Name: Earthquake brings Pete on a wild ride! | You Made It Weird
Uploaded: 2025-12-03T15:01:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Earthquake brings Pete on a wild ride! | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Earthquake brings Pete on a wild ride! | You Made It Weird' from Pete Holmes on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-03. Transcript available.

Earthquake brings Pete on a wild ride! | You Made It Weird

You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird. You made it weird. With
Pete Holmes.
Yes, you did. You made it weird.
What's happening, weirdos? I am thrilled that Earthquake... I'm thrilled that
you're here,
and I'm thrilled that Earthquake is here. Earthquake is a legend in comedy. I've
been
a fan of his for many years. His new special, Joke Telling Business, is
available now on Netflix.
I watched the whole thing. I laughed the entire time. He's incredible and
surprising. I mean,
I knew he was funny, but he's got a lot to share, and it's actually very, very
sweet at moments as
well, which I was delighted. Delighted that we got there. Such a fun
conversation. So glad you're
here. Thank you for tuning in. Go to PeteHolmes.com for my tour dates. We have
December 5th is the next
one here in Los Angeles at Largo. That's my monthly show at Largo. Always the
highlight of my month,
followed by Milwaukee, Brea, San Francisco, North Carolina, South Carolina,
Miami, Michigan, Irvine,
Texas, just added, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and Denver, Colorado. All of those are
available on PeteHolmes.com.
This hour that I'm doing right now is my favorite that I've ever done, so I
hope you can be there,
and thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you to all the weirdos
that packed the house
in New York and in New Jersey and in all the shows that we've been doing. It's
just been so good to
see you out there on the road, and I hope you can make it to a show. In the
meantime, enjoy the one,
the only, the legend, earthquake, get into it. Is your assistant Gen Z? Because
we were laughing,
listen to this text she sent. Hi Pete, this is Alexis, comedian earthquake
assistant. I'm like,
I'm being scammed, you're not coming. Who says comedian earthquake assistant?
If you tell me she's
from South America or something. Here, get the mic, get the mic. She's, she
defines her, everybody that
works for me in my life have to define who they are. She's my assistant for
comedian earthquake.
So you told her that's your title. No, I just, I set that energy out. You know
what I mean?
Everybody got to identify themselves, you know? So many people are faking the
funk. Well, honestly,
there's so many scams going around. When I saw, this is Alexis, comedian
earthquake assistant. I was
like, oh, it's not real. Because I'm excited you're here. Sometimes we do get
scammed. Do you remember
when Bill Maher reached out and was like, Bill Maher wants to do the podcast?
And like, I don't know,
Bill. And I'm kind of the opposite of Bill. Right. In a lot of ways, not a lot
of ways, but in some
ways. So I was like, why would he want to do it? It's people fishing. They want
to get on your Zoom.
They want you to share your screen and then they can get your bank account.
Yeah. Don't do it.
Bank account. I got so many alerts on that, man.
Even if you just open the app, I get an alert.
You're in trouble.
Oh, man.
That was one of my favorite bits on the special. I don't want to ruin it, but
you said a side piece isn't a good.
We're both going to fuck it up. You go, it's not a good like health care. It's
not a good companion.
They're not a good emergency contact.
Side chick is a terrible caregiver.
That's what it is. Caregiver.
Yeah.
She still has your credit card and you just get all the alerts.
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing,
bing.
I mean, the whole special is great.
Thank you.
I watched the last one as well.
Thank you.
Obviously, I'm a fan, but the new one is fantastic.
Thank you.
And it went by like a glass of water. It was over.
I call that my flu game because I had a 110 degree temperature and silence
infection.
Yeah.
When you filmed it?
Yes. That's why you see my voice. Yeah.
I just thought you were working a lot. I noticed your voice was a little grouty.
No, no. That was what it was. No, I was. No, it was my voice. I lost my voice.
I lost the whole thing off. But you know, when you, it's game time. You have to
perform.
You can't go to Netflix. You can't go to Netflix and say, hey, let's reschedule
this.
Maybe like shit.
Didn't Jordan have the flu game?
Yeah, yeah.
That's the reference. You got the flu game.
Yeah, in Utah. I think he played in Utah when he needed Scotty to hold him.
So that's my flu game. I have a love listening to it. See, I'm proud of myself
that I made it through it.
If you're a road comic, sometimes you hit the place and you see us, we get paid.
What people don't understand about our profession is we get paid by the day.
January the 13th ain't coming back again. We need that money on the 13th.
It's the 14th day. January the 14th. That money, that day is for sale too.
And whatever money I get off of that need to be paid.
That's right.
I mean, for the bills or whatever, that being said, but it was scheduled.
But did the adrenaline kick in?
No.
You were suffering?
Yes, but I just went.
I can't, because especially...
I could just lean into the material.
Really?
You know what I mean?
You'd worked it enough?
Yeah.
It was in you.
I'm just leaning into the material.
This is...
I look at what we do is, this is the version of you that day.
That's good.
You understand what I'm saying?
I say something similar.
I go, whatever happens is the show.
That's the show.
Yeah, that's the show.
That's that day.
If I'm in a bad mood, if I'm grumpy, I'm sick or I'm sweating, it's like, this
is it.
Yeah, it is.
You're the show.
I'm the show.
You're the show.
If it's the version of me, you'll see me on January 13th.
Yes, yes, yes.
And we happen to be filming.
Yes.
So, you know, some days you...
Because it's, you know, we're live comedians.
Yeah.
We do live entertainment.
And it's human.
And human.
