Name: Larry "Bud" Melman Does Stand-Up Comedy | Letterman
Uploaded: 2022-02-01T16:05:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Larry "Bud" Melman Does Stand-Up Comedy | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Larry "Bud" Melman Does Stand-Up Comedy | Letterman' from Letterman on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-01. Transcript available.

My next guest has been on this show many times before,
but this is his first appearance as a standup comedian.
Would you please welcome Larry Budd Melman.
- Thank you, thank you very much.
It's great to be back in New York City.
I was born in New York City.
I wanted to be near my mother, thank you.
My mother was very disappointed when I was born.
She didn't want a boy, she wanted a divorce.
Thank you, which is understandable if you've met my father.
My father is the idol of our family.
He's been idling for the last 30 years.
Thank you, he's the laziest man on earth.
He won't even make instant coffee.
Instead, he puts coffee grounds on his mustache
and drinks hot water.
Thank you, he hates to work, but he finally got a job.
He sells sunglasses during solar eclipses.
And to make matters worse, he missed the first last eclipse
because it occurred on his day off.
Thank you.
He never would have survived if it wasn't for my mother.
My mother's the most frugal woman on earth.
She never wastes anything.
One time, she found a brand new box of cough drops
on the street.
That night, she made me sleep outside to catch a cold.
Thank you.
I did wake up with a cold.
I woke up with a whooping cough.
My mother immediately ran out
and got me a job as a glassblower.
Thank you.
But I'm not working there anymore.
Last month, I had a fight with my boss,
and I refused to return to work
until he takes back what he said to me.
He said, "You're fired."
Thank you.
"But I'm not worried about money
because my wife is very wealthy.
A lot of people think I married her
only because her aunt left a half a million dollars,
but that's not true.
I would have married her no matter who left her half a million dollars.
Thank you."
She said, "If I marry you, will you give me a ring?"
I said, "Sure.
What's your number?"
Thank you.
I remember the first time I met her father.
He asked me how much money I made.
I said, "200 a week."
He said, "I'll give you an allowance of $150 a week
to help you get started."
I said, "I'm already figuring that in."
Thank you.
By the way, I didn't get my pants back
in time for the wedding.
So I'm currently sending my tailor,
suing my tailor for promise of breaches.
Hey, you've been great.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I understand your wife wasn't feeling too well.
That's true, Dave.
She's running a very high fever, very high.
But there are some advantages.
Last week when it got real cold,
I wheeled it from room to room to heat up the apartment.
Yeah, uh-huh.
The doctor said we should move near the ocean for our help,
but we can't afford that.
So instead, I sit up every night fanning her with a herring.
Uh-huh.
Now, so how is your career coming along?
Oh, unbelievable.
Just fantastic.
Things are happening so fast for me now.
It's like a dream.
Like I'm riding the crest of a big wave.
Yeah, that's good.
Now, I know that you watch a lot of television.
I bet commercials really get on your nerves, don't they?
Don't get me started on commercials.
Okay.
Okay.
Now, what about New York and Los Angeles?
Do you find a lot of differences between the two cities?
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Woo!
Now, you must fly a lot these days.
What's the food like on those airplanes?
Terrible.
Terrible.
Well, Larry, it's been great having you.
Now, where are you going to be appearing at some of these comedy clubs shortly?
No, maybe in a few months.
Okay.
Maybe in a few months.
Okay.
Maybe in a few months.
Well, it sure was a pleasure to have you on the show again.
Larry Bud Melman.
Is Larry leaving now?
Okay.
Stay right there, Larry.
Let's see what we're doing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay.
Stay right there, Larry.
Let's see what we're doing.