She's so sweet. She might. She is so sweet. For
a bit,
would you just be back there, but only if the guest has to say it.
You were barely late. You were in LA late. You were eight. You were, no, LA.
I had a weird, I did a, I'm a night owl and I do think like, I was looking
forward to seeing you
and I stayed up till 4:00 AM, but I sometimes do that. Also, I've been on the
road so much.
What are we doing? There was some doom scrolling, but basically I avoid things
all day.
And then I get this little wind where I go, although the last two nights I've
done this,
not last night, but every other night, I'm like at my computer, like starting
to die.
And it's like, I'm keeping myself up. So there's probably, I'm, look.
This is a great Seinfeld book. He goes, we fight sleep.
I am fighting it.
We fight it.
Why?
I don't, well, because it's your special time.
Yeah.
See, I'm a morning presenter.
Nobody else is doing anything.
I get up in the morning for the same phenomenon.
I can't do it in the morning.
But it's the same thing. I'm trying to, I'm reaching across the aisle here.
Okay. Okay. You're right.
I'm saying the morning people and the late night people love the same thing,
which is the feeling that no one is doing anything.
Yeah.
If your phone rang at 3:30 in the morning, what?
Yeah.
Like it just, it would be an emergency.
Yeah.
Same with five in the morning.
Yeah, that's true.
That's when you got up.
True.
Nobody's there.
Yeah. I'm always, you know, looking inward too often.
And so part of me is like, is it self-sabotage?
I knew I needed to be here.
Like, like I stayed up till four.
I would have liked to sleep longer.
Then I get up.
When you texted me, that's when I was up.
I was like, ugh.
I texted you and I was like, it was actually kind of cool.
I like gave you cool.
I was like, oh, I'm like a dork.
And I'm like up and.
I liked it.
I need those.
Then I was like, Beth, it's still a comedian.
I know I'm a comedian.
And I did a show last night.
I was like, Beth's still a comedian.
Yeah.
I did a show last night in Malibu.
I was thinking about, I like still have the, it was valet only.
My least favorite thing.
The forced valet.
Just let me park.
The forced valet.
I can do it.
The forced valet.
How about this?
Shark tank.
A car service.
Tell me.
Be real.
Okay.
Hi sharks.
Hey.
We all love car services.
You gotta earn that.
I actually take that back.
Say it again.
I wanted you to earn the high.
I regret saying hi back.
I think what?
Have you heard anything about the production of shark tank?
No.
The first thing that happens is they ask you to go hit your mark.
Everyone looks at the mark.
I've never seen someone pitch the sharks and hit their mark.
Not one actor.
Not one actor as a product.
They all just look down at their marks and then they look up.
And before they pitch, they say, stand there for, I think it's like 90 seconds.
And the sharks stare at them and they stare at the sharks.
And then they get a cue to go.
So you get all this B roll.
That's how they get all the like.
That's smart.
It's all shot up top.
That's smart.
Smart.
So we'll do that now.
Okay.
I'm just kidding.
But I came out.
This is my shark.
Tell me if this is good.
That was good.
Okay.
Good.
I can keep doing it.
We're getting it.
We're getting it wild.
We're still using this.
Oh.
Oh, and here's when you tell Mark that it has any healing properties.
Fuck you.
I'm out.
He hates it.
He hates it.
If you imply that lion's mane mushrooms like regulate your pulse, he'll kill
your family.
He hates it.
Also, sorry to riff.
Do you think he'd like beef tallow though?
I feel like that could be in his realm.
Can I tell you?
You mean for your skin or something?
For him?
Yeah.
Because it's like beefy and food related.
Yes.
I think he might, but it really depends on who's pitching it.
If a thin, beautiful woman is selling her cookie dough company, they will all
invest.
If a heavier bodied person pitches their sprinkle company, they'll all be like,
you got diabetes, get out of here.
They shame them and they tell them like in no uncertain terms, like you're a
disgrace.
It's the most, this is quantifiable.
It's not my theory.
They are so mean to heavy people on that show.
Well, it makes sense.
But it's kind of amazing, like just societally.
For sure.
But I just mean, is it amazing what they get away with when nobody's watching?
Because I wouldn't have known that.
Known what?
What you just told me.
Like, I can't believe they're getting away with that.
Well, Shark Tank is.
But I mean, they're in the power with the money and all the things.
That's what I mean.
It's the most, as long as you're winning and as long as you have a ton of money.
Yeah.
We don't care.
I've thought it recently, thin, thin winds, you know, like.
Thin winds.
You see someone recovering from like anorexia and their body is looking
healthier.
I just saw someone on Instagram and I was happy for them.
But it's one of those.
And you see like, oh, so what I saw before was them sick.
But everybody thought they were so beautiful.
Yeah, yeah.
And so thin.
It's like when Melanie