It's human.
But there's something human about, like, I can't stop it.
This is when we're filming it.
We got to do it.
Well, I needed the money.
And you need the money.
Yeah, it's like a fighter.
That's why I got friends that fight.
I said, how do you...
What would you do if you woke up the day of the fight?
And for some reason, you just ain't feel like fighting the day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
You're a fighter.
You just...
Today, I just don't feel like whooping somebody ass.
That's right out of my...
You know what I mean?
I say that all the time.
I go to crowds.
I go, do boxers sleep well the night before their fights?
Yes.
I'm going to get punched in the face tomorrow?
No.
Good night.
Yeah.
Good night.
Good night.
I'm fine.
And if you say, today, I just don't feel like getting hit.
And you know they have some days where they're feeling calm.
And it just happened to fall on fight night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
That's right.
You just ain't getting...
You're like, fuck, just like a singer.
Don't feel like singing today.
But she's a singer.
See, you know...
Okay, so I just did...
I tried a bit.
I don't think I'll ever do it again.
But I was like...
You know, I was hanging out with my family and I had this show tonight.
Right.
And I was like, and I'm a little bit quicker with them because I'm tense.
Right.
I go, I'm not nervous.
Right.
I'm tense.
Like a boxer is tense.
You're getting show ready.
Show ready.
Show ready.
You feel like your muscles are literally a little tight and you're getting
ready for this thing
that your body doesn't understand what you're doing.
And I go, a fight between a tense guy and a nervous guy, tense guy wins.
Yes.
That's the difference.
Yeah, because he's scared.
Right.
So it's not bad to be tense.
No.
But it doesn't...
It's not free.
So do you wake up some days and you're like, I just don't feel like fighting?
Because you're a fighter.
You're going up to murder.
It's days I wake up today and I'm like, okay, I want to hear these jokes.
And these jokes might not resonate with my crowd at that particular time.
But they're the ones you want to hear.
This is what I want to hear.
I don't want to hear this shit I already got prepared for you that I know will
kill you.
Yeah.
I want to talk about this shit.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But you have a financial obligation to the people because they paid it.
Yeah.
You want to...
That you have to...
They came for a certain standard.
So you'd be like, all right, let me give it to you.
Because you ain't following through with it like it is.
Right.
Or you'll give them some of that and then go and say the shit you really want
to talk about.
Just like a musician.
Yeah.
It's like you got to play...
Yeah.
I know you came to see my songs.
You got to play Cream.
But I want to jam this song.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to just jam tonight.
You know what I've been trying to do lately?
I did it the first 10 years of my career.
I'd always improvise for at least 10 minutes up top.
Just kind of grab ass.
Right.
Then I got really interested in like, no, you start strong and go and get them
going.
Right.
And now I'm trying to go back to like a middle.
Like if I want to improvise, stretch it out a little bit.
It seems like the modern crowd wants that even more.
To be honest with you, I think we earned it.
Tell me.
You understand?
It's documented.
I'm funny.
I mean, with all due respect.
You understand?
You understand?
I do.
It's documented.
So follow the flow.
It's an art form.
That's right.
Come with me.
I tell you it's going to be entertainment.
Yes.
And it's going to be funny.
And then at the end of the day, you have to be honest with them.
How much do you value a laugh?
Yeah.
How much just on a merchandise, economical, just on quality of life.
You pay such much money for a good bottle of wine.
You pay so much for a good meal.
How much do you financially value a good laugh?
A good laugh.
And whatever it is, I bet you, I get you there.
Yeah, that's right.
Now, I might not get into your hole in your face, throw it, and go back and
back.
But at the end of the day, you will laugh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So then you got your money's worth.
That's right.
So the fuck you talking about?
That's right.
You understand?
Do you remember when you were going up, I think about this all the time, and
you had to introduce
yourself?
Yeah.
It's a drag.
Yeah.
And it's 10 years of that, at least.
You have to be like, I'm Earthquake.
This is why they call me Earthquake.
Like, you had to, or for me, I had to be like, this is why I look like this, or
this is this,
this, this.
And I love that you can just go up with people who know you and start as
opposed to that first.
What was that like for you?
No, I love the anonymity, to be properly honest.
That's why my name is Earthquake, because I didn't have no epiphany of being no
comedian.
I just tried this shit.
And one day, and no better goddamn decision that came along.
It was never like, oh, I want to be a comedian.
I just seen a motherfucking do it.
Because this chick, we was watching a comedy, some comedy special, and I'll
never say who
the comedian was, but we watching the special, and this, I'm over her house,
and we're just
having a date, and I'm sitting and watching the TV.
She put the damn DVD in, and she was laughing all hard and shit, and I was like,
if you want
to fuck them, just say you want to fuck the dude.
You didn't like, you were threatening them?
No, I was like, it wasn't that funny.
Oh, I was like, hold on.
It was that kind of love.
She all underneath the table.
I'm like, come on now, that's funny, but it ain't all that funny.
And you just say you want to fuck the man.
You just say you want to fuck him.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm trying to be your friend.
You know what I'm saying?
You can tell me this, but don't sit over this mother, oh, oh, shit, shit.
And so she's like, well, you do it if you think it's easy.
I said, I don't think it's easy, and I'm not saying that's not funny, but that
is not
the funniest shit I have ever heard, to get this kind of reaction.
You over here like, this is the funniest shit you've ever heard.
I can't believe you'd say that about Martin.
Never that.
Never that.
Never that.
Marty Ma, my brother.
Never that.
No, I'm kidding.
I just t